Tag Archive: terrelle pryor

After the Earthquake, Pryor to the Hurricane

August 26, 2011 Adam Thomas

Alright, bad headline I know.  But I couldn’t resist the easy pun.

1.) That earthquake may have been one of the lamest things in recent history.  I was driving back from getting my marriage license at the time and I didn’t even feel it.  From what I can surmise though, it wasn’t anything to write home about.  Let me put it this way, if the thin picture frame on my desk and an old Christmas card are still standing, that ain’t no earthquake.  That’s weak is what that is.

Remember the earthquake on Saved by the Bell when Zack got stuck in an elevator with Mrs. Belding and Torrie, the girl who had the frizzy hair and always wore a leather jacket or a dress with big ol’ shoulder pads? And then he actually delivered the baby on the elevator?  Holy crap Zack Morris was the man.

I always felt bad for that guy named Max who owned “The Max” and did magic.  He seemed to live a very uneventful life.  I can just picture him at home working on a magic trick in his apartment and thinking, “Man, Screech is gonna LOVE this” as his mom yells at him from the other room to do the dishes or something.

Come to think of it, a proprietor who lures high school kids to his restaurant to wow them with magic tricks doesn’t sound comedic at all, that sounds like the actions of a serial killer.

I remember once he cracked an egg on the table and it turned into a chicken.  He never topped that.

2.)The Raiders signed Terrelle Pryor in the supplemental draft and pundits were quick to crap all over the choice for some reason. Here is good old rotoworld with their assessment: “Pryor drew late fifth- to seventh-round grades from NFL scouts, so there is no question that this was a major reach.”

Settle down fellas.  Here’s the deal, they used a 3rd round pick on him. If he doesn’t pan out, it’s not the end of the world.  I’m also going to dip into the often used adage “If the Patriots or Eagles had selected him with a 3rd round pick, everyone would be calling it a genius move,” cause that is exactly what would’ve happened.  Instead of Todd McShay bitching about how stupid the Raiders are on ESPN, he would’ve been peeing himself with glee at Andy Reid’s stellar steal.

Also, people need to calm down about the Raiders not having 2nd, 3rd and 4th round picks in next year’s draft.  They just lost 2 pro bowl players.  One of those (Nnamdi) is going to net them a 3rd round pick (NFL hands out compensatory picks to teams who lose good free agents), Zach Miller will probably get them a 4th and maybe even Robert Gallery will get them a 7th.  So next year they are without a 2nd round pick.  They pretty much just cashed in their 3rd rounder for free because they knew they’d be getting it back.

Pryor was worth the risk.  It was a good gamble.

3.) If I were in a heavy metal band, we’d be called Doorknob. The name of our first album?  You guessed it: Safety.

4.) You know what game show they need to bring back?  Supermarket Sweep.  Holy crap that show was awesome!  “She’s filling the cart with butterball turkeys!  Ooooo, now she’s moving on to the coffee!  And look, she is CRAMMING the cart full of diapers!”

Those were the 3 big items to go after: butterball turkeys, coffee and diapers.

I thought of this the other day when I was grocery shopping with Stefanie and we got in line with a crap ton of food…BUT WE FORGOT THE CHARCOAL!  Gah!

So I had to sprint down the aisles as she waited in line to be checked out.  Oh man, talk about pressure.  That’s worse than being down 3 points and running a two minute drill in the Super Bowl. You have to get the charcoal before the people behind you start bitching because they’re waiting to check out and you’ve disappeared into the nether regions of the supermarket.

Luckily, it was down the 2nd aisle I searched.  Bam!  I even made it back before the checkout lady started scanning our items.

5.) Four way stops are the absolute worst.  Have you ever gotten to a four way stop with all the cars getting there at the EXACT same time and then everyone waves each other on so EVERYONE starts going at the same time and then everyone has to slam on their brakes and curse at each other?  Then repeat the process over and over again?

Four way stops suck.

Until next time…


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A Quick Dip in the Pool

August 24, 2011 Randy Neil

I gotta keep it short and sweet this time, kids. It’s been a busy week for yours truly, and although my passion and love for sports is stronger than ever, life has been beating me up and destroying my free time. Just to give you an idea, I’ve got 200 trinomial equations to simplify before Friday. Yippie.

It’s imperative I start off by saying, “How ’bout John Mayberry Jr.??” The kid is on fire. Usually when a guy gets limited at bats, like a pinch-hitter, they struggle seeing the ball well and don’t get enough practice to be worth-while. Mayberry Jr. has been filling in for our suspended Victorino and grazing Ibanez with stellar numbers. A joyous sign of things to come.

Football is on the way and I couldn’t be more ready. With school kicking my ass, I’ve signed up for 0 fantasy leagues, haven’t made ours, and spent no time researching all my secret sleepers (like Johnnie Lee Higgins.) Did you scoff at that? That’s what I mean. I have no idea what I’m talking about and probably didn’t even spell the kid’s name right. I promise to be more prepared next week.

Terrelle Pryor got signed by the Raiders this week. Welcome, Adam, to being a fan of a team that has signed an over-hyped quarterback. Although his team isn’t relying on this signing to perform right away (like my team, the Panthers n’ Cam Newton), there’s still plenty of scrutiny to come with this guy. I guess there was also that JaMarcus Russell guy, too.

Roger Goodell (the NFL commissioner and fine-nazi) allowed Terrelle Pryor to enter the supplemental draft in order to enter the NFL this year. Then, he “punished” Pryor for his college violations by suspending him for 5 games in the NFL regular season.

Let me say that again…. Roger Goodell suspended Terrelle Pryor for 5 games in the NFL for violations he committed in college.

How can that possibly be?? That’s like getting fired from a job for being late, getting a new job, and then being punished for being fired at your old job. That’s insane. Not only is it insane, it’s also the first time in NFL history that a player was punished before he ever took the field for an NFL team. It doesn’t matter whether you believe what Pryor did was right or wrong, it’s ludicrous.

Ah well, when it’s Cam Newton v. Terrelle Pryor in the Superbowl, I’ll have more opportunity to give Adam a hard time.

I wanna leave you guys with a video my friend put together last week. It’s dedicated to our most hated players in sports today. A montage of your favorite athletes to loathe. Enjoy, haters….


Magic Johnson is Shrek; Pryor Skips Senior Season

June 8, 2011 Randy Neil

Can you hear that chewing noise? That’s me, eating my words from last week. The Dallas/Heat series is tied up, and every game has been remarkably close. I’m still sticking to my guns in regards to the Heat winning the NBA Finals, but maybe this will carry to game 7 and actually be a good series. Sometimes I forget that David Stern cares about revenue, and more games = more ad revenue.

I can’t even break this series down very well because both teams are shooting poorly. It’s low scoring, smothering defense that’s taking the forefront of play, and the only people making the highlight reels are Dirk, Lebron, and Wade. I guess that’s how it should be. Bosh has been having some nasty slam dunks, but I imagine since he’s been flopping like a bitch so much, ESPN has chosen not to air his highlights. Not today Count Floppula. You guys like that? I made it up myself. :D

It’s funny to see celebrities Tweet out to each other. I guess I’m using ‘celebrity’ loosely, because I’m referring to Stuart Scott and Spencer Hawes. Both of them were Tweeting to Jason Terry last night during the game. Everyone was criticizing Terry’s poor play in the first 3 games of the finals, and since he decided to show up last night, his celeb friends decided to congratulate him. “That’s nasty!! @jasonterry31” Indeed it is, Mr. Stuart.

My favorite Tweets :

WatchJ J-Breezy The Poet
Hands down… Jason Terry is the best 3rd grader to ever play in the NBA
jose3030 jose3030
Jason Terry, on his post game presser, will attempt to enunciate every word in the Webster’s Dictionary

Mmmm… good stuff. Can I also add that Magic Johnson is my least favorite NBA analyst of all time? Aside from demanding to be introduced as “Future Hall of Famer, Legendary Player, 5-time NBA Champion, 3-time MVP, 12-time NBA All-Star, Shrek Looking, Magic Johnson” literally every time he is addressed, he interrupts better analysts with terribly repetitive speeches that soak up too much air time, and make us all less intelligent. We get it Magic. You were a great player, but you suck as an analyst and mentor.

You can’t interrupt your fellow co-hosts and say something like, “Lebron has to play his game. He can’t worry about what Wade’s doing, or what Bosh is doing, he’s got to focus on being the dominate Lebron James.” For fuck’s sake Magic. How is he not supposed to worry about what Wade is doing when they are still having a power struggle for the closer in games? You have two superstar-caliber players in almost the exact same role trying to win a game. Then, when Lebron opts to be more of a facilitator and handle assists, his points stat is obviously hurt, and you give him shit. There needs to be a quiz for former athletes to take before they are given a microphone.

Along with Jim Tressel, Terrelle Pryor is continuing to make headlines for OSU with his announcement of plans to skip his senior season. Scandal abound, Pryor was already set to miss the first 5 games of the season as punishment for “receiving benefits” that violate NCAA rules. Now the kid has to wait for the 2012 NFL Draft without playing ball on the national level. Well, that’s not entirely true. People have already suggested he could play in the Canadian Football League for a season. Yea, that sounds like a great idea….

This is a pretty big deal though. This whole scandal with Tressel and Pryor, it’s making headlines. At first, I thought it was ridiculous that their was so much shame involved in something that everyone was guilty of. Clearly, OSU is being made an example, and some people are going to have to suffer because of it. On the other hand, maybe this is what the national press and the NCAA need to start to change their ideals about college players. Hopefully, this can be a catalyst for the NCAA to change their regulations on the matter and start treating this system a little more realistically. There is too much fame and credit given to a young athlete that’s not being paid.

Also… to the fellow teammates of Pryor who are ratting him out for the incentives he received…. Ya’ll some snitches. That is all.