Pre-season NFL Picks

altIt’s that time of the year again, and by that time of the year, I mean football season is upon us, breathing down our necks like a hungry minotaur about to be unleashed from its labyrinth (I’ve been busy with soccer pre-season so my analogies might be a little rusty). And oh how we missed that smelly breath. 

Baseball is fine and all, but lets face it, watching individual games is boring as shit compared to watching a bunch of roided up meat heads trying to bludgeon each other mercilessly to death in the guise of sport. Steroids in baseball?  Baaaaaaad.  Steroids in football?  Pop as many as you please Shawn Merriman, but watch out, cause it might mean a whole 4 game suspension.  As long as you can run faster, hit harder and slap Tila Tequila with a improved proficiency, who cares, amiright?

So, every year me and Randy do a little absurdly early NFL predictions wager.  This year, those predictions will be made here for all the world wide web to see.  Last year, I took home the crown, so heavy is the head.  This year, I am going all out because it seems that anyone can emerge in the NFL and that’s why we love it.

Without further ado:  The picks! (stars will be next to the wildcard picks, I think you can figure out the division winners by the records).


AFC East

Patriots: 10-6*

Dolphins: 11-5

Jets: 9-7

Bills: 3-13

AFC North

Ravens: 11-5

Bengals: 9-7

Browns: 4-12

Steelers: 8-8

AFC South

Texans: 9-7

Colts: 12-4

Jaguars: 5-11

Titans: 11-5*

AFC West:

Chargers: 12-4

Raiders: 7-9

Broncos: 7-9

Chiefs: 6-10

Playoffs: Colts, Ravens, Dolphins, Chargers, Patriots, Titans

NFC East

Cowboys: 13-3

Giants: 8-8

Eagles: 9-7

Redskins: 7-9

NFC North

Bears: 6-10

Lions: 5-11

Packers: 11-5*

Vikings: 12-4

NFC South

Falcons: 12-4

Panthers: 10-6

Saints: 11-5*

Buccaneers: 3-13

NFC West

Cardinals: 6-10

49ers: 10-6

Seahawks: 4-12

Rams: 4-12

Playoffs: Cowboys, Vikings, Falcons, 49ers, Saints, Packers

Superbowl: Titans OVER Packers


AFC East

Patriots: 10-6*

Dolphins: 9-7

Jets: 11-5

Bills: 2-14

AFC North

Ravens: 9-7

Bengals: 10-6

Browns: 5-11

Steelers: 10-6*

AFC South

Texans: 9-7

Colts: 11-5

Jaguars: 6-10

Titans: 7-9

AFC West:

Chargers: 11-5

Raiders: 8-8

Broncos: 9-7

Chiefs: 7-9

Playoffs: Jets, Bengals, Colts, Chargers, Patriots, Steelers

NFC East

Cowboys: 12-4

Giants: 9-7

Eagles: 8-8

Redskins: 11-5*

NFC North

Bears: 3-13

Lions: 6-10

Packers: 12-4

Vikings: 10-6*

NFC South

Falcons: 8-8

Panthers: 10-6

Saints: 11-5

Buccaneers: 4-12

NFC West

Cardinals: 5-11

49ers: 10-6

Seahawks: 9-7

Rams: 7-9

Playoffs: Cowboys, Packers, Saints, 49ers, Redskins, Vikings

Superbowl: Redskins OVER Jets

+1 point for every wildcard pick, +2 points for every division winner pick
+3 points for every record guessed correctly.

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