Tag Archive: Full Metal Jousting

To the Pain!

March 9, 2012 Adam Thomas

1.) About a month ago, maybe more, my cousin Bryan suggested that I check out a show called “Full Metal Jousting.” Now, at the time, I was in the middle of moving into a new house and didn’t really have the time to check it out.  This week, however, I had the time and let me tell you something: Full Metal Jousting is AWESOME!

The unintentional comedy runs high and the production value looks like it is through the roof. These guys don’t put on armor like you’re use to seeing in museums, they put on armor that makes them look like freaking Iron Man.

Did I mention the unintentional comedy? Here are just a few “quotes” from the show (I put quotes in quotes because I didn’t write them down when I was watching, so this is mostly from memory.)

Jouster named Mike says in episode one: “Everyone told me I was crazy, they said that I didn’t have good enough insurance to be doing this.” Yeah, I may be wrong, but I’m pretty sure that All-State doesn’t carry a Jousting plan.

After winning the first joust of the season (against Mike, who it should be noted is a United States Marine vet), jouster Joshua had this to say: “Jousting felt incredible. It’s just such a rush, like knocking somebody out or seeing your child born.”  Such sweet sentiment.

It also needs to be said that the jousting that takes place on the show is pretty darn badass. I mean, these guys get JACKED UP when they take a shot and fall off their horse. One guy gets hit in the face (IN THE FAAAACCCEEEEE!) with a lance, had blood all over his face, went to the ER and got staples put in his head and then came back announcing “I’m out for at least a week.”  Tough.

Another great aspect is that on the one hand you have these HUGE ex-marines who are jousting against guys who are philosophy majors and work at “Medieval Times.” It’s the classic case of “nerd” vs. “meat head” only in this competition, the nerds are at a distinct advantage cause they are used to riding horses and “jousting.” And they also have red hair, which seems to be a necessity in order to be good at jousting for some odd reason.

It is really easy to mock the show and the participants, but in all sincerity, what they are doing takes a lot of guts (or at least, a mid-life crisis). I would never, ever, EVER go anywhere near a joust, but I absolutely love watching it on TV.  Full Metal Jousting, I salute you.

2.) Has Adrien Brody officially transformed himself into “V” from “V for Vendetta?” Also that commercial with him and Andre 3000 and that other guy just makes me really sad for what has become of Mr. 3000. Sure he can still put down sweet verses on other people’s tracks, but he recently said that he doesn’t foresee another Outkast album anytime soon and that is terrible. Outkast can’t go out with the terrible “Idlewild” as their last album, can they?

Also, how come in that commercial, the three guys nod and say “What’s up?” to a group of three girls, and the girls just smirk and keep on walking. I don’t understand, these three guys are supposed to look cool, but they can’t even reign in these ladies. What gives?

3.) Bounty Gate! Bounty Gate!

My prediction is the league suspends Greg Williams for a year and fines him $500,000, suspends Sean Payton for 4 games and fines him $250,000, suspends all the players involved at least 4 games and gives them various fines, takes the Saints first round and second round picks, and fines them $1,000,000.

If the Raiders had been involved in Bounty Gate (and there is a chance that their new coach was, but I mean if it had been the Raiders paying to take people out), Goodell would summon Mark Davis to his office, and chop off one of his hands.

4.) I know I’ve been talking about Cena/Rock a lot lately, but I just have to get this off my chest. Last Monday, John Cena cut such a terrible promo that it has to be mentioned. Basically, here was the gist of what he said (in an empty arena with a very, VERY serious face): “I’m a big Boston sports fan and there is one thing that no Boston sports fan will ever forget. And that’s when the Patriots went undefeated but lost in the Super Bowl. But you know what the Patriots going 18-1 taught me, it’s that nobody remembers second place.”  Ummmm, hows that again? Nobody remembers second place except for EVERYBODY REMEMBERING that the Patriots came in second place? My brain hurts. John Cena, you’re an idiot.

5.) So, you know how I always talk trash on things and then end up liking them? Well, that happened to me in a big way this week. I was in the car listening to 88.5 and I heard a Bon Iver song for the first time ever. I listened and was like, “This is crap, what’s the big deal? What an overrated piece of garbage.”

Then, when I got home, I couldn’t get that darn “I was not…MAGNIFICENT” line out of my head. So I went on iTunes and listened to it…and then listened to it again…and then the next morning I bought the album.

That’s just how I roll.

Anyway, that’s all I got.  I’ll see you at the list!


Moonshining Envelopes

February 17, 2012 Adam Thomas

1.) If you haven’t watched that show “Moonshiners” yet, do yourself a favor and check it out.  HILARIOUS. Here is all you need to know: It’s a show about moonshiners in Appalachia who set up hidden stills to brew moonshine and they’re named things like “Popcorn” and “Tickle.” Tickle, by the way, is almost always going to do something hysterical. And yes, it is seems like moonshine fumes and drinking mash liquor for his entire life has turned his brain to mush.  Go figure.

2.) I still haven’t watched that Full Metal Jousting show that my cousin recommended, but I promise to do so soon. Especially since I am immersed in “A Storm of Swords” the third book in George R.R. Martin’s “Song of Ice and Fire” series.

By the way, can I just beg any future fantasy writers out there to leave songs and lyrics and poems and that nonsense out of your books?  They are annoying and all I do is skip over them. Tolkien pulls that crap too with all the little hobbits singing their songs.

3.) I’ve been watching a lot of Sopranos episodes lately, and I have to say, my favorite part is when the mobsters hand each other envelopes brimming with cash, and then the recipient slyly tucks it into his inside jacket pocket.

I think having someone come up to me, give me a hug, slap me lightly on the cheek and hand me a big old envelope full of cash while saying something like, “Go buy yourself something nice” or “Here’s a little something for a rainy day” is now on my bucket list. It doesn’t have to be real, it could be Monopoly money for all I care, I just want it to happen.

4.) I just got a new old TV from my rents (and by “just” I mean I got it about a month ago) and it has a duel VCR/DVD player built in–we’re talking high-tec stuff. This allowed me to watch the original cartoon Transformers movie for the 1,000th time and you know what I forgot?  At the beginning, the narrator states, “the year is 2005.” Why didn’t they set it a little further into the future?  I mean, the movie was made in 1986.  Were the creators really banking on Transformers and Decepticons being built in 19 years?  I think ANY science fiction movie has to set the year that it takes place at least 100 years in the future.

5.) It pains me to say this, but I think the Sixers have peaked.  They got off to a hot start because of the shortened season/little roster turnover but now teams are catching up to them.  I once thought that they could get out of the first round, but I am starting to have my doubts especially because…

6.) LINSANITY!  I had to mention it.  Quite frankly, I am very happy that I do not have ESPN right now (I just moved and Comcast is transferring today) cause I am guessing that is ALL that they are talking about. But in spite of all that, it really is a neat story. Even if the media blows everything up for about a week and then forgets about it in a month. Plus, he seems like a nice guy.

7.) Yeesh, I don’t know how I feel about the new Springsteen song. I mean it’s OK, but it sounds like he is trying TOO hard to sound like Bruce.  Take this lyric for instance: “We’re the eyes, the eyes with the will to see.”

I mean, isn’t that just eyes?  Don’t all eyes have the WILL to see?  Some may not have the ABILITY to see, but I’m pretty sure all eyes want to see.  That’s what they do. They’re EYES!

And yes, I know that he is trying to say that we have the will to see all the atrocities in the world and help out and not turn a blind eye and yada yada yada, but it still falls a little flat for me.  I’m hoping the album picks up after that (and since it has “Land of Hope and Dreams” on it’s track list, I’m sure it will.)

8.) Ok, we like to avoid politics here at Theheadrush, but that story about Mitt Romney strapping his dog to the top of his car DURING A 12 HOUR ROAD TRIP is just too incredibly, INCREDIBLY stupid to be ignored. How…HOW could you think that was a good idea? And that’s not even the best part. The dog goes to the bathroom (I guess it wasn’t scared S-less…BADUMP-TING!) and so Romney pulls over at a gas station, borrows a hose, hoses down the dog and then sticks him back up in the crate on top of the car. Wow.

Then, when interviewed about it, Romney said something like “I guess PETA doesn’t like me wanting my dog to have fresh air.” No. No they don’t. Not when it’s for 12 hours straight attached to the roof of a car traveling about 70 mph.

No wonder this robot is having trouble closing out the nomination.

9.) Plug time!  My co-worker Christy has a blog called Scrink, Bring me Up, and it covers everything from movies to music to books, to Guantanamo Bay!  You should go check it out, not only for the awesome content, but also for the chance to win a FREE KINDLE TOUCH!  But that’s not all, she is also giving away A VEGGIE TALES DVD!  Holy crap.  A chance to win a Kindle and Bob the Tomato?  Double it.

10.) I reached ten!  I did it!

Let me just say that if the WWE doesn’t get The Funkasaurus back on TV ASAP, I may have to boycott.  Also, Bret the Hitman Hart is going to be at a Blue Rocks game this summer.  You will see me in the box seats, screaming like a banshee trying to get him to give me his greasy glasses.

Till next time!