Tag Archive: ryan howard underrated

Don’t Tug on Superman’s Cape

September 4, 2011 Adam Thomas

1.) Grantland, it’s bad enough that all you turned out to be is a massive disappointment, churning out articles that read like a “try to write like Bill Simmons” contest, but now you’re going after the Phillies, and more specifically, Ryan Howard. In his article “Father Time and the Philadelphia Phillies,” Rany Jazayerli takes on the Phillies and how they are old and won’t be good in the not so distant future. A few points about this article:

He writes: “We’re almost halfway through this column and I haven’t mentioned a hitter yet. There’s a reason for that — the Phillies’ offense isn’t particularly good. After finishing first or second in the NL in runs scored every year from 2005 to 2010, the Phillies have dropped to sixth this season.”

First of all, sixth is not all that bad, especially not when you have top pitching.  But it should be noted that while the Phillies are sixth for the season, they are the second highest scoring offense since Chase Utley returned. Before Utley returned, they were 12th in the NL.  They are now 6th.  That is a pretty significant jump, and since they acquired Hunter Pence, they have been the best offensive team in the NL. (Thanks to the goodphight.com for the stats).

Does the author mention this?  Nope.  He just says that the offense is bad.

On Ryan Howard, Rany says that he is “Clearly past his prime.” Which is funny because he posted this the day after Howard hit 2 HRs and reached another 30 HR, 100 RBI season.

Here is what really pissed me off about this article, he mentions how the Atlanta Braves have two stud rookies this year, and they had Jason Heyward last year who, “had one of the best seasons by a 20-year-old hitter in decades.”

But that’s it for Heyward, he had a good season LAST year. Why doesn’t Rany bring up the fact that this year, Heyward is TERRIBLE. Here are his stats: .220, 13 HR, 39 RBIs, 43 R, 6 SB.  Holy shit!  Watch out Philly!

Now, am I saying that Heyward is going to suck like this forever?  No.  Maybe he is just having a down year.  But to bring up a guy who had a good year last year and then not mention that he is horrible this year is bad writing. You can’t use that to strengthen your argument, especially while shitting all over Ryan Howard in the process.

You want a Ryan Howard stat?  Here’s one: most RBI’s through 1000 games in MLB history 1.) Ted Williams 2.) RYAN HOWARD 3.) Babe Ruth.   Most HR through 1000 games: 1.) RYAN HOWARD 2.) Ralph Kiner 3.) Babe Ruth.

I’m sure mad that the Phillies have that guy on their team for the next five years…

Also, if the Phillies mortgaged their future to win it all this year, and they actually win the World Series, who gives a shit?  You think the Giants would trade in their World Series last year just to be competitive for the next 5 years?  Cause I don’t.

2.) I read an article in Sports Illustrated about the Brewers and here are some highlights.  Nyjer Morgan walks around the clubhouse covered in baby oil, they play naked golf in the clubhouse and they growl at each other like the monsters in Monsters Inc. after they get hits.  If I were the Phillies I would be peeing myself in fear.

3.) Of all the WWE Attitude Era catch phrases, one that doesn’t get enough love is “Welcome to…RAW…IS…JERICHO!” Another thing about the Attitude Era that I feel gets forgotten is just how terrible HHH was.  He literally married the boss’s daughter and then inserted himself into the main events.  I always remember thinking, “Get out of here HHH!”  You’re getting in the way of The Rock vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin!

That’s it.  I’m in the final week of wedding planning and am incredibly tired. This is my last column for 2 weeks as I go off and tour Costa Rica. So Randy and a NEW writer (I’m not gonna spoil the surprise) will handle things.

Thanks for reading and I’ll see you all with the NFL picks later in the week!

1 Comment

You Know WhattiMean?

July 29, 2011 Adam Thomas

1.) Did you know that all of the Ernest movies up until Ernest Rides Again grossed over 25 MILLION dollars in theaters?  Holy crap that is insane.  I know it doesn’t seem like much, but if you factor in that tickets were so much cheaper back then, Dats a LOT of Dimp. Why am I bringing this up?  Because a few posts back, I mentioned that I went to Best Buy and passed up on a 3 for 1 Ernest DVD, Castaway, and Jerry Maguire.  Well…that mistake was rectified last Friday as I not only purchased those but the Best of Chris Jericho dvd as well.  BOOM!

2.) So I know you’re wondering, what do I think is the greatest Ernest movie of all time?  Well, it’s a tough list to make, no doubt, but I am going to try to figure it out right now:

9-6: Ernest in the Army, Ernest goes to Africa, Ernest goes to School, Ernest Rides Again.  In no particular order.  I mean, Ernest goes to freaking Africa?  Are you kidding me?  You know how hot denim is in the Sahara?  I also like how he just goes to the entire continent.  Not one specific location, just AFRICA!

5: Slam Dunk Ernest.  Bonus points to this one for having talking shoes and the one, the only Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (get your hand out my cookie jar!)

4: Ernest Saves Christmas.  Underrated?  Perhaps.  Sure I love Ernest the cabbie (his cab number is 69…snicker…), but those elves are freaking creepy looking!  Bonus points for the part where they barge into Verne’s house and destroy it. Holiday cheer, know whattimean? But yeah, the supporting actors are just horrid, especially that orphan girl and the old deranged Santa Claus.

3: Ernest goes to Jail. Ernest P. Worrell: Electroman!  I love the movie, love the soap gun, love when Ernest (or his alter ego: NASH!) puts the weights over the guy’s balls (the guy’s name is Eddie, and I actually remembered that off the top of my head for some reason) in the dark prison weightroom. The highlight of this film?  No, not when Ernest shoots electrodes from his fingers, but when he is chewing on the pen in the courtroom and it breaks and he gets ink all over himself.  He tries to clean it up with some notebook paper and then has to eat that for some reason.  Comic GOLD!

2: Ernest Scared Stupid. How bout a bumper sandwich, Boogerlips?  Oh classic.  Classic, classic, CLASSIC! Come on, Ernest sets up a Troll Motel made up of card board, there is the crazy lady with rusty bear traps in her front yard, the awesome scene where the kids put milk into super soakers (which I tried once…and broke my super soaker), and of course, we learned the ultimate lesson in the funniest Ernest non-sequitur of all time: Ain’t no trees in Botswana!  Nu-Uh!  I know, I’m a Botswanian lumberjack and I ain’t never had a job!

1: Ernest Goes to Camp.  The first, and still the best.  All those bad kids from Juvi that Ernest helps (Moose!), the turtle scene at the end which inexplicably has two turtles talking to each other (I’m scared, Sarge! We’re all scared, Sarge!), Ernest teaching all his child viewers the worst lesson in history when he walks towards a dude with a deer rifle who is shooting at him and thanks to some crazy Indian Juju he doesn’t get shot (hey, kids!  Try this at home!  Walk towards a rifle and it won’t hit you!), and who can forget that Ernest sings!  Gee I’m glad it’s raining, cause no-one sees your tear drops…WHEN IT POURS!  Gah, the humanity.  I’m crying a little bit just thinking about that song.

Anyway, that’s my list and I’m sticking to it.

3.) I’m going to put some stats side by side.  Tell me whatcha think:

Player 1: .246 avergae, 20 HR, 77 RBI, 54 Runs, 1 sb

Player 2: .286 average, 23 HR, 74 RBI, 58 Runs

Player 1 is the Phillies own Ryan Howard.  Player 2 is Prince Fielder.  Why am I putting this up here?  Because their stats are virtually identically (obviously, Fielder hits for better average), but whenever people talk about the top five first basemen in baseball, Fielders’ name comes up but Howard’s doesn’t.  WHY?  It drives me absolutely nuts.  Everyone in Philly shits all over Howard and all he does is consistently stay near the top of the NL in RBIs and HRs (I can hear the chorus now “and strikeouts.”)  Oh, and his team has won a world series, won a championship game and lost in the championship game the past 3 years.  No biggie.

Philly fans: appreciate what you have.

Oh, and since some female reader of ours (I’m looking at you Braves Fan), went on a rant about me being sexist towards Hope Solo, how about we talk about how damned cute Ryan Howard is?  The man is ADORABLE! A big cuddly teddy bear.

4.) Dave Chappelle went on stage recently and told one joke and then remained silent for 45 minutes cause he saw someone in the crowd taking a video of his performance.  Could it be possible that Chappelle is just an asshole? Look, I can understand taking $50 million from a TV company because you peaked and you’d never be close to replicating the hilarity of your previous work.  That I can understand.  But don’t be a dick to your fans. You CHOSE to be a celebrity and to be on TV.  You can’t bitch and moan now that you don’t like what celebrity entails.

Translation: Check nuts and write some new jokes.

5.) The Nnamdi sweepstakes are just about up, and you know where I think he goes?  The Ravens! (an earlier edition of this had “The Jets” but that’s like predicting that the sun will rise tomorrow aka it’s no fun to guess that!)  Would I like him to stay with the Raiders?  Sure.  But look, they went 2-14 when he had arguably his best season.  How much impact can he really have on a game?  In any case, good luck wherever you go, Nnamdi.  You will be missed.

Until next time…