I’m Older Than Every Baseball Player, Except Jamie Moyer

Sixers. Ugggggghhh. Phillies. Blehhhhhh. Flyers. OHHHH YEEAAAAAAHHH!!! The Flyers have single-handedly revived my interest in hockey and my hate in the Penguins. The last 3 games have been epic. All high scoring. Lotta hits. Keep em coming. It’s pretty nuts how the Flyers basically put the magnifying glass on Sidney Crosby and probably ruined his reputation for the rest of his career. Asham got suspended for 4 games and Neal got suspended for 1. I’d say your Stanley Cup aspirations are over, Pittsburgh.

The Phillies aren’t really winning me over, that’s for sure. I know Ty Wigginton had a great game Sunday, but I don’t care. I still don’t like em. I still think he’s too eerily similar to Vincent D’Onofrio in Full Metal Jacket right before he blows his brains out. Plus, guys who play for 7 teams in a 10 years don’t always make me feel too comfortable.

I went to the disaster of a game Saturday against the Mets. 1) There are still way too many Mets fans at CBP. The audacity. 2) We had 6 hits, 0 runs, and only 2 guys in scoring position the entire game. Both of them got there from being on first and the batter was HBP or walked. There was practically nothing to cheer for the entire game. I hope it’s just a slow start….

I really feel bad for Tim Lincecum. I don’t care for the Giants, but I always like Lincecum. The idea of a pitcher who defied odds, had a freakish delivery, and rock star attitude (without being a douche like Brian Wilson) was always cool to me. Plus, there’s all these rumors about how he used to hot box his car out with blunts before games. I can dig it. Sadly, though, Lincecum has been in a big slump to start the season. His fastball command and speed are both down. He’s throwing 91, when he used to throw 4-5 mph faster. That’s a disturbing figure. Now they’re talking about having him drop in the rotation. Seems that his mechanics are failing him, which isn’t easily correctable. Poor guy.

We haven’t heard much about Bounty Gate this week, but one “fact” stood out as astonishing to me. Apparently, 70% of “SportsNation”, a.k.a. people who waste their data plans, think that Greg Williams should be banished from the NFL forever. Really?? Am I the only person who honestly doesn’t care about this? He could play this year. I couldn’t care less. People are naive to think that this doesn’t happen all of the time and this isn’t how people think. I get why Roger Goodell suspended him, but I don’t get why the public opinion of intentional injuries is so abominable to people that they think he deserves banishment. Who cares? We accept a sport where people can stop the game to fight. We accept a sport, in fact, several sports that are fighting. Every sport focuses on an opponents weakest aspect. It doesn’t mean that playing dirty or trying to end a career is right, but quality play almost always outweighs the dirty few, every time. Just because he got caught saying it doesn’t mean that people won’t continue to think it for… oh… I dunno…. eternity.

Am I the only person who thinks Dwight Howard could be faking or milking this injury? Right as the team is going into the playoffs, Dwight Howard hurts his back and is basically out for the remainder of the season and post-season. Quite a coincidence. He can basically slide out of the spotlight during the biggest moment in his sport and receive no further criticism. Now, no one can say he pulled a Lebron and stopped playing for his team in the playoffs. I smell shennanigans.

Jamie Moyer got his 268th win, making him the older pitcher to ever do so in the Major Leagues. Good for him. I’ll never forget the bit on the show “Louie” when Louie C.K. is having sex with a younger woman who is attracted to older guys. To talk dirty Louie says, “I’m older than every baseball player, except Jamie Moyer, I think he still plays for the Phillies” or something like that. It was a nice shout out. Good times.

I’ve saved the worst for last. Them Sixers. They fucking bloooooowwwwwwww. This season started with so much promise and we have whittled away to nothing. The life of the team is all but gone. Adam was telling me the other day that there’s rumors, and even some factual stories, of lockerroom turmoil. Apparently, Spencer Hawes had some attitude problems so Doug Collins calls him out to the press? Bad form, Doug. Andre Iguodala called out Lou Williams for not playing defense. There has to be some bad chemistry because this unexplained plateau is ruining our season.

Lou Williams can’t play defense. The man is just too small. I look at him and Jrue Holiday and I can’t fathom us ever getting deep in the playoffs with either. They have some raw talent, can shoot, and even drive from time to time, but their size has become a factor. Neither of them can play defense because they always get lost in the screen. It’s too easy to get those guys caught up because some big guy can always just control their path. Their size prevents them from driving the paint too (although Lou can be pretty sneaky in drawing contact.)

It’s just a sad sight. Sometimes when you watch games, it’s clear that the game plan is “This guy is running offense, or this guy is running offense” and there’s not much variation. In some instances, I think Doug Collins is running out of ideas. He gets out-coached occasionally. It’s a combination of the chess player and the pieces he has left.

I almost hope we don’t make the playoffs. Last year, that was a lot of intensity when we played Miami. It was emotional watching them play the Heat. It was gratifying to get the one victory. It meant potential. It meant progress. Losing in this year’s playoffs are going to mean the exact opposite. We are going to roll over and die. I just don’t want to witness that.

1 Comment

  • Dear headrush,

    Please stop mentioning any Philly sports team on a roll right before a big game.


    The Wolfman

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