Can’t No Sucka Tell Lucious Sweets How to Ball

Thank God for Boston and New York’s troubles, because the 76ers have hit a lull. With Rajon Rondo getting ejected for throwing a basketball at the ref and Kevin Garnett injured, the Celtics have spiraled into a losing skid that doesn’t look to be getting better before the All-Star Break.

The Knicks had Carmelo Anthony return last night, and guess what? They lost. Even with ESPN showcasing a picture of Lin and Melo holding hands (yep…) with headlines claiming “It’s Not What You Think”, it’s TOTALLY what we think, and will continue to think. Melo is a selfish player, and that works for me. Anything to provide us with some cushion during this hump.

I call it a hump because I know the Sixers are going to improve. We’ve played 16 games in 28 days. We haven’t had an actual practice in over a month. The season is starting to take its toll.

That’s not really the best excuse either, because I know everyone is faced with this same problem, but I’m just saying I think the Sixers have some more life in them then what’s being shown. This is a good thing. It’s either we peak too early now and recover, or peak right at the playoffs and never recover. I’d rather have it this way. This… of course… is all speculation.

What I really want to know is…. who the heck is this guy?? I see him all the time from watching Sixers games and I’m dying to know who he is. For now, I’m going to call him Lucious Sweets, because that’s what he looks like to me.

Every time Marc Zumoff and Malik Rose do there post-half-time, pre-3rd-quarter intro for a home game, there’s my man Lucious Sweets hogging up the camera. It’s unreal. If you watch, he poses several times, smiles at the camera, winks, blows kisses, and just hams it up during a live broadcast. He has to work for the station, I’m guessing, but who is Lucious?? How do I obtain such swag, and how many ladies are back at his place waiting for him to get off of work?

Here’s to you, Lucious.

Since we’re on the subject of strange observations that I make about all things related Sixers, who is that funny little elf man that sprinkles pixie dust in the Kia commercial? It’s Marc Zumoff right?? I mean, look at the picture and tell me that isn’t Marc Zumoff dressed up in jammy-jams.

All my research (a.k.a. Googling) has uncovered nothing. I can’t even find out who the actual actor is, so I would be delighted if someone could let me know. It certainly leads to the possibility that it could be him. For now, it’s Zumoff in my mind.

Did you guys know that Troy Barnes from Community is also a rapper? Aside from Derrick Comedy, The Mystery Team, and the countless other comedic entities that this man takes part in, he also raps under the alias Childish Gambino. Yep, and it’s exactly what you think.

I downloaded Donald Glover’s album to give it a quick listen and assess. I must say, his lyrics are about as clever as his comedy. Lines like, “If I’m a faggot, spell it right, I have way more than 2 G’s” tickle you enough to keep you interested in his flow that is pretty much standard and lackluster. Not to say he isn’t good, it’s just there isn’t much being brought to the table that isn’t already there, being eaten by somebody else. The beats are conventional but somehow work well with his rhyme scheme and singing. Yep. He sings, too.

Most actors who cross over or vice versa are met with a harsh reality that they, in fact, suck at whatever it is they are branching out into. I’m not sure what Donald Glover had in mine first before he was successful, but it’s put him in a strange place. I can’t take his serious raps seriously, because I associate his voice with comedy and his “dirty growl” is all to reminiscent of his theatric screams in Community. Because he is famous, though, it makes the album a little more interesting. You gotta keep an open mind, I guess.


  • Yes that is daryl dawkins, it shows you that people really have no clue what they are talking about. Maybe these people should do some research before jumping to conclusions, extremely unprofessional.

  • The man behind them is a Comcast analyst named Daryl Dawkins, he gets paid to sit there haha

  • […] to be cool to him because he’s there. The mystique is gone. I’m back to finding out who Luscious Sweets […]

  • Lucious Sweets is a great name for that guy. He looks kind of like Karl Malone. Get that guy a Headrush T, quick!

  • That is definitely Marc Zumoff! And I would also like to say that Luscious Sweets > Childish Gambino

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