Tag Archive: sean payton

I Would Walk 900 Miles

March 23, 2012 Adam Thomas

1.) Somebody needs to put an end to that Taco Bell commercial where the teenager kidnaps 4 of his friends and drives 900 miles to a Taco Bell. 900 Miles! That is the most ridiculous thing that I have ever seen. I don’t know anybody who would drive 9 miles to a Taco Bell.

As NT put it when I ran this joke past him, “Why didn’t they just drive to Mexico and get some real tacos?” Indeed.

Plus, as NT also pointed out, how many Taco Bell’s did they pass in that 900 mile stretch?  I can see them coming up to one of the blue highway signs that lists all the restaurants:

Grant: “Uh, Derrick, didn’t we just pass a Taco Bell?”


2.) I was watching “Into the Blue” on Saturday (don’t ask, I was sick all day and in a Benadryl induced coma), but something happened in that movie and it really gets on my nerves.

So they find this buried treasure under the sea, and all 4 characters are out to eat dinner (it is totally light out), and Paul Walker’s character starts in on a speech about the treasure saying, “The treasure belonged to this French Pirate” and Scott Caan’s character says, “Well, dude, who was this French pirate exactly?”  Which leads to Walker and Alba launching into a history lesson about the pirate and his ship.

But here’s the thing: Walker starts talking at dinner, then they cut to a scene where he is talking at a campfire.  It’s completely dark and they have moved locations, but he is finishing the exact same sentence that he started during dinner.

So what happened in the meantime? Did he just get distracted, stop his story for 3 hours and then pick it up again at a later time?  Or was he like, “So the pirates name is Dan and he…hold on, let me wait till we get to the campfire to continue this sentence.”  It happens in “Field of Dreams” too when Ray is talking to his daughter about Shoeless Joe Jackson. I would be very irritated if somebody was telling me a story, stopped completely, and then picked it up 3 hours later as if nothing had happened in the meantime.

3.) I saw the trailer for Ridley Scott’s “Prometheus” and it looks awesome, but something happened in the middle of the trailer that made me burst out laughing. It’s a science fiction movie and these two people are outside of the space ship investigating something, and then Stringer Bell from the Wire pops up and says “Whatever that probe’s picking up, it’s reading life form” only he says it in a RIDICULOUS Texas accent.  High comedy.  I don’t know what Idris Elba was thinking, but I haven’t heard a southern accent that bad since Nic Cage in Con Air.

“Put da bunny…back in da box.”

4.) Nothing is more embarrassing than having a Headrush Tournament pick em Yahoo League and losing to your wife…that’s why I’m trying to hide that fact in item 4. Cause you all skip over item 4, right? Stefanie is currently tied for first place with NT (Though she has more possible points remaining), Randy sitting in a respectable 3rd, and I’m in 5th. Still a lot of basketball to be played, though, but I’m pretty sure we all (Me, NT, Stef and Randy) have Kentucky winning it.

5.) The Saints deserved what they got. Why all the whining? I mean look, I’m sure other teams had bounty programs in place, BUT the NFL was investigating the Saints and the Saints lied to them about the whole program existing. Think about that.

If you were doing something at work, your boss told you to stop, you didn’t stop but lied to them and told them that you did, and then they found out you lied…You’d be screwed!  That’s why I have no sympathy for the Saints.

6.) Speaking of, that text message that Jeremy Shockey posted is the weirdest thing that I have ever seen take place between a coach and a player. I don’t even think I need to add anything so I will let the message speak for itself:

Is this real life?  There is no way that is really Sean Payton sending those texts. Why in the world would he have “hug!!!!!!” at the top of the conversation? Peculiar.

7.) One more thing: Drew Brees, I think you need to sit the next few rounds out. After the punishment came down, he got on twitter and said, “I am speechless. Sean Payton is a great man, coach, mentor and a phenomenal hugger (ed. note: I may have added this part). The best there is. I need to hear an explanation for this punishment.”

Um, Drew, I have nothing to do with the NFL and even I was able to hear an explanation for the punishment. Just go on ANY NFL RELATED WEBSITE THERE IS, and you will be able to find the reasons behind the punishments. I used to like Brees, but after this off season and all the contract stuff, he seems like a prick.

8.) I’m not too concerned with Peyton coming to the AFC West for a few reasons: a.) The Raiders are in rebuilding mode and I’m not expecting them to win the division next year.

b.) If you hit Peyton in exactly the right spot, it’s going to be like a scene straight outta Mutant League Football with Bones Jackson sending his head spinning into outer space. Seriously, the man has had four neck surgeries. He really shouldn’t be playing football.

c.) He looks old as dirt. The Broncos will probably get one good season out of him, but I doubt they’ll get two.

d.) Tebow is gone, which makes me happy.

That’s all I got.  Till next time….


To the Pain!

March 9, 2012 Adam Thomas

1.) About a month ago, maybe more, my cousin Bryan suggested that I check out a show called “Full Metal Jousting.” Now, at the time, I was in the middle of moving into a new house and didn’t really have the time to check it out.  This week, however, I had the time and let me tell you something: Full Metal Jousting is AWESOME!

The unintentional comedy runs high and the production value looks like it is through the roof. These guys don’t put on armor like you’re use to seeing in museums, they put on armor that makes them look like freaking Iron Man.

Did I mention the unintentional comedy? Here are just a few “quotes” from the show (I put quotes in quotes because I didn’t write them down when I was watching, so this is mostly from memory.)

Jouster named Mike says in episode one: “Everyone told me I was crazy, they said that I didn’t have good enough insurance to be doing this.” Yeah, I may be wrong, but I’m pretty sure that All-State doesn’t carry a Jousting plan.

After winning the first joust of the season (against Mike, who it should be noted is a United States Marine vet), jouster Joshua had this to say: “Jousting felt incredible. It’s just such a rush, like knocking somebody out or seeing your child born.”  Such sweet sentiment.

It also needs to be said that the jousting that takes place on the show is pretty darn badass. I mean, these guys get JACKED UP when they take a shot and fall off their horse. One guy gets hit in the face (IN THE FAAAACCCEEEEE!) with a lance, had blood all over his face, went to the ER and got staples put in his head and then came back announcing “I’m out for at least a week.”  Tough.

Another great aspect is that on the one hand you have these HUGE ex-marines who are jousting against guys who are philosophy majors and work at “Medieval Times.” It’s the classic case of “nerd” vs. “meat head” only in this competition, the nerds are at a distinct advantage cause they are used to riding horses and “jousting.” And they also have red hair, which seems to be a necessity in order to be good at jousting for some odd reason.

It is really easy to mock the show and the participants, but in all sincerity, what they are doing takes a lot of guts (or at least, a mid-life crisis). I would never, ever, EVER go anywhere near a joust, but I absolutely love watching it on TV.  Full Metal Jousting, I salute you.

2.) Has Adrien Brody officially transformed himself into “V” from “V for Vendetta?” Also that commercial with him and Andre 3000 and that other guy just makes me really sad for what has become of Mr. 3000. Sure he can still put down sweet verses on other people’s tracks, but he recently said that he doesn’t foresee another Outkast album anytime soon and that is terrible. Outkast can’t go out with the terrible “Idlewild” as their last album, can they?

Also, how come in that commercial, the three guys nod and say “What’s up?” to a group of three girls, and the girls just smirk and keep on walking. I don’t understand, these three guys are supposed to look cool, but they can’t even reign in these ladies. What gives?

3.) Bounty Gate! Bounty Gate!

My prediction is the league suspends Greg Williams for a year and fines him $500,000, suspends Sean Payton for 4 games and fines him $250,000, suspends all the players involved at least 4 games and gives them various fines, takes the Saints first round and second round picks, and fines them $1,000,000.

If the Raiders had been involved in Bounty Gate (and there is a chance that their new coach was, but I mean if it had been the Raiders paying to take people out), Goodell would summon Mark Davis to his office, and chop off one of his hands.

4.) I know I’ve been talking about Cena/Rock a lot lately, but I just have to get this off my chest. Last Monday, John Cena cut such a terrible promo that it has to be mentioned. Basically, here was the gist of what he said (in an empty arena with a very, VERY serious face): “I’m a big Boston sports fan and there is one thing that no Boston sports fan will ever forget. And that’s when the Patriots went undefeated but lost in the Super Bowl. But you know what the Patriots going 18-1 taught me, it’s that nobody remembers second place.”  Ummmm, hows that again? Nobody remembers second place except for EVERYBODY REMEMBERING that the Patriots came in second place? My brain hurts. John Cena, you’re an idiot.

5.) So, you know how I always talk trash on things and then end up liking them? Well, that happened to me in a big way this week. I was in the car listening to 88.5 and I heard a Bon Iver song for the first time ever. I listened and was like, “This is crap, what’s the big deal? What an overrated piece of garbage.”

Then, when I got home, I couldn’t get that darn “I was not…MAGNIFICENT” line out of my head. So I went on iTunes and listened to it…and then listened to it again…and then the next morning I bought the album.

That’s just how I roll.

Anyway, that’s all I got.  I’ll see you at the list!