Random Thoughts: Eat your Damn Oatmeal!
1.) I had oatmeal for breakfast this morning. This was a mistake. Oatmeal is not a meal. It’s what horses eat. Well, the oats part at least. But hey, like the picture says, “Eat your damn Oatmeal!”
Quick aside: Did anyone ever catch that SNL skit with John Goodman as Wilford Brimley? All you need to know is that he sat on a horse and said things like this:
“When I said I watch my diet, I guess I mean I watch the minivan from Buddy’s Barbecue pull up and unload about $200 worth of pork ribs onto my driveway. While I stand in the doorway hiding my food boner in my Bermuda shorts.”
2.) Welcome to the Sixers, Nikola Vucevic! Man, I always knew I wanted to clone Spencer Hawes. Every time I saw Hawes out on the court I thought, “Man…if only we had TWO of him!”
Good lord, the Sixers should run a clinic on how to be completely average in every way.
3.) Speaking of average, Iguodala has not yet been traded, but he will be soon. I hope. Look, the Sixers need to get a shooter. Monte Ellis can shoot. The Warriors need a defender. Iggy can defend. It makes sense. Do it. And yes, these short sentences directly correspond to my incredible hunger.
4.) I went to a Blue Rocks game yesterday and oh my goodness what a game it was. The Blue Rocks scored 8 runs in one inning, which nearly gave Mr. Celery a heart attack. It was also 90’s night so they had Wayne, Garth and Waldo (of “Where’s” fame) running around the crowd.
Let me say this about the Blue Rocks: Scoff all you want at the games (at times, you may never see worse defense played in your life) but it is a genuinely fun time.
Also, to totally contradict what I just wrote, last night the Blue Rocks’ 3rd baseman made the greatest defensive play I’ve ever seen live in my life. A player on the other team hit a SHOT down the third base line in the top of the 9th (when the Rocks were threatening to somehow give up their 6 run lead) and the third basemen sprang like a feral cat, dove, back handed the ball, got up to his knee and gunned the runner out at first. He got a raucous applause from the crowd.
Also, kudos to the Blue Rocks catcher (named, Bonilla I think) because the pitchers were bouncing balls before they reached home plate all night long and he knocked them all down. He was doo-doo with the bat, though, which may hinder his shot at the bigs.
5.) I’m reading The Last Stand by Nathaniel Philbrick and if anyone is looking for some interesting historical book to read, look no further! This man is an incredible writer and reading about Custer will make you want to hit your head with the heel of your hand and shake it in disbelief about 10 times per page. What a moron!
The book starts out with Custer on his horse chasing down a buffalo, he has a great opportunity to shoot the buffalo, puts the gun to the beast’s head and decides, “Nah, this is too much fun, I’ll give him a little bit longer.”
So he doesn’t shoot. The buffalo turns and leans in towards the horse, which scares it to no end, the horse rears up and instead of shooting the buffalo, Custer accidentally shoots and kills his own horse. He is thrown from his saddle, gets up and looks at the buffalo who just kinda looks at him like, “stupid human” and then walks away. Custer is now stranded deep in Indian territory with no horse and only his dogs to get him back to his troops.
If that isn’t the best allegory to sum up a man’s life, than I don’t know what is.
6.) I laughed hysterically when I read about the end of that show “The Killing.” Since I don’t have TV (I may have mentioned this 10000 times before), I had only been reading the AV club summaries to see who the killer was. AND THEN THEY DIDN’T EVEN REVEAL WHO THE KILLER WAS! Haha, so funny. That show sounded like it sucked on so many levels, and if you want a good laugh, you need to read an interview by the show runner who sounds so delusional that it is almost sad to read. It’s like a parent who says their kid is an honors student, but is in actuality, the dumbest kid in school.
Anyway, that’s it for me.
Go Blue Rocks!