Tag Archive: wwe

25 of You Ain’t Coming Back!

March 2, 2012 Adam Thomas

1.) Stef and I watched the Oscar Red Carpet last Sunday and instantly witnessed a classic Oscar moment. No, I am not talking about Ali G pouring ashes all over Ryan Seacrest, I am talking about Viola Davis showing up to the Red Carpet with Mr. Payne, the teacher from Dazed and Confused!

Mr. Payne, whose real name is Julius Tennon, is married to Davis and I couldn’t believe how crazy it was to see him standing next to Ryan Seacrest.  I kept waiting for him to take the mic from Seacrest and say, “Ryan, it’s like our Sergeant told us before one trip into the jungle. MEN! 50 of you are leaving on a mission, 25 of you AIN’T COMING BACK!”

Sadly…that did not happen. He just seemed like a nice guy thrilled for his wife to be nominated. Unfortunately, she was going up against Meryl Streep, and did not get the Oscar.

By the way, a loyal reader submitted the drawing to the right, and I must say, GREAT WORK! I love how Ryan Seacrest cowers in it. The artist wished to remain nameless, however, so I will just refer to him as “The Benefactor.”

2.) So the Rock returned to the WWE on Monday and man…it was pretty bad. Not only did he keep referring to himself as “Dwayne Johnson” but he also made a reference to Twitter.  Goodness. Give up the Twitter stuff, Rock.

If that wasn’t enough, Cena came out and totally HOUSED him.  Let me repeat that, John Cena defeated the Rock on the mic.  That just should not happen.

However, I do think that this is all just a clever ruse of the WWE trying to make it so people don’t just totally cheer for the Rock at Wrestlemania.  But did they forget that Wrestlemania is in Miami?  The Rock’s hometown?  Nobody is going to be cheering for Cena that night. Honestly, the Rock’s return has been such a let down.  Maybe he just should’ve stayed away.

Jericho and CM Punk had an INCREDIBLE confrontation to start off Raw, and there is no doubt in my mind that Jericho/CM Punk is going to steal the show at Wrestlemania.

3.) I really enjoyed the Grantland article focusing on the Pacers/Pistons brawl from 2004. I remember that game vividly because me, NT and my dad were in Oakland to see a Raiders game when it all went down. And it was Pandemonium! But that wasn’t the craziest part of the night.  The craziest part of the night came when we were watching a college football game (I wanna say it involved Florida) and we all had this exchange that will forever live in Thomas Family folklore:

Me (sitting in a chair, wired from being in Oakland, having drank a White Chocolate Mocha from Starbucks earlier in the day, and totally awake): Man, you know what play they never run anymore? The Statue of Liberty! Dad, why don’t they run the Statue of Liberty play anymore?

Dad (95% asleep and dead tired from the plane flight, is lying on the bed and says nothing)

Me: Dad, why don’t they run it?

Dad: (Silence)

Me: Dad, why don’t they run the play?

Dad: (Silence)


NT: (sitting on the edge of the other bed watching the TV, finally fed up with me pestering Big Neil) Maybe BECAUSE IT SUCKS!

Haha, oh man, that is a lot funnier if you were there. Sorry for wasting your time.

BUT I must say that I was completely vindicated three years later when Boise State ran THE STATUE OF LIBERTY to beat Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl.  So BOOOOM!

4.) We finally got completely moved into our new house and let me just say one thing: Moving sucks. Moving also makes you aware of all the needless crap that you own. Like a brown fleece jacket that you never wear…BUT YOU MIGHT so you shove it in a box. No more moving for me, please.

Man, that’s all I got, I think I used up all my words on yesterdays soccer game breakdown.  Have a good weekend everybody!


Date with Ikea

February 3, 2012 Adam Thomas

1.) For the record, Blake Griffin’s “Dunk” over Kendrick Perkins was not technically a dunk.  Remember a few years back when Dwight Howard put on the Superman cape and jumped up and chucked the ball into the hoop during the dunk contest?  A lot of people cried “That’s not a dunk!” Well, that is exactly what Griffin did to Perkins.  He jumped really high, got fouled and chucked the ball into the hoop.  Impressive?  OF COURSE!  Dunk?  I think not. Kevin Durant agrees with me!

2.) Robert Kraft, owner of the Patriots, recently said, “We’re red, white and blue and our name is Patriots. How can you hate something like that?”  Quite easily, Kraft, cause you make pretentious comments like that. And your QB’s supermodel girlfriend sends out an e-mail asking for friends to pray for “Tommy” as he tries to win the Super Bowl.  Cause that’s what he needs, MORE good fortune in his life. He’s already had the “Tuck Rule”…I think that’s enough good fortune for ten lifetimes.

3.) Stef and I took our first trip to Ikea last Saturday and I have got to say, that place is pretty fun.  It’s like a museum you can touch! It has comfy sofas and couches and beds, and it has…wait for it…CHICKEN FINGERS!  Holy cow, what a place.  You can just be dipping chicken fingers in honey mustard and drinking a Mountain Dew whilst standing in a kitchen with marble counter tops, stainless steel appliances and new age wine racks.  It’s DIVINE!

4.) My friends have recently been asking me to play a lot of poker, and you know what?  I LOVE IT!  I forgot how much fun poker can be, and hadn’t really played in a while.  Luckily, we had one game that wasn’t for money and it taught me that I really needed to hone my skills back to where they were a few years ago during the height of the poker craze–when I lived with Randy and he would leave books by Barry Greenstein lying around and I’d watch Rounders three times a week.

So before heading back to the table to play for some money, I decided to play on-line to test my skills against a bunch of people I didn’t know. I forgot how much fun it can be to bust somebody who is a complete stranger to you, and how deliciously aggravating it can be to lose a hand on the river to somebody you’ve never seen. After playing on-line for a bit, I felt like my skills were sufficiently up to snuff. And lo and behold, I won the next game against my friends.

5.) We’re heading up to the Sixers tonight and I get to do my two favorite things during an NBA game.  1.) Cheer for the Sixers and 2.) BOOOOOOOO Lebron James!  Hooray!

6.) I turned on–and quickly turned off in favor of “Turner and Hooch”–Sportscenter this morning and for some reason, Skip Bayless was interviewing Tim Tebow.  WHY? It made me throw up a little bit in my mouth, but there is no doubt that Bayless was in heaven.  In fact, I’m pretty sure that Bayless’ heaven involves Tebow karate chopping Lebron James in the throat.

7.) While we’re on the subject of “Turner and Hooch” does it really have to end like that?  I’m just saying, it gets REALLY dark pretty quick.  I turned it off this morning before I turned into a puddle.

8.) Good for Sheamus winning the Royal Rumble!  I’ll never forget when NT first saw Sheamus and literally started screaming “EWWWWWWWW” The man is incredibly gross to look at, and his nickname “The Great White” is questionable at best, flat out racist at worst. His goatee also looks like what would happen if you sprinkled a bunch of Cheetos on a dry erase board.

9.) Oh, and if you’re still here, my Super Bowl pick is Giants 27, Patriots 24.

Enjoy the game!



Liam Neeson: A Wolf Would Destroy You

January 27, 2012 Adam Thomas

1.) I know that I am probably going to get destroyed for saying this, but I’m getting a little sick of Liam Neeson’s attempt at being an action star.  You know why?  Cause the guy looks out of shape!  In fact, I bet Liam Neeson couldn’t even finish a 5K. After that movie, Taken, I’ve heard people say things like, “Liam Neeson is BADASS!”  To that I say, “No…no he isn’t.”

In this new movie, The Grey, Neeson has to take out a pack of angry wolves.  I’m sure that Neeson will win in the movie, but do you know who would win in real life?  THE WOLVES!  Here’s how it would play out.  Old, slow Liam Neeson would take one swing at the quick and hungry wolves, he would miss, he’d be out of breath and the wolves would tear his throat out.

End of movie.  Liam Neeson, go back to starring in chick flicks like Love Actually.  You’re not an action star and it’s starting to get on my nerves.

2.) For those of you that are in Delaware, I implore you: Go check out the University of Delaware’s Women’s Basketball team.  Holy crap they are incredible!  Elena Delle Donne is ridiculous to watch in person, it’s like seeing the women’s basketball version of Magic Johnson.  She makes sweet no-look passes, blocks shots, hits three, has a great inside game, it’s remarkable. Last night she had 41 points, 15 rebounds and 5 assists.  Not too shabby.

And let’s not take away from the rest of the team, either.  They are STACKED!  In fact, as of this post, they are ranked #15 IN THE COUNTRY.  Delle Donne is the leading scorer IN THE COUNTRY!  How many times is this going to happen at UD?  If you haven’t seen a game yet, go and watch.  You will not be disappointed.

3.) To piggy back off the last point, I once had male a friend in high school who said that he could play in the WNBA.  He shall remain nameless (though, you neighborhood friends are sure to remember this claim) but let me just let him no this: There is no chance in hell that he could hang in the WNBA. After watching the women’s basketball game last night, not only was I thoroughly impressed but I was also re-assured that if I or any of my male friends tried to step on that floor we would’ve gotten DESTROYED by any player out there.  Forget the WNBA, women’s college athletics is no joke.

4.) How in the blue hell did Jonah Hill get nominated for an Academy Award for his performance in Money Ball?  Also, how did the Melissa McCarthy get nominated for Bridesmaids?  Have movies really gotten THAT bad? Don’t get me wrong, McCarthy was kinda funny in the movie, but she wasn’t THAT funny. And Hill, well, he didn’t really have to do much.

5.) The Raiders hired the Broncos DC for their head coach, and you know what?  I LOVE IT!  Of course, I also loved the hiring of Art Shell (it was college, don’t ask), Lane Kiffin (college again, and as has been documented here many times, my senior thesis was dedicated to Lane Kiffin and JaMarcus Russell who would return the Raiders to the glory days…which is probably the most hilarious and short-sighted thing I’ve ever done), loved Tom Cable being hired and loved the hiring of Hue Jackson.  So I mean, yeah, I’m probably not the best judge of Raiders head coaching candidates.

6.) You know, Lee Evans really should’ve held onto that touchdown, but if you go back and watch the tape (The word TAPE! That must mean it’s almost NFL Draft time!) it almost looks as if he didn’t get two but THREE feet down in the endzone before he loses the ball.  Just go back and watch it.  Here’s what COULD have happened (for the record, I am playing devil’s advocate cause I don’t think it was a catch): As soon as he catches the ball–and I mean for a SPLIT second–it looks like he has the ball AND his left foot is down, then his right foot gets down no questions asked, and then he MAYBE (but probably not) still has the ball as his right foot hits the ground again.  I’m not saying he caught it, but it definitely should’ve been reviewed.  Oh and also: I hate the Patriots.

7.) My pick for this year’s Royal Rumble winner?  Cody Rhodes!  At least, that is what I’m hoping for.  If Rhodes wins, it gives some new blood a chance and is better than a re-tread like Randy Orton winning (though, he probably will).

By the way, while we are talking about the WWE, can we talk about Brodus Clay?  The man may be the best thing the WWE has going for it.  For those of you who don’t know, Brodus Clay is this big fat ugly dude who they call “The Funkasaurus” who comes out in old red Run DMC Addidas suits, dances with two girls, rips them off and wrestles in a singlet. It sounds TERRIBLE, I know, but somehow, SOMEHOW it works. He also announces all his moves as he is doing them, so when he is about to suplex someone across the ring, he grabs them and yells “SUPLEX!” Which I think is really funny. He also yells “MY BAD!” Whenever he crushes someone with a move, which is also pretty funny.  Brodus Clay is a character that shouldn’t work, one that should be incredibly stupid, and yet somehow, he is awesome.  I predict that he will hold a title (not the world but maybe a U.S. or Intercontinental) before the year is out, after they do away with the “Funkasaurus” gimmick and make him into a scary, intimidating heel.

That’s all for me!  Until next time….


Don’t Tug on Superman’s Cape

September 4, 2011 Adam Thomas

1.) Grantland, it’s bad enough that all you turned out to be is a massive disappointment, churning out articles that read like a “try to write like Bill Simmons” contest, but now you’re going after the Phillies, and more specifically, Ryan Howard. In his article “Father Time and the Philadelphia Phillies,” Rany Jazayerli takes on the Phillies and how they are old and won’t be good in the not so distant future. A few points about this article:

He writes: “We’re almost halfway through this column and I haven’t mentioned a hitter yet. There’s a reason for that — the Phillies’ offense isn’t particularly good. After finishing first or second in the NL in runs scored every year from 2005 to 2010, the Phillies have dropped to sixth this season.”

First of all, sixth is not all that bad, especially not when you have top pitching.  But it should be noted that while the Phillies are sixth for the season, they are the second highest scoring offense since Chase Utley returned. Before Utley returned, they were 12th in the NL.  They are now 6th.  That is a pretty significant jump, and since they acquired Hunter Pence, they have been the best offensive team in the NL. (Thanks to the goodphight.com for the stats).

Does the author mention this?  Nope.  He just says that the offense is bad.

On Ryan Howard, Rany says that he is “Clearly past his prime.” Which is funny because he posted this the day after Howard hit 2 HRs and reached another 30 HR, 100 RBI season.

Here is what really pissed me off about this article, he mentions how the Atlanta Braves have two stud rookies this year, and they had Jason Heyward last year who, “had one of the best seasons by a 20-year-old hitter in decades.”

But that’s it for Heyward, he had a good season LAST year. Why doesn’t Rany bring up the fact that this year, Heyward is TERRIBLE. Here are his stats: .220, 13 HR, 39 RBIs, 43 R, 6 SB.  Holy shit!  Watch out Philly!

Now, am I saying that Heyward is going to suck like this forever?  No.  Maybe he is just having a down year.  But to bring up a guy who had a good year last year and then not mention that he is horrible this year is bad writing. You can’t use that to strengthen your argument, especially while shitting all over Ryan Howard in the process.

You want a Ryan Howard stat?  Here’s one: most RBI’s through 1000 games in MLB history 1.) Ted Williams 2.) RYAN HOWARD 3.) Babe Ruth.   Most HR through 1000 games: 1.) RYAN HOWARD 2.) Ralph Kiner 3.) Babe Ruth.

I’m sure mad that the Phillies have that guy on their team for the next five years…

Also, if the Phillies mortgaged their future to win it all this year, and they actually win the World Series, who gives a shit?  You think the Giants would trade in their World Series last year just to be competitive for the next 5 years?  Cause I don’t.

2.) I read an article in Sports Illustrated about the Brewers and here are some highlights.  Nyjer Morgan walks around the clubhouse covered in baby oil, they play naked golf in the clubhouse and they growl at each other like the monsters in Monsters Inc. after they get hits.  If I were the Phillies I would be peeing myself in fear.

3.) Of all the WWE Attitude Era catch phrases, one that doesn’t get enough love is “Welcome to…RAW…IS…JERICHO!” Another thing about the Attitude Era that I feel gets forgotten is just how terrible HHH was.  He literally married the boss’s daughter and then inserted himself into the main events.  I always remember thinking, “Get out of here HHH!”  You’re getting in the way of The Rock vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin!

That’s it.  I’m in the final week of wedding planning and am incredibly tired. This is my last column for 2 weeks as I go off and tour Costa Rica. So Randy and a NEW writer (I’m not gonna spoil the surprise) will handle things.

Thanks for reading and I’ll see you all with the NFL picks later in the week!

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Kevin Nash is Old, Tom Waits is the Beast

August 19, 2011 Adam Thomas

1.) WWE…why?  Oh goodness how you dropped the ball. Kevin Nash?  Really?  Really?  I was so excited to see the SummerSlam results and then so let down to find out that it ended in the most TNA-rrific way possible.  Having the gross hair-dyed corpse of Kevin Nash “spring” out of the stands to power bomb the “triumphant” (Cena’s foot was on the ropes) C.M. Punk allowing Alberto del Rio to cash in his Money in the Bank Briefcase.

Damn you HHH.  Look, just cause you’re friends with Kevin Nash, doesn’t mean that he should be allowed anywhere near WWE television.  The man looks old as hell and his act has been tired for about 10 years.  Has anyone else seen the clip from a few years ago where Nash tries to power bomb someone but is so old and out of shape that he can’t even lift the guy up and they both just kind of collapse and Nash ends up sitting down on the mat with the guy in his lap?  Well I have.  And it is a sad sight indeed.

Nash, go away.  Or better yet, go back to TNA where guys like Hogan and Flair are still wrestling.  By the way, if you thought Flair’s man-boobs were gross in the 90’s, you should see them now!  When he gets chopped (WHOOOO!) it looks like they are in danger of just sailing off his chest and into the stands (shudder).

2.) Every once in a while, I will be looking up an artists’ catalog on Itunes and I will be surprised to find that a song I know is actually a cover of another artist.  The song in question, “Downtown Train” which I always thought was by Rod Stewart. Turns out that he’s actually covering a Tom Waits song (hipsters everywhere shake their heads in disgust).

Anyway, the Tom Waits version of “Downtown Train” is incredible. Within seconds of hearing it, I e-mailed my fiance and said, “We have to add this to our wedding song playlist!” Cause if any song deserves to be on a wedding playlist, it’s one about stalking a girl on a train and possibly at her apartment.

Waits is also responsible for the song “Way Down in the Hole” which all Wire fans will be familiar with, and his version is featured in Season Two.

I always loved his album “Closing Time” because he was singing with a semi-regular voice and not the real gruff voice that makes him sound like a cigar stained homeless wino who wondered into the studio off the street. But I’m starting to like the hobo sounding Waits too.  You know why?  Cause when he sings, I picture the Beast from the animated Beauty and the Beast wearing a Humphrey Bogart hat and crooning earnestly about women or reading free verse poetry at a smokey coffee house.

3.) The Dream Team looked a little shaky last night, to say the least.  Lets get one thing straight, if you’re going to have a “Dream Team” you need capable linebackers and an offensive line. But rest assured, Eagles fans, it’s only the pre-season.  I remember one year the Raiders won all their games in the pre-season only to go 2-14 in the regular season.  Which of course, led them to landing the number one pick and the franchise saving QB: JaMarcus Russell.

4.) Right now I am losing 0-10 in Theheadrush’s fantasy baseball league.  You know how embarrassing it is to lose 0-10?  It’s almost as embarrassing as thinking you can win a Super Bowl with Casey Matthews as your starting middle linebacker (Eagles fans, remember this comment when they get to the Super Bowl and Matthews is rookie of the year).

5.) We moved recently and our poor cat, Manny, can’t seem to find the litter box. So now every morning he runs around meowing up a storm, clawing at us and hopping from box to box trying to find a proper place to poop.  This leads to us picking him up, taking him downstairs and stuffing him into his litter box igloo only for him to stay in there for .01 seconds and then sprint back upstairs.  Look, Manny, I know the basement is scary, I’m scared of it too, but that’s where the box is.  Deal with it.

Why am I talking about my cat going to the bathroom?  Cause I had no fifth topic and wanted one!  That’s why!

Have a good weekend.  Until next time…


Random Thoughts

April 14, 2011 Adam Thomas

1.) My fiance and I watched Mystic River on Tuesday and one thing that has always bugged me about that movie is Sean Penn’s glasses.  What the hell?  Look at those things.  This guy is supposed to be some badass and yet he walks around with Grandpa glasses.  I mean…look, if I saw the guy on the street, I wouldn’t say anything to him about them, and I guess that means they’re badass, but…come on. He looks ridiculous!  The ending of that movie is very unintentionally funny, as is any scene in which Penn wears those shades.

Penn: “Look, I wantcho guys to go and find who kilt my daughta.”

Savage Brother: “Uh, yeah but you look kinda silly wit dos glasses on boss…”

Penn: “Find who kilt my daughta!”

2.) Dwight Howard ended the Sixers season when he dunked on Jrue Holiday and told him “Don’t Jump” as he was dunking on him. Then he laughed about it to reporters and said something to the extent that Holiday’s career is over.  That is embarrassing on so many levels. It will be fun to root against the Heat, but come on, the Sixers have no chance. Howard’s quotes just go to show how much respect the Sixers get around the league: none. Let’s hope that Jrue recovers from that sort of public humiliation. I don’t know if I would.  Good season, hopefully we draft that dude from Morehead State.

3.) I enjoyed the 60 Minutes story on Albert Pujols.  BUT I still can’t be 100% sure that he has never used steroids, which sucks, but is true.  Look at his head. That thing is ginormous.  I just watch baseball and suspect everyone is on steroids, especially Miguel Cabrera.

4.)  I’m really jealous of everyone who has HBO because A Game of Thrones looks AWESOME. I saw a preview back in January and went to the Newark Library, got a copy of the book and plowed through it.  It was one of the best reads I’ve had in awhile, and Peter Dinkelage (from my favorite movie of all time The Station Agent) playing the best character in the series, Tyrion Lannister, is just perfect.  Damn.  Wish I had HBO.  Of course, I stalled out about 400 pages into book two, A Clash of Kings. I’m sorry but there are only so many times I can read J.R.R. Martin write “Jon Snow broke his fast” instead of “Jon Snow ate breakfast” before it drives me completely nuts.  Also, Bran and Sansa chapters are like torture.  I just skipped over them by book two. Arya chapters, on the other hand, are the balls.

5.) Nice to see R-Truth get a title shot in WWE.  After months (and I mean MONTHS) of jobbing to people, it may seem kind abrupt, but that’s how the WWE rolls.  You job to people without complaining, and you’ll eventually get a title shot.  That’s why I bet Evan Bourne gets one before John Morrison.  Bourne loses to everybody, Morrison seems all pissed when he has to lose. Anyway, good job R-Truth.

Winter is coming…

Until next time.