Tag Archive: tom cable

So Long and Thank You for the Lack of Memories Part 2

August 3, 2011 Adam Thomas

You know, when I was in 3rd grade, we had a big water gun fight at my elementary school.  I had a hold of a pretty solid Super Soaker 50.  I was lighting kids up left and right, all was well with the world.  But then I saw this sweet looking contraption lying on the ground: it was a HUGE water canon connected to a back pack that held an ungodly amount of water.

I threw down the Super Soaker, sprinted to the canon, put it on my back, strapped up and was ready to tear the roof off the sucka when all of a sudden something dawned on me: the back pack was empty. There was no water. I looked back and my Super Soaker was gone.  My gambit failed and I endured the wrath of running out of water at a water gun fight.

Why do I bring this up?  Because I feel like Zach Miller just traded in his nice Super Soaker 50 for a shiny looking water canon/backpack that is out of water.

Actually, scratch that.  Miller traded in his Super Soaker for a broken water balloon.

The Seahawks?  THE SEAHWAKS?  Are you F-ing kidding me!

This free agency period has left me pretty freakin’ disenfranchised with football players. Look, I poke fun at the Eagles for having never won a Super Bowl (which is true), but they do routinely make the playoffs, so I can understand Nnamdi wanting to play there.

The Seahwaks are a disgrace of an NFL franchise. They have never won a damn thing (yes I know, ONE super bowl appearance, congrats).

Here are some facts for ya:

Fact: Zach Miller made the pro-bowl one year (as an alternate) and it was last year when Hue Jackson was the Raiders Offensive Coordinator. Now that said Coordinator is head coach, Miller decides it’s time to leave. Makes sense.

Fact: The Raiders beat the Seahawks 33-3 last year. Yep, that seems like a team headed in the right direction. (By the way, in that win Miller put up a steller one catch for 8 yards.)

Fact: Tavaris Jackson…TAVARIS JACKSON is going to be throwing passes to Zach Miller, and when I say throwing passes, I mean throwing them into the dirt or directly into the back of an offensive linemen’s helmet.

Fact: Tight Ends grow on freaking trees.  I think I started three different TE’s last year in fantasy football and they all played for the Patriots. There is no shortage of good tight ends. And paying one who missed time last year with injuries (i.e. concussions) 17 million dollars does not make sense.

Fact: In all of the Raiders’ 8 wins last year, Zach Miller caught two TDs. Not exactly irreplaceable numbers.

Fact: Despite wall the doom and gloom pundits out there saying that Tom Cable is stealing all of Al Davis’ free agents, the Raiders had like 17 free agents this year and two of them went to the Seahawks.  One (Robert Gallery) will be injured by week 4 (he is ALWAYS injured) and the other will be playing shortstop for Tavaris Jackson’s passes.

Smart choice, guys.

Nnamdi, I forgive you.  Miller, you are dead to me.

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The Original King of Comedy

January 19, 2011 Adam Thomas

Gah! Just look at that picture…I hope you weren’t eating.

Louis CK, Chris Rock, Daniel Tosh…these men have one thing in common: They are comedians.  Good ones.  Great ones.  But unfortunately for them, they have nothing on this man: Al Davis.

Holy God was yesterday’s press conference a thing of comedic beauty.  It lasted from 4:15 until about 6 p.m.  I don’t know if any comedian except Cosby can go for that long.  And it wasn’t just the length, it was the material.  Davis kept me constantly bagging up the entire time.

Whether it be from his rancid yellow rat teeth, his fingers (da fingaz!) that inexplicably point upwards, backwards and sideways all at the same time, or his just total “I don’t give an S because I am old and can say whateva I want” attitude, that press conference was a thing of beauty.

I was on Raiderfans.net afterwards to see what other Raider fans thought of the press conference and one of them put it perfectly: “Are all press conferences like this?  If they were, I’d watch every one.”

Exactly!  Unfortunately, they are not.  Because the other 30 teams (Bengals excluded) are run by sane people.  But that’s what makes it great and that’s what makes me love the Raiders: Their owner is completely off his rocker.

Let’s look at some highlights shall we?

(more…)

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