Week 17, the Week of Futility and Quigley.

Ahhhh, it was a tough Sunday wasn’t it? It’s hard to sit through football when there’s no fantasy implications or gambling taking place isn’t it? Just imagine if someone said, “Hey man, we’re going to watch baseball for 10 hours straight! It’ll be awesome!” Football was almost on that level.

Watching the Eagles cruise over the Redskins was only fitting now that the season is over. It sure is a lot easier to get that W when there’s no spotlight on anyone. The Raiders had a chance to take the division after the Broncos defeat and whiffed. I wonder what’s over the horizon for those guys now that Al Davis is dead.

I also wonder how big of a paycheck Matt Flynn is looking at next year when some team “Matt Cassel’s” him. You had the best day of your life kid. You beat out Aaron Rodgers and Brett Farve for single-game records in one of the most prestigious franchises in the history of sports. Enjoy it. The Detroit Lions however, just got tea-bagged by a second-stringer going into the playoffs, which probably has a lot of people wondering.

I’m wondering, too, so let’s get the predictions :

Saturday – Cincinnati Bengals @ Houston Texans

The Bengals practically fell into the playoffs, but honestly, the Texans kind of did that as well. Jake Delhomme almost led the Texans to a game-winning drive yesterday, but his resilient redneck shined through too brightly. After throwing a great pass for the touchdown, Delhomme immediately screams for the 2-point conversion to win the game, rather than tie. I suppose it’s fitting. You’re already set in the playoffs, there’s like 10 seconds left, no point in dragging it into overtime, but even after a false-start to set them back another 5 yards, he tries it again. The center high-snaps the ball over Delhomme’s head, game over. All I could think of was Point Break’s great line by none other than Gary Busey : “Utah…. gimme two!” So anywho’s, back to the game at hand. Texans 28, Bengals 17. Also, Cedric Benson has a heart attack.

Saturday – Detroit Lions @ New Orleans Saints

Yea, going back to my Matt Flynn conversation, the Detroit defense doesn’t look so hot right now. Put that against the New Orlean Saint offense that basically ripped apart my Carolina Panthers a few days ago, and you’ve got a recipe for a blow-out. I liked Jim Schwartz at the beginning of the year but after the Harbaugh handshake and sideline hissy fits, I’ve turned on the man. Saints 38, Lions 24.

Sunday – Atlanta Falcons @ New York Giants

Who else feels good about that Cowboy’s meltdown? I sure do. If the Eagles can make it to the big show, the Cowboy’s shouldn’t either. This game, however, is probably going to be one of the better ones this weekend. Both have pretty good explosive players on either side of the ball, so I expect a few epic plays to be the difference maker. Giants pull it out. Giants 17, Falcons 14.

Sunday – Pittsburgh Steelers @ Denver Broncos

Yea, this game is going to be uncomfortable to watch. Seasoned veterans with tons of playoff experience going against an 8-8 team that barely made it in guided behind the arm of a quarterback not suited to play the position. Don’t get me wrong, I pull for Tebow. It would be nice to see someone rather unconventional actually excel in the league and when they went on that 6-game win streak, I was delighted. Last week against the Chiefs, Tebow looked atrocious. The magic is going to wear off. Steelers 21, Broncos 6.

Be sure to catch all the Charles Barkely Weight Watchers commericals that you can. It’s pure joy. THAT’s who we should all be taking advice from in regards to eating healthy, a man who’s neither fit nor healthy. It’s a real stretch these days for weight loss companies to find appropriate spokesmen but for real? Charles Barkley? My man was doing Taco Bell raps a year ago. “I’m here to talk to you about men’s food. Meatballs, steak, ribs, meatballs, pizza, wings, meatballs…”

Good stuff.

There’s a story floating around about 76ers’ player Lou Williams getting robbed, or almost being robbed rather. Apparently, a man drew a gun on Lou Williams, who was in Manayunk driving a rather lavish car, I assume, and was told to “run his shit.” Lou, being the dignified citizen he his, talked the man out of robbing him and then proceeded to buy the man lunch at McDonalds. Remarkable story, no? The only source for this story: Lou Williams. What is that?? Hahah, can famous athletes just make up incredible stories about themselves for PR? Yea, thanks but no thanks, Lou.

That story about Cam’ron thwarting a robbery at gunpoint is much more believable. Mainly, because Cam’ron had a gun-wound to prove it. True that.

And, because I never like to leave on a bad note, I present to you, Quigley. While looking up some Gary Busey “Gimme-Two” videos, I stumbled upon a trailer for Busey’s latest masterpiece, Quigley. A billionaire business man who dies in an accident but is banished from Heaven returns to Earth as a Pomeranian to right all his wrongs! Oh boy! Couple things stand out about this trailer : 1) He’s a billionaire, but he drives a $2000 Porsche? Seems fishy. 2) The fall at 0:42 is about as priceless as it could get. 3) His brother is a game programmer who develops games… on a disk drive… with just 1 copy, that the dog (played by Busey) delivers to an ad exec’s office just in time to blow his mind! Good news, guys and gals, they’re making a sequal.

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