Mel Kiper Jr., Spawn of Satan

I felt compelled to write this. For several reasons. 1) I’m a Panthers fan, so the recent draft talk has definitely been a concern of mine. 2) I just saw his “Fast Five” promo on TV and wanted to throw up on myself. 3) I watched this youtube video and it confirmed my suspicions that Mel Kiper Jr. is in fact hated by everyone in the NFL…. except Keith Olbermann…. but that guy’s a douche too… so whatever.

Observe :

I’m desperately trying my best to find that Fast and Furious promo he did, but I’m having some difficulty. I’m upset by this.

My biggest beef with Mr. Kiper (and all draft analysts for that matter) is his ridiculous antics that hold no rhyme or reason. At the end of the NFL season, Cam Newton wasn’t even a top 20 pick on Kiper’s rankings chart. This assessment was decided after 4 years of college tape in real game-time experience. Then, somehow through 1 combine walkthrough, and a Pro Day, Cam Newton was being ranked as the top prospect in the NFL Draft.

For reals? That’s what makes the difference? NOT the years you’ve had to watch him play quarterback in real competitive games?

I caught a glimpse of the Bill Parcells’ draft special on ESPN recently. Now THERE’S a man who knows about the draft and has a valid opinion throughout the NFL community. When he got asked something along the lines of, “Do you think any teams keep Mel Kiper’s draft rankings in their locker before draft time?” Parcells simply responded with a pretty basic “Fuck no. That’s retarded.”

I’m paraphrasing of course, so… I dunno why I used quotes, but whatever….

The point is Mel Kiper Jr. has no more insight on an NFL draft than a newborn infant. He has no place on television and his opinion should never be taken with merit.

How he managed to claim the title “draft expert” is laughable. You know who the experts are? The scouts hired by NFL teams to research the players before the draft. They got the job. Not Mel. Nobody’s banging down Mel’s door to get him a scouting job are they?

I can’t wait til the draft is over so we can have 10 months of relief from his bird-like face.


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