Tag Archive: nfl

2019 AFC Wildcard Predictions!

January 2, 2020 Adam Thomas

Bills at Texans

In researching this game—and by ‘researching’ I mean Googling ‘Bills vs Texans’ and clicking on the first link that popped up—I was surprised to see that all but one of the experts on CBS sports is picking the Bills. I think that the Texans take care of business at home to earn their annual wild card win, divisional round loss.

This year, heading into Randy’s fantasy football draft, I didn’t want to draft a quarterback early, like Deshaun Watson. I wanted to wait on a quarterback and get Josh Allen late in the draft. I chose Cam Newton instead (Whoops!) and Allen went a few players later. When it came back around, I decided to draft Lamar Jackson as my back up, not knowing that he would turn into the greatest quarterback the world has ever seen. Of course, I ended up losing in the championship to a team that started Kirk Cousins. So next year, remember during your fantasy drafts to wait on a quarterback. There are just so many good ones that Kirk Cousins can literally win you a championship. Except for everyone that plays in Randy’s league with me. Feel free to draft a quarterback with your early round picks.

Got a little distracted there—funny how that happens when writing a stream of consciousness blog about the Bills playing the Texans. I like the Texans for the simple fact that they have the better quarterback. I wish I had more analysis for you, but that’s all I got.

Texans 27 Bills 24

Titans at Patriots

Whoa buddy. Now this is a game. Full of all sorts of intrigue and the very real possibility of this being the end of the Brady/Belichick era. Of course, the end of the Patriots dynasty coming at the hands of a jobber like Ryan Tannehill would be too convenient of an end. Everybody outside of New England wants it to happen. We would love to watch Derick Henry run for 200 yards and spike the ball on Belichick’s nuts. But of course, this is the real world. That’s not going to happen. Belichick is going to figure out a way to shut down Ryan Tannehill—something Tannehill has proven adept at doing himself up until this season—they will bottle up Henry and Brady’s old man strength will power them juuuuust enough to win the game.

Another factor is Mike Vrabel going up against his mentor in Belichick. It has a little bit of an Anakin Skywalker vs. Obi Wan Kenobi vibe, no? Of course, Kenobi already has the high ground. Don’t jump, Vrabel. You’ll just end up legless and on fire on the molten world of Mustafar.

Patriots 23 Titans 19


2019 NFC Wild Card Predictions!

December 31, 2019 Randy Neil

Hot dog, everyone, we’re back!  Adam and I have made a New Year’s resolution to return and give the readers what they have long been begging for: sub-par sports predictions and fodder!  In spite of our long sabbatical filled with marriages, kids, job changes, and peyote benders, we still feel compelled to deliver hard-hitting analysis and predict the future of sport.

I can assure you that in that time span, we have gotten no more wiser, no more humble, and no more accurate with our commentary.  And with that, BRING ON THE FODDER!!

Seattle Seahawks (-1.5) @ Philadelphia Eagles

Holy moly, the Eagles baaaaaarely squeaked into the playoffs thanks to a Dallas implosion down the stretch.  The stat about Wentz throwing for over 4000 yards with no single receiver having more than 500 yards for the season pretty much sums how everything has gone.  That team is a depleted shell of itself and any success can solely be attributed to Wentz and dumb luck.

On the other hand, Seattle is coming off a big loss against the 49ers for the division.  Russell Wilson is having a great season and they are still stocked with receivers ready to light up the Eagles’ secondary. Re-signing Marshawn Lynch is a pretty sneaky play on their part to fill the injuries at running back.  Even if he performs poorly, it’s still a huge morale boost with tremendous upside.  I don’t think it’s anything the Eagles can’t bottle up, though.  The Seahawks were top 5 in rushing yards this year, but injuries and a good Eagles run defense is going suffocate that.

This game comes down to the Eagles depleted O-line and secondary.  The Seahawks are going to be looking to throw and while the Birds’ secondary has had flashes of excellence, they are too easily exploited and get burned on the simplest of routes.  I expect Wilson to have a 300+ yard passing game and the question becomes: Will Wentz have time in the pocket and be able to do the same thing?  He’s throwing to literal practice squad players and I’m pretty sure they just signed my mailman to help add depth at the position.  I wouldn’t count on Boston Scott having another 3 touchdown game.

With all that, I still have to go with my trashy Philly heart:

Eagles 38, Seahawks 28.

Minnesota Vikings @ New Orleans Saints (-7.5)

The Saints have really had some gut-wrenching losses in recent playoff history.  I still remember almost choking on my spinach artichoke dip after the Saints secondary let Stefon Diggs catch that miracle touchdown in the 2017 Divisional Playoffs game.  I’m sure the Saints haven’t forgotten either.

The main difference is Minnesota’s quarterback: Kirk Cousins.  There was plenty of QB/WR turmoil that played out this year between Cousins and his receiving core.  Even with the few flashy plays and breakout games from Diggs, the Vikings still ranked 24th in passing.  They are still dysfunctional.

You know who isn’t dysfunctional?  Drew Brees.  The Saints are 4th in the NFL for passing offense.  The Vikings have a considerable amount of interceptions this year but they still allow 65% completion rate.  I expect the Saints wide-receiving core to have a great game.

Saints 31, Vikings 13

Adam is going to have the AFC Wild Card predictions later this week so keep an eye out for that.  Thanks for reading — until next time.


NFL Free Agency in a Nutshell

March 10, 2015 Adam Thomas

2014: the Buccaneers sign Michael Johnson to a 5-year, $43.75 million deal with $24 million guaranteed. Declared a great signing as he was the number 5 free agent available.

2015: Profootballtalk is reporting that in an attempt to get out of paying Johnson $7 million, the Buccaneers might cut him. After a year.

2013: The Dolphins sign linebacker Philip Wheeler to a five-year, $26 million contract.

2015: The Dolphins are trying to trade or will release Wheeler.

So remember, when your team signs a player to a contract worth millions today, it might be best to temper your expectations. He might not be on the team a year from now.


Roger Dodger

September 20, 2014 Adam Thomas

So about that Roger Goodell press conference…what a dope. That was the only thought that was going through my head while I watched Goodell sputter his way through the press conference like me during my sophomore year of college when I had to give a presentation in all Spanish. “Uh…es un necessario…uh…es muy importante….”

Goodness gracious, how did that man ever become commissioner? Just look at this garbage:

Q: The atlantic city prosecutor’s office says they don’t have any trail for the documentation. Can you give us the trail of how you did the investigation so people can know what you put into it?

A: Certainly. Our security department works with law enforcement. They are fully cooperative. We gather almost entirely all of our information through law enforcement. And that is something else we are going to look at, Rachel. Is that the right process. Should all of our information be gathered simply through law enforcement? We understand and respect what they go through and the job they have to do.

Just in case you guys weren’t sure, Goodell would like to remind you that the NFL works with LAW ENFORCEMENT all the time and really respects and loves and cherishes the job that they have to do. What a pandering schmuck. His answer is basically, “is it our facult that we love cops so much? Maybe…”

Also, let’s watch as he talks about the Ray Rice situation, completely absolving himself of any blame and then skirting away when pressed for details like the red headed cyborg that he is:

Q: What exactly did ray rice tell you happened in the elevator and how did what you thought in your mind happen in the elevator differ from what we saw in the video?

A: Judy, a couple of things. First off, i said we got new information from the first time i met with him to my initial discipline, which three weeks later, i acknowledged was not sufficient. It was clear there was an act of domestic violence. But it was inconsistent with the way he described what happened. When we had that new information we had the ability to say we are going to interject and we are going to take additional action. That is what we did. There was new information that developed because we had not seen that second tape that became public roughly 10 days or so ago. That was not consistent with what he said.

Q: Commissioner, what did he say? What did he tell you happened?

A: The one issue with this is this is now a matter of appeal. As you know the nfl p.A. Has appealed this. It is a matter that is going to be taken up with appeal. Without prejudges, i have to respect the appeals process.

Q: You keep talking about transparency. Why can’t you tell us what he said?

A: It is inconsistent with what he told us, what we saw on the video. We have an appeals process. That information will come out.


And of course, the question–I think from Rachel Nichols–about the integrity of the NFL’s own half-assed investigation into what exactly happened with the tape was awesome:

Q: Commissioner, you mentioned robert mueller’s investigation. I’m not going to discuss the integrity of the ex-director of the fbi. The law firm that he works for is a law firm with extremely close ties to the nfl. You guys paid that law firm to help you negotiate some television deals, the president of the ravens who will be key in this whole investigation worked at that law firm for more than 30 years. Why hire someone with even the appearance of inpropriety and how do you expect us to accept everything?

A: I respectfully disagree. You are questioning the integrity of the director of the fbi. Yes. That firm has represented us in the past. They have also been on the other side in litigation against the nfl. So this is a highly respected individual, the longest serving director in the fbi. part of the idea of this is to restore public trust.

Q: So even if he does a flawless investigation isn’t there an element here of your leaving the door open for doubt?

A: Well, rachel, unfortunately we live in a world where there is a lot of litigation. A lot of law firms and maybe people have had some interaction with us in the past. Robert mueller has not. The law firm may have. We are hiring robert mueller, his credentials to do an independent investigation reporting to the owners and i’m competent that will be the case.

Q: Did he interview you yet? Did robert mueller interview you yet?

A: That is something that robert mueller is going to have to announce. We are not disclosing or involving. He is running an independent investigation. He will meet with anyone he wishes any time he wishes. He will get cooperation from me and anybody in the building. I’m not making comments about the investigation. He has full access. If he feels he wants to speak to anybody.

And of course, TMZ sports putting the screws to Goodell:

Q: Adam Glen with tmz and tmz sports. I have to go back to your video and curiosity to see the video. You suspended ray rice after our video. Why didn’t you have the curiosity to go to the casino yourself?

A: Two things. We suspended ray rice originally after seeing the first video. When the second video came out last week, that is when we increased our discipline because that was inconsistent with the information we had. It was new information. One of the things i said in my statement and i have said repeatedly here, that is part of what we want to do with all of our experts. Outside, internal, is try to figure out how should we investigate these issues. In the past we have been almost completely reliant with law enforcement. We do not want to interview with a criminal investigation. In particular here when you are dealing with a casino in new jersey there are more restrictions because it is overseen i believe by the attorney general. We have to be very cautious in not interfering with a criminal investigation. We’ll evaluate that. Should we do more to get more information. I would have loved to see that tape. Should we do more —

Q: Mr. Commissioner, we found out by one phone call. You have a whole legal department. Can you explain that?

A: I can’t explain how you got the information. Only you can do that.

Yeeeeeeeeeesh. This dude is clueless.

Picks will be up tomorrow!


Suspending Disbelief

September 14, 2014 Adam Thomas

So…the NFL, amirite?

Jeebus, what a terrible week. The whole Ray Rice fiasco now Adrian Peterson is an accused beater of children.

The weird part about the Adrian Peterson story is that it prompted about a billion, “If hitting your kid with a switch is illegal, then my mom would be in prison!” har har har jokes on Twitter, which is…interesting.

For one thing, everyone making that joke needs to realize, their mom is not Adrian F-ing Peterson. Peterson is chiseled, and wrecks grown men for a living, just imagine what he would do to a FOUR YEAR OLD CHILD with a switch. Actually, you don’t have to imagine because the pictures are all over the internet, and please bear in mind, those pictures are a week old.

For my bachelor party, I got shot like 35 times during a Bachelor run with 20 some paint ball guns. That hurt like hell and I threw the biggest (debatable) tantrum of my life afterwards, but even those welts were mostly gone after a week. The Vikings made the right call deactiviating him for this game.

Just read this excerpt from CBS Houston:

According to police reports, the child, however, had a slightly different story, telling authorities that “Daddy Peterson hit me on my face.” The child also expressed worry that Peterson would punch him in the face if the child reported the incident to authorities. He also said that he had been hit by a belt and that “there are a lot of belts in Daddy’s closet.” He added that Peterson put leaves in his mouth when he was being hit with the switch while his pants were down. The child told his mother that Peterson “likes belts and switches” and “has a whooping room.”


Also, the Panthers owner cried hysterically about how seriously he takes domestic violence but is still allowing his star player–and convicted woman abuser–on the field Sunday because, well, winning trumps crocodile tears.

(Update: Apparently Jerry Richardson reads theHeadrush cause Greg Hardy has now been deactivated. Good job Panthers).

So anyway, happy times in NFL land.

Here are my 3 team teaser picks with the lines from Delaware Park:

Lions +2.5; Patriots -3.5; Cardinals -2.5


Chip Kelly Proves NFL Players are Out of Shape

September 12, 2013 Adam Thomas

Did you guys hear how well Chip Kelly’s up-tempo offense did on Monday night?  I sure did. About a zillion times. But you know what? All that it proves to me is that NFL players are out of shape.

Seriously. If you can’t handle running for 5 seconds every 40 seconds, then that is a damn shame. In fact, football games only feature 11 minutes of actual action during the course of a game. If everything played out equally, that means defenses are on the field for about 5.5 minutes a game. Break it down again and individual defenses are on the field for 2.75 minutes A GAME. HOW IN THE WORLD CAN YOU BE TIRED FROM THAT?

Come on NFL players, lets do some distance running, shall we?

Also, how come nobody is talking about how this high powered offense only scored 7 points in the second half? Could it be that the Redskins figured out this complex scheme pretty quickly? I say yes. For all the love Chip Kelly’s team is getting, it seems to be lost that his team only won the game by six points.

Eagles fans have a tendency to blow things out of proportion (shocking, I know). So this week, on the Delaware Park Parlay card, I like the following:

Chargers +13.5, Dolphins +9.5 and the Rams +13.5.

Welcome back glorious football!