Get Outta Delaware Park Week 9: Politics!
I hate election day. This year’s sucked worse than most.
I got the day off this year (yea!!!!) but instead of getting to sit around all day in my pajamas and play Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 on N64 or “read” (aka watch my WWE The Rock: The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment DVD), I had to get my lazy ass up to Wilson Elementary school to vote in an election where all I knew was who I didn’t want to win. I didn’t care who won, as long as this individual lost, I’d know that I’d done my part.
So I get there, and I gotta ask, what is up with the people at the polling station? It’s either A.) someone very, very, very old or B.) some angry chick in army boots, flannel and black eyeliner who looks like she’d rather be smoking a cigarette and listening to Slanted and Enchanted (you know, cause it’s sooooo much better than Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain).
At least, that’s what it was like at Wilson. I imagine at other places there could’ve been middle-aged women in hand knitted sweaters and bald, sweaty men in collared shirts and clip-on ties.
But alas, this is a sports blog, right? So let’s get down to it! After a few more rants…
Acid Reflux: F-You! I’ve had acid reflux for about 3 week now and I can tell you this, you better pray that you never get it. Waking up in the middle of the night multiple times feeling like you’re going to puke is only half of the fun that you get when you get diagnosed with this little illness.
Let me run down the foods I’ve had to avoid for the past 3 weeks: French Fries, ground beef, chicken nuggets (NOOOOOOOOO), buffalo wings, sour cream, liquor (double NOOOOOOO), wine, coffee, chocolate, donuts…Pizza! You get the idea.
Yesterday all I had to eat was a bagel in the morning and then 3 bowls of oatmeal. Yippee. The lack of coffee also gave me a no-caffeine headache the likes I haven’t seen since I stopped smoking cigarettes. So that was awesome too.
Bottom line: acid reflux, please go away.
The Walking Dead: What an awesome premiere. Is there anything AMC can’t do? Mad Men, Breaking Bad and now a show about zombies. Bad-ass. I’m not including Rubicon because the main character’s hair pisses me off too much to be able to take the show seriously. Someone get that man a damn comb!
Anyway, the Walking Dead had about as good of a premiere as you can have, and with Sons of Anarchy still spinning its wheels (get it?) with the boys trying to find Jax’s stupid baby, I’m betting that this becomes the best drama of the fall.
The League: Which brings me to the best comedy on TV right now, The League. It used to be known as that show that comes on after It’s Always Sunny, but with Sunny mailing it in this season, Sunny is now the show I have to sit through in order to get to this gem.
Actually, I don’t have to sit through it at all cause it’s on too late for me anyway so I just stay a week behind and watch it on On Demand. But do yourself a favor and watch The League. You won’t regret it.
Anytime you have a character whose the designated driver talking about pooping out the alcohol to sober up, or one talking about that “horror” movie with Don Cheadle where they hack off each others arms in a hotel, you’ve got comic gold.
But enough of that nonsense, on to the picks!
Buffalo +3 vs. Chicago (Chicago is not good. They just were good at the beginning of the year but have sucked for quite some time now. Buffalo gets their first win of the season here)
San Diego -3 at Houston (OK, Houston came out big in week one but haven’t done much since. Sure they’ve beaten up on the AFC West all season, but San Diego looks to be turning it on late like they always do and I think they get it done here)
New Orleans -6.5 at Carolina (F you Jonathan Stewart! If you’re like me, you started him in fantasy last week cause he was going up against the Rams D, and like me, you were cursing him by half time because he had 11 yards. What happened to Carolina’s run game? God it’s atrocious)
Arizona +9 at Minnesota (Man, what a terrible game this is. And Minnesota, what in the blue hell were you thinking trading for Randy Moss only to cut him 3 weeks later? Genius. But hey, Chilly did draft Peterson, Sidney Rice and Percy Harvin so lets cut him some slack, shall we? He also looks like a HUGE nerd. How is that man supposed to garner respect in that locker room? He looks like guys Brett Favre gave swirlies to in high school)
Tampa Bay +8.5 at Atlanta (This has to be a joke. Tampa Bay is one of the best teams in the NFC and they are 8.5 pt dogs? What kind of crazy trap is Vegas setting up for us this time?)
Detroit +4 vs. NY Jets (I originally had the Jets, but had to change it. I like this Lions team. I like Stafford, Best, Suh and don’t even get me started on the awesomeness of Megatron. Why hasn’t anyone taken up the nickname of the coolest Decepticon of them all: Soundwave? Maybe cause kids these days are bred on the lame live action Transformers and not the badass one where Optimus Prime has the touch and the powwweeeeerrrrrrrrr …………..YEAH!)
Miami +5.5 at Baltimore (I think I have picked Miami every game this year)
Cleveland +4.5 vs. New England (Cleveland comes out all amped up, New England, not so much. I do predict return TDs by Brandon Tate and Cribbs in this bad boy…at least, I hope so for fantasy purposes)
NY Giants –6.5 vs Seattle (OK, Seattle got tea-bagged by the Raiders last week, but if the ball bounced their way on at least two of those plays, they would’ve been in the game. Seattle plays better at home, but without Golden Tate, and with Charlie Whitehurst starting, I dunno if they can cover this bad boy)
KC +2.5 at Oakland (Alright, I have to pick KC for two reasons: 1.) I always pick against the Raiders. 2.) The away team wins this Oak/KC matchup 99% of the time and 3.) I am scared shitless about this game! It’s like a midway point playoff matchup. KC wins, they go 3 up on the division. Oakland wins, they are ½ game back. Gah! That’s why I’ll be taking my lady to see the Social Network and then dinner on Sunday afternoon at 4:15 p.m., so I can just try to forget that this game is happening)
Philly -3 vs. Indy (Why do Eagles games start at 4:15? Weird. Most people will take Indy, but for some reason, I like me the Eagles especially if D-Jackson is back. It seems almost too easy to take Indy, making me think I’ll try to avoid this trap and go with the Iggles)
Green Bay -8 vs. Dallas (Man, Dallas…what the hell happened to you? At least they’ll have a top ten pick and no Wade Phillips next year!)
Pittsburgh -5 at Cincy (Must I say it again? Cincy sucks and Carson Palmer is trash. Go with Pitt, who’ll be out for blood after losing to dem Nahleans Saints)
Three team tease: Tampa, Buffalo and San Diego