Tag Archive: hope solo

Hope Gets Hitched

November 14, 2012 Adam Thomas

Hope Solo married Jerramy Stevens on Tuesday–as some astute commentor on Yahoo! pointed out, ‘Who gets married on a Tuesday?’–but the real story is what went down BEFORE they got married.  Because I am lazy, allow me to copy and paste the police report from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer courtesy of Yahoo!:

“According to the Seattle Post-Intelligencer, Marcus Solo (Hope’s brother) was the one who called Kirkland police, and when police came to the scene, he had blood on his forehead and knees, and a bruised eye. Hope solo then emerged from the house, intoxicated and with a laceration on her elbow. She did not cooperate with police and told her brother not to say anything. When police swept the house, they found eight intoxicated people, a woman in the kitchen with a hip injury, and Stevens on the floor of an upstairs bedroom, claiming that he was sleeping, not hiding.

Stevens had blood on his cheek and his shirt. He admitted that he had been arguing with Solo, and since police have to make an arrest when there is a domestic violence call, Stevens was arrested and charged with fourth-degree assault.”

My favorite part about the story is when the police found 8 intoxicated people in the house and a woman in the kitchen with a hip injury.  WHAT IN THE WORLD WENT DOWN?  Nobody knows…even those present, I’m sure…but apparently it wasn’t enough to deter the two love birds from tying the knot.  Sala.

Now, there are a lot of terrible stories out there about Stevens, and he most definitely is a despicable character, but my favorite memory of him is way back on Monday night football when he played for the Seahawks and he pissed off a Raider so bad (I think it was Tyler Brayton?) that Brayton grabbed Stevens and kneed him in the balls. (Exhibit A is to your left).

The weirdest part of that altercation? Stevens didn’t even act like it hurt. He just laughed. I don’t know ANYBODY that would be laughing after getting kneed in the junk by a 250-pound D-lineman.

Also, that was the night they let Christian Slater and his percocet into the Monday night football booth and he marveled at a punt by the Raiders. Not the play, mind you, just how high the ball went saying (with genuine glee like he had NEVER seen a ball get punted before) “WHOAAA! LOOK AT THAT!”

Good stuff.  Somebody needs to find that and put it on Youtube ASAP.

I finished the half marathon last Saturday in Richmond and if you’ve never run one, I highly recommend it. Especially in Richmond.  Now, it’s the only one I’ve ever run in so I’m sure they do this in other cities, but the whole town completely shuts down for the race. People come out of their houses and cheer you on, some of them hand out gummie bears, some of them hand out shots of Natty Light and Whiskey.

I was having none of it, however, as I had my eye on the prize!  That prize: Beating my brother’s time from last year of course! Nothing wrong with a little spirited brotherly competition.

So when I crossed the finish line in 1:54:39, I thought that I had won!

Until I got back to my Uncle and Aunt’s house and looked up his time from last year:



Next year, it’s on!

And we’re buying a championship belt for whoever wins.

1 Comment

You Know WhattiMean?

July 29, 2011 Adam Thomas

1.) Did you know that all of the Ernest movies up until Ernest Rides Again grossed over 25 MILLION dollars in theaters?  Holy crap that is insane.  I know it doesn’t seem like much, but if you factor in that tickets were so much cheaper back then, Dats a LOT of Dimp. Why am I bringing this up?  Because a few posts back, I mentioned that I went to Best Buy and passed up on a 3 for 1 Ernest DVD, Castaway, and Jerry Maguire.  Well…that mistake was rectified last Friday as I not only purchased those but the Best of Chris Jericho dvd as well.  BOOM!

2.) So I know you’re wondering, what do I think is the greatest Ernest movie of all time?  Well, it’s a tough list to make, no doubt, but I am going to try to figure it out right now:

9-6: Ernest in the Army, Ernest goes to Africa, Ernest goes to School, Ernest Rides Again.  In no particular order.  I mean, Ernest goes to freaking Africa?  Are you kidding me?  You know how hot denim is in the Sahara?  I also like how he just goes to the entire continent.  Not one specific location, just AFRICA!

5: Slam Dunk Ernest.  Bonus points to this one for having talking shoes and the one, the only Kareem Abdul-Jabbar (get your hand out my cookie jar!)

4: Ernest Saves Christmas.  Underrated?  Perhaps.  Sure I love Ernest the cabbie (his cab number is 69…snicker…), but those elves are freaking creepy looking!  Bonus points for the part where they barge into Verne’s house and destroy it. Holiday cheer, know whattimean? But yeah, the supporting actors are just horrid, especially that orphan girl and the old deranged Santa Claus.

3: Ernest goes to Jail. Ernest P. Worrell: Electroman!  I love the movie, love the soap gun, love when Ernest (or his alter ego: NASH!) puts the weights over the guy’s balls (the guy’s name is Eddie, and I actually remembered that off the top of my head for some reason) in the dark prison weightroom. The highlight of this film?  No, not when Ernest shoots electrodes from his fingers, but when he is chewing on the pen in the courtroom and it breaks and he gets ink all over himself.  He tries to clean it up with some notebook paper and then has to eat that for some reason.  Comic GOLD!

2: Ernest Scared Stupid. How bout a bumper sandwich, Boogerlips?  Oh classic.  Classic, classic, CLASSIC! Come on, Ernest sets up a Troll Motel made up of card board, there is the crazy lady with rusty bear traps in her front yard, the awesome scene where the kids put milk into super soakers (which I tried once…and broke my super soaker), and of course, we learned the ultimate lesson in the funniest Ernest non-sequitur of all time: Ain’t no trees in Botswana!  Nu-Uh!  I know, I’m a Botswanian lumberjack and I ain’t never had a job!

1: Ernest Goes to Camp.  The first, and still the best.  All those bad kids from Juvi that Ernest helps (Moose!), the turtle scene at the end which inexplicably has two turtles talking to each other (I’m scared, Sarge! We’re all scared, Sarge!), Ernest teaching all his child viewers the worst lesson in history when he walks towards a dude with a deer rifle who is shooting at him and thanks to some crazy Indian Juju he doesn’t get shot (hey, kids!  Try this at home!  Walk towards a rifle and it won’t hit you!), and who can forget that Ernest sings!  Gee I’m glad it’s raining, cause no-one sees your tear drops…WHEN IT POURS!  Gah, the humanity.  I’m crying a little bit just thinking about that song.

Anyway, that’s my list and I’m sticking to it.

3.) I’m going to put some stats side by side.  Tell me whatcha think:

Player 1: .246 avergae, 20 HR, 77 RBI, 54 Runs, 1 sb

Player 2: .286 average, 23 HR, 74 RBI, 58 Runs

Player 1 is the Phillies own Ryan Howard.  Player 2 is Prince Fielder.  Why am I putting this up here?  Because their stats are virtually identically (obviously, Fielder hits for better average), but whenever people talk about the top five first basemen in baseball, Fielders’ name comes up but Howard’s doesn’t.  WHY?  It drives me absolutely nuts.  Everyone in Philly shits all over Howard and all he does is consistently stay near the top of the NL in RBIs and HRs (I can hear the chorus now “and strikeouts.”)  Oh, and his team has won a world series, won a championship game and lost in the championship game the past 3 years.  No biggie.

Philly fans: appreciate what you have.

Oh, and since some female reader of ours (I’m looking at you Braves Fan), went on a rant about me being sexist towards Hope Solo, how about we talk about how damned cute Ryan Howard is?  The man is ADORABLE! A big cuddly teddy bear.

4.) Dave Chappelle went on stage recently and told one joke and then remained silent for 45 minutes cause he saw someone in the crowd taking a video of his performance.  Could it be possible that Chappelle is just an asshole? Look, I can understand taking $50 million from a TV company because you peaked and you’d never be close to replicating the hilarity of your previous work.  That I can understand.  But don’t be a dick to your fans. You CHOSE to be a celebrity and to be on TV.  You can’t bitch and moan now that you don’t like what celebrity entails.

Translation: Check nuts and write some new jokes.

5.) The Nnamdi sweepstakes are just about up, and you know where I think he goes?  The Ravens! (an earlier edition of this had “The Jets” but that’s like predicting that the sun will rise tomorrow aka it’s no fun to guess that!)  Would I like him to stay with the Raiders?  Sure.  But look, they went 2-14 when he had arguably his best season.  How much impact can he really have on a game?  In any case, good luck wherever you go, Nnamdi.  You will be missed.

Until next time…


Hope Solo ain’t all that…and other things

July 22, 2011 Adam Thomas

1.) Look, this trend has gotten out of control.  Whenever a female athlete is on center stage and is MILDLY attractive, us male folks go off the deep end.  How many guys did you hear say “I wanna marry Hope Solo!”  “She is so hot!”  Blah blah blah.  Fact of the matter is, she’s kinda pretty, she is OK to look at.  She’s not THAT good looking. In fact, she’s a little man-ish.

You can point out photo-shopped, cropped pictures all you want, but the girl on the field, in the net, the real girl, wasn’t all that attractive.  And that’s just the truth.

2.)Yea for Japan!  Look, does it really matter that the US women lost?  Absolutely not.  I think Blue Rocks losses strung more than that.  In fact, I didn’t even watch.  I was hung over from my bachelor party and spent all Sunday watching Mad Men episodes. My dad kept calling and flipping out, and I just wanted to say, calm down!  You’ve been wrapped up in women’s soccer for a week.  Do you really care THAT much if they win?  Especially when we were playing Japan, a country that needed an emotional lift?  Now, would it have been cool if they won?  Of course!  But was I all that upset that they lost?  Not at all.

3.) If you ever have a bachelor party and go paintball, just say no to the “bachelor run.”  It isn’t worth it. It sucks.  It’s supposed to be a day to be enjoyed, not to be hunted down like Ice-T in Surviving the Game. And if there is an 11 year old redneck child goading you into it, don’t succumb to his taunts.  Just look at him and say, “Who told you that you could stop staring at that wall!”

I counted 27 shots on my back, and the next day discovered 7 shots ringing my right ass cheek like the 7 stars in the Pleiades.

Paintball is fun as anything, though, and I can’t wait to go again (hopefully to participate in shooting at a bachelor).

4.) There is an alarming trend in retired NFL players that needs to stop: gross broken fingers that they don’t repair.  FIX THAT SHIT YOU GROSS OLD MEN!  Look, we know that you’re tough, Chuck Bednarik, but don’t wave your nasty dislocated finger in my damn face!  Especially when I’m reading Sports Illustrated and eating.  Gah, I almost puked.  That goes double for you Brian Baldinger.  Gross.

5.) While we’re on the NFL, I’m reading a book about the 70’s Raiders and something has become crystal clear to me while reading it: Lynn Swann is a freaking SISSY!  Dude is such a whiner.  Wha!  George Atkinson clubbed me in the back of the head while I wasn’t looking!  Boo-Hoo!  SOFT!

Let’s look at some stats side by side and you tell me who should be in the hall of fame:

Players A: 505 rec, 8,685 yds, 17.3 yards per catch, 67 TDs.

Player B: 336 rec, 5,462 yds, 16.3 yards per catch, 51 TDs.

Player A, right?  WRONG!  Player A is Cliff Branch, Raiders WR in the 70’s who is currently NOT in the hall of fame. Player B is Lynn Swann, cry baby extraordinaire who played on the 70’s Steelers. Swann, it should be noted, never had a 1,000 yards season (Branch had 2).

Now I know there are those out there who will say, “But Swann has four Super Bowl rings!”  And to that I say, “Branch has THREE!”  Gah!  The Hall of Fame process makes NO SENSE!

6.) Top three funniest moments from the bachelor party (with names redacted)

3.) Unnamed friend 1 standing up and dancing to EVERY song at the Blue Rocks game.  Perhaps “Dancing” doesn’t do it justice, as the person in question stood up and stuck his arms out wide while lazily rocking his butt back and forth, eventually getting so caught up in one song that he rubbed the head of some helpless male spectator sitting in front of us.


1.) At the end of the game, the cowboy monkey guy got on the microphone, said that he loved his monkey, picked one up and hugged him, then KISSED the monkey, prompting friend number 3 to drunkenly exclaim: “THAT GUY F**KED A MONKEY!”

Hahaha, man, great times, great memories. Thanks to all my awesome friends for showing up and throwing down!

Until next time….