After the Earthquake, Pryor to the Hurricane
Alright, bad headline I know. But I couldn’t resist the easy pun.
1.) That earthquake may have been one of the lamest things in recent history. I was driving back from getting my marriage license at the time and I didn’t even feel it. From what I can surmise though, it wasn’t anything to write home about. Let me put it this way, if the thin picture frame on my desk and an old Christmas card are still standing, that ain’t no earthquake. That’s weak is what that is.
Remember the earthquake on Saved by the Bell when Zack got stuck in an elevator with Mrs. Belding and Torrie, the girl who had the frizzy hair and always wore a leather jacket or a dress with big ol’ shoulder pads? And then he actually delivered the baby on the elevator? Holy crap Zack Morris was the man.
I always felt bad for that guy named Max who owned “The Max” and did magic. He seemed to live a very uneventful life. I can just picture him at home working on a magic trick in his apartment and thinking, “Man, Screech is gonna LOVE this” as his mom yells at him from the other room to do the dishes or something.
Come to think of it, a proprietor who lures high school kids to his restaurant to wow them with magic tricks doesn’t sound comedic at all, that sounds like the actions of a serial killer.
I remember once he cracked an egg on the table and it turned into a chicken. He never topped that.
2.)The Raiders signed Terrelle Pryor in the supplemental draft and pundits were quick to crap all over the choice for some reason. Here is good old rotoworld with their assessment: “Pryor drew late fifth- to seventh-round grades from NFL scouts, so there is no question that this was a major reach.”
Settle down fellas. Here’s the deal, they used a 3rd round pick on him. If he doesn’t pan out, it’s not the end of the world. I’m also going to dip into the often used adage “If the Patriots or Eagles had selected him with a 3rd round pick, everyone would be calling it a genius move,” cause that is exactly what would’ve happened. Instead of Todd McShay bitching about how stupid the Raiders are on ESPN, he would’ve been peeing himself with glee at Andy Reid’s stellar steal. 
Also, people need to calm down about the Raiders not having 2nd, 3rd and 4th round picks in next year’s draft. They just lost 2 pro bowl players. One of those (Nnamdi) is going to net them a 3rd round pick (NFL hands out compensatory picks to teams who lose good free agents), Zach Miller will probably get them a 4th and maybe even Robert Gallery will get them a 7th. So next year they are without a 2nd round pick. They pretty much just cashed in their 3rd rounder for free because they knew they’d be getting it back.
Pryor was worth the risk. It was a good gamble.
3.) If I were in a heavy metal band, we’d be called Doorknob. The name of our first album? You guessed it: Safety.
4.) You know what game show they need to bring back? Supermarket Sweep. Holy crap that show was awesome! “She’s filling the cart with butterball turkeys! Ooooo, now she’s moving on to the coffee! And look, she is CRAMMING the cart full of diapers!”
Those were the 3 big items to go after: butterball turkeys, coffee and diapers.
I thought of this the other day when I was grocery shopping with Stefanie and we got in line with a crap ton of food…BUT WE FORGOT THE CHARCOAL! Gah!
So I had to sprint down the aisles as she waited in line to be checked out. Oh man, talk about pressure. That’s worse than being down 3 points and running a two minute drill in the Super Bowl. You have to get the charcoal before the people behind you start bitching because they’re waiting to check out and you’ve disappeared into the nether regions of the supermarket.
Luckily, it was down the 2nd aisle I searched. Bam! I even made it back before the checkout lady started scanning our items.
5.) Four way stops are the absolute worst. Have you ever gotten to a four way stop with all the cars getting there at the EXACT same time and then everyone waves each other on so EVERYONE starts going at the same time and then everyone has to slam on their brakes and curse at each other? Then repeat the process over and over again?
Four way stops suck.
Until next time…
