The Original King of Comedy
Gah! Just look at that picture…I hope you weren’t eating.
Louis CK, Chris Rock, Daniel Tosh…these men have one thing in common: They are comedians. Good ones. Great ones. But unfortunately for them, they have nothing on this man: Al Davis.
Holy God was yesterday’s press conference a thing of comedic beauty. It lasted from 4:15 until about 6 p.m. I don’t know if any comedian except Cosby can go for that long. And it wasn’t just the length, it was the material. Davis kept me constantly bagging up the entire time.
Whether it be from his rancid yellow rat teeth, his fingers (da fingaz!) that inexplicably point upwards, backwards and sideways all at the same time, or his just total “I don’t give an S because I am old and can say whateva I want” attitude, that press conference was a thing of beauty.
I was on Raiderfans.net afterwards to see what other Raider fans thought of the press conference and one of them put it perfectly: “Are all press conferences like this? If they were, I’d watch every one.”
Exactly! Unfortunately, they are not. Because the other 30 teams (Bengals excluded) are run by sane people. But that’s what makes it great and that’s what makes me love the Raiders: Their owner is completely off his rocker.
Let’s look at some highlights shall we?
In the first twenty minutes, Davis managed to talk S on Elway, Favre and Sam Bradford. Of Elway, he said something to the extent of “He sucked for 15 years and then won two super bowls and now everyone calls him the best ever,” which had me laughing because I hate Elway and it’s TRUE! (Cue Broncos fans yelling in uproar).
He said that Favre only won one Superbowl and people call him great, and basically said that Bradford choked down the stretch when his team needed him most, again, does the man lie? Absolutely not (maybe). He just tells it like it is.
Davis accused Cable of flying in his mistress the night before away games for swing parties and then said “That’s not the Raider way.” Of course, arguably the best Raiders QB ever (Snake Stabler) played about 99% of his games with a hangover from getting tanked the night before games and having rendezvous’s with multiple female companions, so what’s the “Raider way” really?
Veteran Bay Area reporter Tim Kawakami, aka the guy who was accosted by a Raider’s aide a couple years back and who constantly bashes the Raiders in his columns, was publicly ridiculed by Davis during the press conference. Every time Kawakami rose to ask a question, Davis made him introduce himself multiple times and the exchanges went something like this:
Kawakami: Hi, uh, Tim Kawakami from the Mercury News. Mr. Davis…
Davis: Who?
Kawakami: Tim Kawakami from the…
Davis: WHO?
Kawakami: Tim…
Davis: WHOOOOOOO?
Haha, gold.
One of the reporters, Vittorio Tafur from the San Francisco Chronicle, asked a question towards the end that had Davis shaking his head saying, “Vittorio…Vittorio…you weren’t paying attention!”
When one of his aides said the press conference was over, Davis wanted to read a statement about Cable and the Randy Hansen incident and said to the aide in clear range of all the microphones, “Aw man, you really f***ed it up.” I did a spit take.
The funniest thing that was said of all, though? “The Raiders will compete for a Super Bowl.” Hah! Yeah right.
Good stuff Mr. Davis. I heart you and your awesomeness. Keep on keeping on.
