The Perils of Fantasy

It’s about that time of year.  Your fantasy playoffs are starting, or already have started, and hopefully, you are still in them.  There’s probably nothing more frustrating then pouring your heart and soul into collectively gathering the finest crime-free athletes the NFL has to offer, and then watching them produce zero offense in crunch time.  Not their crunch time, your crunch time.

I’ve got 3 leagues this year.  2 for money, 1 for free.  Guess which one I’m doing the best in?  Thaaaaaat’s right, the free one.  Infact, I’m 11-2, coming off my  bye week, and Philip Rivers just got me 40 points last night.  I’m killing it.  My other leagues?  Not so much.  The league I created, I am infact out, left to watch my friends, like Adam who beat me, battle it out for the culmination of our $20 buy in.

But it’s no match for my big money league.  I’m going into the semi-finals this week against the #1 seed, and if I win this, I have a chance at $500.  I want it.  I neeeeed it.  And my chances are slim.  For fuck’s sake, last night, Patrick Willis got him 14 points.  Jesus.  That’s basically one of my receivers.

My whole mindset going into this game is : “I’m going to start the players I’ve relied on all year, no wildcards, no tricks, just pray for the best, and if I win, I win.”  Mind you, this is a league where you get a bonus for return yards at 75.  SEVENTY FIVE!  Stefan Logan, look out.  Seriously, I’ve been riding Marc Mariani and LaRod Steven-Howlings all year.  It’s cool that I have no names leading my team right?

I have the dilemna of starting 3 of the following : Mariani, Dwayne Bowe, Hakeem Nicks, Reggie Wayne, and Deion Branch.  Bowe has been shit the last 2 games, literally making 1 catch for 8 yards I think, so I’m not gonna bank on a miracle redemption, but that mentality has already bit me once.  I sat Chris Johnson last week in favor of Howling, and of course Johnson goes and lights it up for 30 points.  What an unreliable back for 1st pick in the draft this year.

My QB situation is the most daunting.  In my free league, I have Aaron Rodgers, Philip Rivers, and Jon Kitna.  No wonder I’m leading right?  In my super super intense money league, I have Kitna…. I got nothing else.  There is nothing else.  No one else is available, so I got to literally watch the television and cheer the man who led the Detroit Lions to one of the worst seasons in football history.  Pray for Mojo.

I’d love to hear some advice, because quite frankly, I have no clue.  And who does?  Honestly, last week everyone said pick up the Bears D (which was top 3 all year) because of the blizzard they were playing in.  Too bad Tom Brady is a god damn machine and still blows em out for 38 points.

Most of my friends have already given up on the fantasy football, mostly because of losses, but others because of another type of fantasy.  World of Warcraft.  There’s nothing more infuriating then losing your friends, not to drugs, not to work, but to a computer game with mythical dragons and quests.

You guys wanna go to the bar or something?  “Nope, we’ve got some sweet gear to loot.”

Ah well, I’m trying.  Maybe I’ll give fantasy basketball a shot next year.  I’d know who I’d draft immediately is that Kevin Durant fellow.  You heard about this guy?  I hear he’s pretty good.


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