Tag Archive: phillies

McNabb Frolics in the Ocean

May 17, 2012 Adam Thomas

You know, it gets kind of hard to write these posts sometimes. There’s only so much to talk about on a weekly basis.  And I’m lazy.

But every once in awhile, a video comes along that changes EVERYTHING!  This week, that video came as I was listening to Dave Dameshek’s superb NFL.com podcast (for those of you who have never heard Dameshek, do yourself a favor and give him a listen. High comedy).

If you haven’t seen the video, just follow this link. (Again, too lazy to imbed but maybe Randy will after I post this).

The highlights of this video include: A.) Some guy running at McNabb with a freaking broom stick raised really high over his head as McNabb attempts to pass the ball.

B.) Fat Donovan McNabb standing in the ocean throwing a football to…well…who knows. Maybe a mermaid, maybe a dolphin, maybe to nobody at all.

I’m going to go ahead and say that this video of Fat McNabb frolicking in the waves will not get him signed by a team.

As Dameshek put it, “Donovan McNabb, now he’s out of a job. In fact, I saw him, now he’s trying to get back into the NFL by losing weight and doing a bunch of cockamamie drills, standing in the ocean like he’s Daniel-son being taught by Mr. Miyagi. Or a football version of that. STANDING IN THE OCEAN GETTING HIT BY WAVES? Donovan McNabb, ugh.”

2.) Randy, stop posting about teams the day that they play. You always jinx them. Stop it.

3.) Can you imagine how the obnoxious the Celtics must be in every other aspect of their lives? My goodness. Watching them is worse than the Heat. Every time Paul Pierce drives into the lane, he literally SCREAMS: “AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!” his whole way to the hoop. It draws a whistle every time. That’s not the act of an NBA superstar, that’s the act of a drunk hobo chasing down a shopping cart with a busted wheel full of aluminum cans.

4.) Somebody needs to tell “Coach Spo” and the Lakers coach Mike Brown that they have Lebron James and Kobe Bryant on their teams. With the Heat down 3, who did Spo draw up a play for? Not Wade. Not Lebron. But some scrub from Kansas! (Mario Chalmers).

But Brown topped him. Instead of having Kobe Bryant take the game winning shot, he drew up a play for….STEVE BLAKE! The poor man’s (or white trash version) of JJ Reddick.

5.) Good on ya Hector Luna! Man, what an exciting Phillies season, amiright? It’s been a rough start, but they’ve won 4 in a row (I think), and are only 1.5 games back of the wildcard. How is that possible?  HOW!

As Gandalf would say, “There was never much hope, only a fools hope. Now go make me some sammiches.”

6.) House Hunters was in Wilmington, Delaware last night!  Crazy!  It’s always fun seeing places that you know on TV. When they went to Costa Rica, my brain almost exploded when I saw the horse that tried to kill me.

On that note….until next time!


Don’t Trust the Property Brothers

May 4, 2012 Adam Thomas

The title says it all: Do not trust these two sneaky Canadian magicians.  Let’s back up first. I think that it’s been chronicled here many times my love of HGTV.  I know this is a weird way to start off a “sports” blog, but I’ve been meaning to write about these two for quite some time. See, every Saturday morning, I have my 4 cups of coffee, have my bagels, and turn on HGTV to watch the “Property Brothers” show. And you know what I’ve decided?  I would not hire these guys.  Don’t get me wrong, they do good work, BUT they also do some pretty shady stuff such as:

1.) They start off the show, by taking the couple who they are working for to see a house that is almost always about $300,000 out of their price range.  So we at home get the joy of watching this couple fall in love with a place that could be their future dream home, only to watch that dream get CRUSHED when the brothers gleefully tell them, “Yeah…you can’t afford it.”

2.) They hit on the wife. Always. Without fail.

3.) They try to make the guy look like a chump in front of the wife. For example, they get the family to buy a crappy house (and by “crappy” we’re still talking about $400,000 homes here people), then they start the demolition process by handing the wife the sledge hammer and saying something like, “Have the first swing!” She does, they praise her.

Then they hand the hammer to the guy and no matter what he does, they say something like, “Oh man, that was weak. I think you better let your wife do the heavy lifting.”

4.) They set aside a “budget” to fix up the property but they always, ALWAYS, find something horribly wrong with the house that cuts the budget in half.  “Oops, sorry about this guys, but your house doesn’t have a roof.  But, that’s why we have the contingency money!”

5.) They played in the NBA all star celebrity basketball game…this is kind of a non sequitur, but I found it kind of funny.

6.) One of them–or possibly both–is a magician.  You know who else is a magician?  Mystery.  I don’t trust magicians.

Ok, well then, with that all out of the way, let’s get to some other topics:

1.) The best part of Jered Weaver’s no-hitter was when he was one out away from the no-hitter, they cut to the stands and show his parents, and his dad is just straight chillen, sipping on a beer like nothing out of the ordinary is happening. Talk about nerves of steel. It was also funny that he dashed to the bathroom and peed before the 9th inning, which is a supposed superstition of some kind. All I can say is that the urinal availability in professional baseball is perhaps the most appealing aspect of the sport. Remember when Joe Pa had to pee and he had to like sprint across the field to get back to the locker room in time before he peed his pants?  That must’ve been agony. Just put some urinals on the sideline and have Boomer and TJ do the halftime show behind them. “Teej…you know what they say. The Packers…hey…they don’t make em like the used to. We’ll be back with the blitz….after this.”

2.) So I went to bed on Wednesday with the Phillies up 4-0 on the Braves and Halladay on the mound and thought, “This game is over.” Cut to waking up in the morning and seeing the Braves won 15-13. Holy crap, Halladay got SHELLED! But still, Phillies took the series so no biggie.

3.) There is a music video out featuring Wooderson from Dazed and Confused. It is basically the scene where he walks into the Emporium flanked by Randall Pink Floyd and Mitch Kramer with Bob Dylan blaring through the stereo.  Well, the song for the video he was in is not very good. Rather disappointing, but it does have Wooderson playing the trumpet. Which, admittedly, is hilarious.

Alright alright alright.

That’s it for me.  I’m driving into Houston to pick up those Aerosmith tickets in the morning.


Pitbull, Draft and Girls

April 27, 2012 Adam Thomas

1.) My favorite commercial on TV right now has to be the Bud Light commercial with Pitbull where he takes a Bud Light from the waitress says, “Daddy!” Or something like that and then strolls through a room filled with people 8 feet taller than him. He looks so damn tiny in that commercial, and while he is trying to look tough, it seems like he would need a step stool to look over the bar.

2.) That show “Girls” on HBO is incredibly, mind-blowingly awful. I watched it because it is produced my Judd Apatow and it got really great reviews, but man alive, it sucks. I can’t even remember a single character’s name, and the main girl is annoying as all get out. The show reminds me of a Radiohead album. Before it comes out, it already gets 4 stars from the critics no matter how average it is.

Just because a show is set in New York and is on HBO doesn’t mean that it’s automatically good. Don’t waste your 30 minutes on that show.

3.) Instead, waste it on the excellent third season of Eastbound and Down. Holy crap, I just watched the fourth episode and it featured perhaps the funniest moment in television. I don’t want to spoil it for everyone (like I did in a text to Randy yesterday), but it is a breakout episode for Stevie, and (mini-spoiler!) the hilarious moment in question features Candlebox. Enough said.

4.) The NFL Draft started last night, and because megalomaniac Hue Jackson decided to go “all in” with Carson Palmer (which never works), the Raiders were left without a first round pick. Which sucks, cause the draft is AWESOME! And boy oh boy were there trades galore yesterday.

My favorite pick? Morris Claiborne to the Dallas Cowboys!  You know why?  Cause Claiborne only got 4 questions correct on the Wonderlic test,  and here is his rationale via Profootballtalk via Sirius via USA Today: “That test don’t tell me who I am and what [type] of guy I am and what kind of ability I have,” Claiborne told SiriusXM NFL Radio, via USA Today.  “That test can’t drop me. They say it’s an IQ test,” Claiborne added.  “I came to the Combine for football.  I looked at the test, and wasn’t any questions about football.  I didn’t see no point in the test.  I’m not in school anymore.  I didn’t complete it.  I only finished 15 or 18 questions.”

And they say athletes don’t care about their education!  I would be really interested to see what classes Claiborne took whilst at LSU. “Basic Shapes” and “The Number After 2” sounds about right.

5.) The worst pick?  Let’s just go with Bruce Irvin to the Seahawks.

Oh no, wait, let’s go with the Browns selecting a Quarterback who has never played in the NFL and is already older than Aaron Rodgers. That’s why the Browns will always be the Browns.

I also love the ESPN draft analysis. This morning on Sportscenter, here is what Jon Gruden said about Quarterback Ryan Tannehill: “You know what I love about this kid? It’s that he can throw the football.”  Well, I would HOPE that he can throw the ball. That is just a tiny requirement made of all quarterbacks. Gruden just made $100,000 dollars for saying that.

6.) Ron Artest should be banned for life from the NBA. What a moron. I know that when I’m celebrating, my first instinct is to elbow the crap out of the player closest to me.

7.) Remember that song, “If you’re friends with P then you’re friends with me. If you’re down with P then you’re down with me.”  I don’t have anything to add other than, do you remember it?

8.) I’ve gotta say Phillies fans, being only 3 games back from Atlanta for the wildcard when the Phils are playing arguably their worst baseball in the past 4 years is not a bad thing. Be worried NL East, be very worried…

That’s all for me, until next time!


Phillies/Cardinals Pre-Game Thread

October 7, 2011 Randy Neil

I’m not great at championship speeches, but I think something needs to be said. It’s Game 5 of the NLDS tonight, and the thought of the Phillies not advancing to the Championship Series has me worried.

The Cardinals are hot. They basically had an impeccable September to surpass the Braves in the wildcard, and now they are carrying a heavy momentum into the playoffs.

Tied 2-2, our boys will try to fend off the daunting weight that comes with having a huge target on your back. We look vulnerable. It’s easy to say we assembled the “Miami Heat” of pitchers, and now everyone can’t wait to relish in the sight of a collapse.

Tonight’s the night our bats have to carry us out of this. Ryan Howard, the most criticized of all Phillies, was almost non-existent in St. Louis. Since hitting the 3-run homerun in Game 1, he’s been 1-13. People think that’s reason to start jumping down his throat. I, however, look at that 3-run homerun.

I’m looking for the big man to pull through tonight. Say what you want, but he led our team with 33 homers and 116 RBIs. No one is even close to that. The next highest is Ibanez (which is crazy if you think about his April-May numbers) with 84. You’d be crazy to think we should get rid of Howard.

There isn’t a man I could think of better on the mound than Roy Halladay. Going against long time friend Chris Carpenter makes for an epic story. Carpenter had a lot of troubles against the Phillies last time. I doubt it will be anywhere near that degree, but I also would like to think that we have his number.

It’s do or die tonight, folks. Charlie Manuel needs to make all the right moves and push all of the right buttons.

To get you hyped, I have compiled some of the best Charlie Manual vids over his tenure in Philadelphia. GET LOUD PHILLY!!!

I couldn’t get this embedded, but it’s the angriest I’ve ever seen Charlie Manual…

Charlie Manual threatens to fight writer.

Game starts at 8:05PM ET.


Zanny the Nanny and Manny

July 8, 2011 Adam Thomas

1.) Man, glad that trial is over!  Just kidding, to be honest, I didn’t even know what trial everyone was talking about.  I logged onto Facebook, saw a bunch of people pissed off about some verdict, screaming things like: “How could they! I’m STUNNED!”  “First OJ and now THIS!” And I was instantly curious.  I went over to Yahoo, saw some crazy lady smiling in a courtroom and deduced that this was what all the hub-bub was about.

I wanted to learn more, so I read a few articles about this circus, and you know what the craziest part about it all was?  The lady accused of killing her child made up some story about how a nanny stole her.  And you know what the fictional nanny’s name was?  ZANNY!  That’s right, the best fake name she could come up with was Zanny the Nanny.  Which instantly reminded me of Crentist the Dentist from that episode of The Office.

Zanny the Nanny. Good God.  I think Sherlock Holmes would’ve smacked her over the head with his bubble pipe right then and there.

2.) Moving on to…MANNY!  My cat Manny (who is not the cat pictured to the right) tried to escape our apartment this morning.  I was saying bye to my fiance as she left for work, and I had coffee in one hand so as he made his escape, I couldn’t just reach down and pick him up. When he got about half way out the door, my only reaction was to close it.  So I did, only he was still halfway out the door and I slammed it on him. No, it didn’t close all the way, it just whacked him in the side, but still, I feel really bad about it.  So I’m sorry, Manny.  If we ever get internet again at our apartment or you somehow learn to read, I know that you will appreciate this apology.

3.) I got a bunch of X-Files DVDs from the library and not only is that show AWESOME but it also might be the worst show in the history of the world to eat food to. Case in point: I started watching an episode last night, sitting down to a nice overcooked chicken taco dinner, and guess what happened in the first 2 minutes?  A couple is making out in their car, when the dude pukes up some green goop into the gals mouth and then spreads this ooze all over her body, turning her into a cocoon.  Ick.  Later, while performing the autopsy, Scully sticks her in the freezer and her body just turns to this red jello-ish liquid.  Yummy.

By the way, you know who is a bad ass who never gets enough credit?  FBI Assistant Director Walter SKINNER!  Holy crap, that guy is awesome.

4.) Remember that song “Closer to Free” by the Bodeans that opened Party of Five?  Or how about “Your Woman” by White Town?  Man, the 90’s were ripe with one “hit” wonders. Why do I bring this up?  Cause they both came up on my 90’s mix while I was running at the reservoir yesterday morning.  They were both instantly skipped, not the type of music you wanna run to.  A surprisingly good song to run to?  “Superman” by Goldfinger, also from Tony Hawk Pro Skater fame.  Of course, it did make me run at a rate that was impossible to maintain and left me sucking air after like 2 minutes, but that’s cause I’m out of shape.  I don’t blame the song. I blame my love of beer and chips.

5.) While we’re on the subject of songs, can musicians PLEASE stop rhyming “Girl” with “World?”  I know I’ve talked about this before but goodness gracious fellas, use a rhyming dictionary!  “Pearl, Squirrel, Earl, Burl, Hurl, Swirl, Twirl” (Thanks Rhymezone) they ALL work just as good!

6.) I just read a review of Kevin James’ movie “The Zookeeper” where they said a wolf tells James to mark his territory so he pees on a concession stand or some sort of nonsense.  Comic gold.  When did it become easy to star in a Hollywood movie just as long as you’re fat and will do absolutely anything for a pay check?

7.) Oh, yeah, this is a sports blog.  Phils and Braves duke it out this weekend and let me tell you, it should be a doozy.  Of course, it doesn’t mean much at this point in the season (I seem to remember the Braves holding some kind of lead over the Phillies that seemed insurmountable last year) but it should be fun to watch.  Now THAT is sporting analysis!

Enjoy the weekend!


The 2011 Philadelphia Phillies Opening Day Lineup

April 1, 2011 Randy Neil

Yea, yea, Opening Day was yesterday. But we’re in Philadelphia. Opening Day starts today. First pitch starts (hopefully) at 1PM ET at Citizens Bank Park. I’ve seen flurries and rain all morning, but talk is that the game will be played as scheduled. Yippie.

The Lineup

1. Shane Victorino CF
2. Placido Polanco 3B
3. Jimmy Rollins SS
4. Ryan Howard 1B
5. Rauuuuul Ibanez LF
6. Ben Francisco RF
7. Carlos Ruiz C
8. Wilson Valdez
9. Roy Halladay


(God that’s an awful Photoshop job I know. Wasn’t me!)