Magic Beans

Another great post by the Wolfman

My father texted me the other day with this gem, “Trade Kendrick (Kyle) for a bag of magic beans.” Kendrick had just surrendered five first inning runs to the Pirates, and though a decent spot starter at times, Phils fans have just grown tired of these random pathetic outings. Of course, this is not the first time magic beans have been a part of one of my dad’s mythological trade scenarios. You may remember when Randy Moss was traded to the Patriots for a bag of magic beans, or when Bobby Abreu was sent packing for a sachet of the enchanted legumes.]

In all honesty, I would trade a LOT of players for a bag of magic beans. MAGIC BEANS, people.

Which brings me to Dwight Howard – at the moment, I would trade Dwight Howard for a bag of very UN-magic beans. Simple beans would suffice. Heck, they could even be lima beans. I used to like you Dwight, and I’m pretty sure that you are just getting horrible advice. But please, MAKE IT STOP. Stop talking man, just stop.

Has everyone heard of this promotion to #ExilePitbull? Basically, Walmart in its infinite wisdom decided that whichever Walmart store could get the most Facebook likes, would get a visit from the famous rapper Pitbull. One brilliant writer then decided that it would be hilarious if Pitbull had to visit the most remote Walmart in the U.S., located in Kodiak, Alaska. As of this writing, the Walmart in Kodiak had over 30,000 likes, from a population of about 6,000. Get the earmuffs ready!

Is it possible that we could take this idea to force a Dwight Howard trade to Alaska? How about this team, the Alaska Quake? It is very hard to tell if this team is operational, but they have a good mission and you can purchase birthday packages. It also says, “Woo Woo Woo Boom!” on their homepage.

So let’s do it, let’s trade the disgruntled center to the Alaska Quake for the season. #ExileDwight

All the Alaska Quake has to do is collect one bag of beans. Your move Quake.


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