Cleaning Up Like Danny Tanner
Hey, I’m a cartoon now! Sweet!
1.) Here is all you need to know about how obnoxious ESPN’s coverage of Jeremy Lin has gotten: Last night the Knicks played the Heat and you know what? I was rooting for the Heat to win! Goodness, it hurts to write that, but it’s true! I would’ve rather had Lebron James destroy those fools and put a (albeit brief) stop to all the Jeremy Lin madness.
Look, I get it, it’s rare that something like this happens. But on Saturday morning, I turned on ESPN and they had an interview with Lin talking about how he was crying cause he kept getting cut by NBA teams. OK, that’s fine. BUT then I turned on ESPN on Tuesday morning AND THEY WERE PLAYING THE EXACT SAME INTERVIEW! Gah! That is madness and it certainly deserved an all caps sentence. Simmons has had THREE PODCASTS where he talks about Jeremy Lin. And in every one, he always says “I mean, he’s going to end up like J.J. Barea…” just have that in one podcast. Case closed.
2.) Moving on, Stefanie and I just bought our first house, and you know what I did not expect? Buying a house has turned me into freaking Danny Tanner! I’m walking around with disinfectant wipes, Windex and bleach non stop scrubbing all sorts of surfaces in my house! And this is funny cause I have never really been a clean person (just ask any of my former roommates), but all of a sudden, I’m like Bob Saget.
3.) We watched Drive last Friday in HD and let me tell you something, that movie was awesome. By far the best movie I’ve seen in the past year. That is until I watched The Tree of Life on Wednesday. Now it’s a tossup between those two.
Look, I know people are either going to love or hate the Tree of Life, but that’s how it is with all Terrence Malick movies. I remember once in Asheville, a group of us got together to watch his movie “The New World” and we all hated it. I watched it alone two years later and now love it, but it’s certainly an acquired taste. If you don’t like voice-over, his movies probably ain’t for you.
What I will say about The Tree of Life is that no movie has ever made me think about the vastness of the universe and life and death more. It really is a spiritual movie more than anything else, and I really, really enjoyed it. Drive is just awesome cause of the visuals and the faux 80’s synthed out soundtrack that plays throughout every scene. If you like cheesy 80’s synth pop like me and Dennis Reynolds, OR you like Grand Theft Auto, then I suggest checking it out.
4.) Apparently Jay-Z and Kanye West played one of their songs ten times in a row at a concert. That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard of being done at a concert in my life. And people have the gall to call those two conceited!
It did, however, remind me of an awesome burn that my friend Big B told me about: once upon a time, he and one of his buddies were leaving a bar and they decided to pump a juke box full of quarters and put that song “D.A.N.C.E” by Justice on about ten times in a row and then high tailed it out of there. Can you imagine listening to that song ten times in a row? Oh my goodness that sounds like torture! The only song I can think of that I’d like to listen to ten times in a row is “Starship Trooper” by Yes. That was sarcasm. That’d be about 100 minutes of non-stop spritely music.
5.) While we’re on music, check out my cousin Chris’ awesome blog Live philly concerts where he goes around recording live performances of bands and posts them to the blog. He has literally been to more concerts in the past month than I have been to in my entire life! And the video quality is incredible considering he is filming it on his phone (I think) in a throng of fans. If you’re looking for some hip new bands, go check it out. Good stuff.
6.) ALSO, while we’re on music, check out my buddy Sam’s band, Fort Lean. They were recently named a buzz worthy band by MTV. You close personal friends of mine might know Sam as a member of the multi-platinum selling rap group Insurrection. AKA, the rap band we formed when we were Counselors in Training up at Simon’s Rock College of Bard’s Young Writers Workshop back in 2004. All I’ve got to say is “GAME ON!” If you check out the link above, Sam is the one on the far left with the big hair. He’s also the drummer and tears it up on their tracks.
What’s odd is that we haven’t talked in like 6 years and yet here I am plugging his band. But that is the beauty (and the horror) of Facebook.
7.) Let’s see, what else. Oh yes, I also recommend checking out King of New York, this crazy early 90’s movie where Christopher Walken plays a drug kingpin just released from jail. It’s pretty ridiculous (Lawrence Fishburn plays his part juuust a bit over the top) but it does have Walken playing a drug kingpin, and it is well worth it for this one scene where (SPOILERS!) he shoots a rival drug kingpin and then says, “If any of you…are getting tired…of getting ripped off by guys like that…you come with me. I’m at the Plaza Hotel….You’re welcome. YOU’RE ALL WELCOME!…..To join.”
I don’t know if that quote did the brilliance of the scene justice, as Walken inter-splices the quote with random gun shots into the guy and, well, you all know how weirdly he enunciates things. But just youtube it.
8.) The Sixers…yeesh, what can you say? They are terrible. Looking at the top 8 teams in the East, there is only one that I think they can probably beat in a series, and that is Boston. Miami: no chance. Bulls: No. Orlando: No. Indiana: No. Atlanta: No. New York: No. Boston: Maybe. Yuck. They have really fallen off.
I’ve said it once, but this is the first time this season: They need to trade Iggy for a proven scorer. Then give Turner his minutes and I don’t think we will lose TOO much. Obviously, Iggy is better than Turner at this point but I think it’s a move that has to be made.
9.) It’s funny how when Stanford Routt was a Raider, he was garbage but now that they cut him and the Chiefs signed him, he is a shutdown corner. Look, I watched the guy all last year, he is doo-doo.
10.) I watched Tiger Woods in match play yesterday and man is his putting atrocious. As my brother’s fiance, Jen, always says, “Drive for show, putt for dough.”
11.) The Rock is returning to Raw on Monday Night and he had better have his “A” game with him. If he plugs twitter (which he will) or Facebook (which he will), I may have to side with John Cena in their feud, something I never thought possible. See, the Rock I know and love would never do that.
The Rock I know and love wears leather fanny packs, gaudy gold watches, gold rimmed sun glasses, Hawaiian shirts, short khaki shorts and polished crocodile loafers with no socks to the ring to cut his promos (which involve being booed and giving people Rolex’s and pictures of the Rock as gifts).
The Rock I know and love is no more. This new Rock plugs twitter and stars in Mystery Island 2 (Probably not the right name). So I hope that he cuts a great promo on Monday, cause rooting for Cena at Wrestlemania is something that I never wanted to do. But it’s something I may be forced to accept. Come on Rocky! Please don’t mention twitter.
That’s all I got. Until next time…