Tag Archive: tom brady

Balls, Balls, Balls

January 23, 2015 Adam Thomas

Has Deflate Gate peaked? Peaked? Let me tell you something. It hasn’t even begun to peak. And when it does peak, you’ll know. Because it’s gonna peak so hard that everybody in Philadelphia is gonna feel it.

For real, for real. I think my favorite part of deflate gate so far, besides all the snickers whenever people refer to how Brady likes his balls, is Mark Brunell trying hard not to cry or jump through the TV cameras to strangle Tom Brady over his response to the whole situation yesterday. Brunell looked seriously distraught over the fact that Tom Brady–who is pretty much the definition of an asshole–would be so cavalier about the whole situation.

Here is a (fake) and brief transcript of his response:

Brunell (pointing a pen at the TV like a bayonet): Let me tell you something Trey, when I played football…I inspected every ball on the sideline. Every ball that was going to be used in the game, every time. Without fail. And if Tom Brady is going to sit there and he is going to tell me that he didn’t know if the balls were properly inflated…well, once upon a time, he might have been considered the greatest QB in the history of the NFL, but NOT NOW. (starts weeping uncontrollably).

My personal opinion? Meh. Of course they cheated. This is the Patriots we’re talking about here. A team that hasn’t won the Super Bowl since getting busted for videotaping the other team’s signals. And Tom Brady? He’s a penis, so of course I think that fool did everything in his power to deflate the footballs.

Honestly, anyone that has ever thrown or caught a football knows that it is easier to do when it is deflated, and if it didn’t give the Patriots an advantage, then they wouldn’t have done it in the first place. So yes, I think they cheated. But whatever. The Patriots vs. the Seahawks is the best possible matchup for someone like me–someone who stopped caring about the outcome of football games once my Fantasy season ended. Admit they cheated, but also admit that Seahawks vs. Patriots > Seahawks vs. any other AFC team (besides the Raiders of course!)

Album pick of the week: My new year’s resolution has been to listen to more music and go to more concerts this year and as such, if I start to do this column on a regular basis again–which I really want too but am making no promises–the album pick of the week is going to be a mainstay.

This week’s pick is HEAL by Strand of Oaks. Holy (highly inflated) balls! What a great CD! I can’t stop listening to it. Right from the get go, Goshen ’97 kicks serious ass and the album doesn’t let up after that. I also saw the dude play live on youtube and he was using a Fender blacktop telecaster which is like $400 and makes him even more cooler in my book–I always love when bands use cheap guitars for some reason.

Anyway, if you haven’t checked it out, do yourself a favor and pick it up!

Until next time, enjoy watching Stephen A Smith and Skip Bayless spit all over each other discussing balls everyone!


Delaware Park Parlay Card Part Trois

January 16, 2013 Adam Thomas

The Denver Broncos vs Baltimore Ravens AFC Divisional playoff game.1.) Aren’t we all lucky to have the regular refs back in our lives?  They did not miss a single call last weekend and I for one am glad that they did not stay locked out for longer.  Yeeeesh.

Of course that is sarcasm, and even though I thought that the replacement refs were terrible, it turns out that the regular refs are just as terrible. It was, however, very nice to see the Broncos get screwed over on a ‘Tuck Rule’ non call. So that made me happy.

It was those same Broncos, mind you, that kept me from being PERFECT in my game predictions for these playoffs.  But when you do a three team parlay, that one game means everything. Again though, I was never more happy to be wrong.

2.) I feel really sorry for that young child in the Tide commercial where he is wrapped up in a Raiders towel and a Raiders jersey and his dad says, “Timmy didn’t get to choose his colors, they were chosen for him.”  Or something along those lines.  Sadly, I think the commercial rings too close to home. RUN TIMMY! Run NOW! The Raiders will only break your heart. Trust me.

3.) After watching that commercial, I decided to youtube clips of the ‘Tuck Rule.’  I haven’t seen that play since it happened 11 years ago sending me crying into my parents basement where I hung out with our cat who had been quarantined after being attacked by a raccoon. Don’t ask me why I watched it. The worst part is the referee who made the call said, “It was clear as day, Brady’s arm was going forward.” See how terrible real refs are? I want the scab refs back please.

4.) Randy sent me an absurd text over the weekend that read like this: ’65 yrds…2 sec…u gotta kick it?? right??’ This was during the Seattle game mind you, a Seattle game featuring a kicker the Seahawks had just signed during the week and whose career long is a 55 yard field goal. Also, and I’m not sure if you are aware of this or not, but the Seahawks won on a Hail Mary earlier in the season in a little seen game without a hint of controversy against the Packers.

Still….the Seahawks lost when they attempted the Hail Mary. Would they have lost if they had tried the kick?  I can’t say yes….but I also can’t say no.  That Randy may just be a made genius.

Just kidding. They definitely should not have attempted a field goal.

As for this week, I like:

49ers -4.5 (Wilson almost threw for 400 yards last week against ATL, imagine what Kaepernick is capable of),  Ravens +9.5 (Ray Lewis’ last stand) and the NFC +.5 in the Pro Bowl (gotta pick the Pro Bowl game).

Last week I was 2-1, putting me at 5-1 for the playoffs.



Post Super Bowl Thoughts

February 6, 2012 Adam Thomas

1.)  This Super Bowl gave us an instantly classic moment and no I’m not talking about Eli Manning’s crazy pass to Mario Manningham (although that was pretty memorable). I’m talking about 5 minutes into the first quarter, when every wife/girlfriend in America turned to their husband/boyfriend and asked: ‘What’s a safety?’

2.) How come Eli Manning and Tom Coughlin get kissed into the Hall of Fame after their second Super Bowl win and yet Jim Plunkett and Tom Flores–QB and Coach for the Raiders–who both have two Super Bowl rings get no love?

Then Curtis Martin gets in?  Are you KIDDING ME?  Curtis Martin was like the 10th best running back in Madden 99 and yet he makes the Hall of Fame?  What the heck?

3.) Since ESPN has glossed over this point at every opportunity, let me just shed light on one little thing: Tom Brady and Bill Belichick have not won a super bowl post-spy gate. Let me repeat this: the Patriots have never won a super bowl without videotaping their opponents. This is why it was so important for them to win yesterday.  If they win yesterday, they have a legit championship.  But they lost, and so every time somebody mentions the Pats three super bowls, all of us haters can say, “Yes…but they cheated.”

4.) On Friday night after the Sixers game, a very inebriated older woman stood in traffic dancing around like an idiot while depressed Philly fans beeped their horns and yelled at her.  During her halftime show, Madonna looked like a mix between that drunk woman and a new-born baby just learning how to walk.

5.) I didn’t even notice that M.I.A. flipped the bird. But who cares?  Jeez folks, let’s all calm it down a bit.

6.) I read an article on Yahoo that was supposed to make me feel bad for Brady and see how much this loss meant to him. Note to the writer: if you want me to feel sympathy for the devil, please don’t put in a sentence like, “where his wife, Brazilian Supermodel….”

7.) No good ads this year, but there never are!  This is the biggest myth in America. The Super Bowl ads always try way too hard to be funny. The only Super Bowl ad that I ever found funny was the ad about ten years ago with the “Cat Herders” where the cowboys herded cats across a barren desert and sat around the campfire using lint rollers to get the hair off their leather outfits.  Yeah, and even that sounds stupid when I write it out.

8.) From now until eternity, there will not be a Super Bowl in the Thomas house hold that does not involve Chili.  Stef made a pot yesterday and it was INCREDIBLE! I am counting down the minutes until I can have some for lunch. Chili will be seeping out of my pours by Wednesday. Special thanks to Deadspin’s Drew Magary who included a chili recipe in his excellent Super Bowl Jamboroo, which gave us the inspiration to make some chili!

9.) Now that the football is out of the way, it’s time to focus on the best sporting event of the year: THE NFL DRAFT!  And just because Kiper and McShay never live up to their mistakes, it’s time for me to own up to mine.  Here’s what I wrote last year about Von Miller:

“I think that Von Miller guy is going to be the biggest bust in the draft.  He looks tiny as hell and he just seems like the kind of guy who gets all sorts of buzz and then never does anything.  Tyson Jackson anyone?”

hahahahaha, what an IDIOT!  Von Miller just won Defensive Rookie of the Year.  So…yeah…I was juuuust a bit off on that one.

10.) Super Bowl picks for next year?  Hows about the Texans and the 49ers!  Yeah buddy!

Alright, that’s all for me.  But I’m hoping to be back this week with another post.


We All Need a Savior, Mine Is Cam Newton

August 30, 2011 Randy Neil

I’m frightened, gang. Frightened because the off-season is almost over and I’m not sure how things are going to end up. No, I’m not talking about football. I’m talking about the NBA.

Obviously ESPN isn’t constantly discussing labor agreement talks for the NBA like they did with the NFL, so let me give you an update…. IT’S ALL OVER MAN!! Reports indicate that neither side is close to an agreement, and with many NBA players signing oversees, the future looks bleak.

Roger Goodell didn’t have the threat of players leaving his league and signing elsewhere during his negotiations. David Stern is a stubborn man, more stubborn that Goodell, and the possibility of no American basketball being played this Fall looks imminent.

So what are players doing? Well, Deron Williams already signed with Besiktas. Kobe Bryant was talking about it. Wilson Chandler just signed with some league in China. Someone even told me that Kevin Durant has signed with another Greek League.

Turns out he didn’t, but he did happen to sign a movie contract. That’s right, Durant is making a movie this “off-season” to help him sustain if the lockout continues through the season (here’s hoping it’s Space Jam 2!) He’s also getting in some hot water Tweeting about Michael Vick.

If you hadn’t heard, Michael Vick just signed a 6-year $100 million deal with the Eagles. The man is getting paid! Right after, Durant Tweeted that Michael Vick “was not a top 5 QB.” Naturally, there was some Philly backlash.

I mean, not that it was really any of his business, but he makes a valid point. Vick is getting paid as much as Peyton Manning and Tom Brady. I don’t doubt any of Michael Vick’s talents, nor do I think he’s not capable of winning us a Superbowl, but this worries me a bit. It’s almost too good of a story. A man experiences success, commits a crime, pays his dues, then redeems himself by being better than ever? Call me crazy, but I still think the man has a few dog skeletons in his closet.

You know who doesn’t have me worried? CAM NEWTON BABY!! The kid looks like a natural. I suppose anyone would after learning the “ropes” from a veteran quarterback like Jimmy Clausen (zing!) How could there even be a question about who should get the starting job? Clausen was a total bust, which probably makes many-a-hater happy out there, but for me, last year was rough. I welcome Cam with open arms.

In fact, all 3 of my fantasy league drafts are going to look as followed :

First pick : Cam Newton.

Second pick : David Akers.

Third pick : DeAngelo Hall.

Fourth Pick : Jimmy Clausen.

Results? I’ll win every league. But keep that between us, it’s my little secret. ;)

Seriously though, Cam Newton is probably going to have an average year, with many ups and downs, but after last year’s 2-14 season, average is friggin’ great! Add in the fact that Jeremy Shockey is now reviving players from the dead during training camp, and you’ve got a recipe for success.

Adam and I are running theheadrush.com fantasy football league this year as well, so look for a link to that coming soon. Draft is this Sunday, and there’s definitely a purse involved.

Before the season starts, we’ll have our 2nd annual football predictions coming, too. This is a tradition that has been running long before this site, but now we have millions…. er thousands… ok, hundreds of readers to gaze at them and scoff.

That’s all for today, kids. Go do your homework.

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My Hate For Rex Ryan

January 12, 2011 Randy Neil

Well, my play off picks were wrong. Let’s just get that out of the way. The Seahawks upset the Saints as me and Adam ate tasty burgers and chicken sandwiches together. This is great though, because now I get to watch the Marshawn Lynch Sport Science special that’s not only awkward and weird, but also retarded. How did that man get through college?

Then of course, Rex Ryan somehow has his team pull through in the remaining minutes to win, and even though the Colts weren’t covering the spread, I’d still much rather watch Rex Ryan make excuses for why his team didn’t win the Superbowl then watch his face jiggle while running. Now I have to wait another week.

So the Panthers hire Ron Rivera. 1985 Chicago Bear Superbowl playing, 2006 Superbowl coaching, Ron Rivera. I’m no scientist, but that sounds like a formula for a Superbowl next year. Carolina bring it home. He’s also the very first Puerto Rican/Mexican player in the NFL (who said the MLB was behind the curve?) and the second NFL coach with that ethnicity.

And before all you Eagles fans start giving me shit for reppin’ the greatest expansion team of all time, Rivera also used to be the linebacker coach for the Eagles and is credited for basically creating the steroid that is Jeremiah Trotter.

Good for him.

I’m thinking at some point this weekend we’re gonna have this weeks predictions, and let me tell you, if the line for the NY Jets v. New England game could be Patriots -500, I would take it. My hate for Rex Ryan has grown stronger, and with these pussy ass “shit talking” fests that would make Nelly seem proud, I’m praying for a slow painful death for him. Seriously. Calling Brady a dork? Saying the game is personal between the coaches? Why can’t you just talk some shit??

How could you make a man that used to be the most hated coach in the NFL into the cool, calm, collected, almost charismatic good guy? Maybe charismatic was a stretch, but I always like the guy in a fight who’s calm and cool til he goes off on the shit talker. He has Tom Brady, you have Mark Sanchez. Sometimes being tough and dumb works, but not when your up against the arrogant nerd. Just get back in your Ford F-250 diesel with the dual stacks and tell me how much you like fishing. How many more conclusions can I draw from this??

I’d like to think that I admit things I don’t know. One of the things I don’t know, is the NBA. I like it… but I don’t know a thing about it. I was listening to ESPN today, and they seemed surprised that 5 technical fouls were handed out in a mere 10 seconds yesterday. I suppose if 5 players were sent to the box in hockey at once, that might raise a few eyebrows as well… but hey, it’s the NBA we’re talking about. Before I heard the entire story, I simply assumed that some player freaked out and started throwing punches at the opposing team, or maybe even the fans! Turns out the NBA is just a secret society of referees who do as they please, when they please.

And hockey people, I don’t want to even hear it, ok? We all saw the fans fight over the hockey stick Scott Niedermayer was trying to clearly hand to a little girl. That will forever stain the sport.

Aaaaaaand since I like to leave on a good note…