Tag Archive: espn

Free Agency Winners from….2012

March 13, 2013 Adam Thomas

mcmichael_leap-01-2Free agency is always one of the most exciting and mind boggling times of the NFL year. Exciting because players move around nimbly bimbly from team to team, and mind boggling because teams are always declared ‘Winners’ and ‘Losers.’ The fact of the matter is that most of the time, the ‘Winners’ of free agency are still ‘Losers’ when it comes time to play actual football.  Don’t believe me?  Well then let’s take a look at some of last year’s supposed ‘Winners’ according to John Clayton from ESPN.

1.) “The Tampa Bay Buccaneers were the 2012 free-agency winners by grabbing Vincent Jackson, Carl Nicks and Eric Wright,” said Clayton. Most pundits pegged the Bucs as free agency winners last year.  And what did that winning get them? A 7-9 season and last place in the NFC South.

2.) The Buffalo Bills were also considered winners because they signed Mario Williams. A 6-10 record (last place in the AFC East) later and we all know what that did for them.

3.) Washington Redskins.  OK, but Clayton puts them on this list largely because they put themselves in a position to draft Robert Griffin III. And there ain’t no RGIII this year.

So Dolphins and Browns fans beware.  Even though your team is ‘Winning’ free agency, it may not matter when the leaves change.


Post Super Bowl Thoughts

February 6, 2012 Adam Thomas

1.)  This Super Bowl gave us an instantly classic moment and no I’m not talking about Eli Manning’s crazy pass to Mario Manningham (although that was pretty memorable). I’m talking about 5 minutes into the first quarter, when every wife/girlfriend in America turned to their husband/boyfriend and asked: ‘What’s a safety?’

2.) How come Eli Manning and Tom Coughlin get kissed into the Hall of Fame after their second Super Bowl win and yet Jim Plunkett and Tom Flores–QB and Coach for the Raiders–who both have two Super Bowl rings get no love?

Then Curtis Martin gets in?  Are you KIDDING ME?  Curtis Martin was like the 10th best running back in Madden 99 and yet he makes the Hall of Fame?  What the heck?

3.) Since ESPN has glossed over this point at every opportunity, let me just shed light on one little thing: Tom Brady and Bill Belichick have not won a super bowl post-spy gate. Let me repeat this: the Patriots have never won a super bowl without videotaping their opponents. This is why it was so important for them to win yesterday.  If they win yesterday, they have a legit championship.  But they lost, and so every time somebody mentions the Pats three super bowls, all of us haters can say, “Yes…but they cheated.”

4.) On Friday night after the Sixers game, a very inebriated older woman stood in traffic dancing around like an idiot while depressed Philly fans beeped their horns and yelled at her.  During her halftime show, Madonna looked like a mix between that drunk woman and a new-born baby just learning how to walk.

5.) I didn’t even notice that M.I.A. flipped the bird. But who cares?  Jeez folks, let’s all calm it down a bit.

6.) I read an article on Yahoo that was supposed to make me feel bad for Brady and see how much this loss meant to him. Note to the writer: if you want me to feel sympathy for the devil, please don’t put in a sentence like, “where his wife, Brazilian Supermodel….”

7.) No good ads this year, but there never are!  This is the biggest myth in America. The Super Bowl ads always try way too hard to be funny. The only Super Bowl ad that I ever found funny was the ad about ten years ago with the “Cat Herders” where the cowboys herded cats across a barren desert and sat around the campfire using lint rollers to get the hair off their leather outfits.  Yeah, and even that sounds stupid when I write it out.

8.) From now until eternity, there will not be a Super Bowl in the Thomas house hold that does not involve Chili.  Stef made a pot yesterday and it was INCREDIBLE! I am counting down the minutes until I can have some for lunch. Chili will be seeping out of my pours by Wednesday. Special thanks to Deadspin’s Drew Magary who included a chili recipe in his excellent Super Bowl Jamboroo, which gave us the inspiration to make some chili!

9.) Now that the football is out of the way, it’s time to focus on the best sporting event of the year: THE NFL DRAFT!  And just because Kiper and McShay never live up to their mistakes, it’s time for me to own up to mine.  Here’s what I wrote last year about Von Miller:

“I think that Von Miller guy is going to be the biggest bust in the draft.  He looks tiny as hell and he just seems like the kind of guy who gets all sorts of buzz and then never does anything.  Tyson Jackson anyone?”

hahahahaha, what an IDIOT!  Von Miller just won Defensive Rookie of the Year.  So…yeah…I was juuuust a bit off on that one.

10.) Super Bowl picks for next year?  Hows about the Texans and the 49ers!  Yeah buddy!

Alright, that’s all for me.  But I’m hoping to be back this week with another post.


After the Earthquake, Pryor to the Hurricane

August 26, 2011 Adam Thomas

Alright, bad headline I know.  But I couldn’t resist the easy pun.

1.) That earthquake may have been one of the lamest things in recent history.  I was driving back from getting my marriage license at the time and I didn’t even feel it.  From what I can surmise though, it wasn’t anything to write home about.  Let me put it this way, if the thin picture frame on my desk and an old Christmas card are still standing, that ain’t no earthquake.  That’s weak is what that is.

Remember the earthquake on Saved by the Bell when Zack got stuck in an elevator with Mrs. Belding and Torrie, the girl who had the frizzy hair and always wore a leather jacket or a dress with big ol’ shoulder pads? And then he actually delivered the baby on the elevator?  Holy crap Zack Morris was the man.

I always felt bad for that guy named Max who owned “The Max” and did magic.  He seemed to live a very uneventful life.  I can just picture him at home working on a magic trick in his apartment and thinking, “Man, Screech is gonna LOVE this” as his mom yells at him from the other room to do the dishes or something.

Come to think of it, a proprietor who lures high school kids to his restaurant to wow them with magic tricks doesn’t sound comedic at all, that sounds like the actions of a serial killer.

I remember once he cracked an egg on the table and it turned into a chicken.  He never topped that.

2.)The Raiders signed Terrelle Pryor in the supplemental draft and pundits were quick to crap all over the choice for some reason. Here is good old rotoworld with their assessment: “Pryor drew late fifth- to seventh-round grades from NFL scouts, so there is no question that this was a major reach.”

Settle down fellas.  Here’s the deal, they used a 3rd round pick on him. If he doesn’t pan out, it’s not the end of the world.  I’m also going to dip into the often used adage “If the Patriots or Eagles had selected him with a 3rd round pick, everyone would be calling it a genius move,” cause that is exactly what would’ve happened.  Instead of Todd McShay bitching about how stupid the Raiders are on ESPN, he would’ve been peeing himself with glee at Andy Reid’s stellar steal.

Also, people need to calm down about the Raiders not having 2nd, 3rd and 4th round picks in next year’s draft.  They just lost 2 pro bowl players.  One of those (Nnamdi) is going to net them a 3rd round pick (NFL hands out compensatory picks to teams who lose good free agents), Zach Miller will probably get them a 4th and maybe even Robert Gallery will get them a 7th.  So next year they are without a 2nd round pick.  They pretty much just cashed in their 3rd rounder for free because they knew they’d be getting it back.

Pryor was worth the risk.  It was a good gamble.

3.) If I were in a heavy metal band, we’d be called Doorknob. The name of our first album?  You guessed it: Safety.

4.) You know what game show they need to bring back?  Supermarket Sweep.  Holy crap that show was awesome!  “She’s filling the cart with butterball turkeys!  Ooooo, now she’s moving on to the coffee!  And look, she is CRAMMING the cart full of diapers!”

Those were the 3 big items to go after: butterball turkeys, coffee and diapers.

I thought of this the other day when I was grocery shopping with Stefanie and we got in line with a crap ton of food…BUT WE FORGOT THE CHARCOAL!  Gah!

So I had to sprint down the aisles as she waited in line to be checked out.  Oh man, talk about pressure.  That’s worse than being down 3 points and running a two minute drill in the Super Bowl. You have to get the charcoal before the people behind you start bitching because they’re waiting to check out and you’ve disappeared into the nether regions of the supermarket.

Luckily, it was down the 2nd aisle I searched.  Bam!  I even made it back before the checkout lady started scanning our items.

5.) Four way stops are the absolute worst.  Have you ever gotten to a four way stop with all the cars getting there at the EXACT same time and then everyone waves each other on so EVERYONE starts going at the same time and then everyone has to slam on their brakes and curse at each other?  Then repeat the process over and over again?

Four way stops suck.

Until next time…


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Football is Back, So Did It Ever Leave?

August 15, 2011 Randy Neil

Seriously. The powers that are controlling football may very well be the smartest marketing group on the planet. I don’t doubt the lock-out was real. What I doubt is the fear and panic ESPN and the NFL tried to instill in fans and viewers this summer. Was anyone really going to walk away from a multi-billion dollar business?

What they did was genius, though. They single-handedly doubled everyone’s interest in football in a few short months. Now, the commentators and analyst get to say things like, “Now that football’s back” or “Thank God we have football again” like we missed something during the summer.

Fans are grateful for a football season that we all fretted wasn’t going to start until… well… when it normally starts.

With that being said, THANK GOD FOOTBALL IS BACK, THOUGH!!

To start the season right, the NFL gave us the Hall-of-Fame induction ceremony. Deion Sanders, Marshall Faulk, Shannon Sharpe… screw the Hall-of-Fame award, give them Academy Awards! Did you see their award speeches? All of them were over-the-top tear-jerkers that would make any grown man cry. “Whether you hate him or love him, you knew him as…. PRIME TIME.” I suppose I’d be full of myself if I was being inducted into the Hall-of-Fame, too. I just wouldn’t want everyone to cry about it.

David Akers, long time kicker for the Eagles, was traded this year. As the longest active Eagle in football, he wanted to thank all the fans for his time spent in this wonderful city. He rented an entire billboard on I-95 for a month just to say thank you. Well, I’d like to say, “Thank you, David Akers. That, was a super classy gesture.” I wonder what would happen if McNabb pulled something like that when he was traded.

Speaking of classy, I didn’t get much of a chance to bitch about caddy Steve Williams. It’s a funny thing that the media does to people. As Tiger Woods caddy, Williams never discussed anything with the media and often shunned them. After being fired, he became the most vocal person in the world. It’s kind of a double-edge sword though. The media made this a story. They took it and blew it up into something much bigger than it should have been.

Now, I can’t say that Williams isn’t to blame for this, but when the spotlight was shined on him more brightly than ever, he did what any man would do, and talked. It’s tough to remain steadfast in your morals when you find yourself being discussed on national television.

What’s most ironic is how the media turned on the man after the story got so big it imploded upon itself. You can’t ever blame the media, because it’s not a real person. The media is, and always will be, a blameless entity. Were they partially at fault for trying to manifest interest in something that really shouldn’t have been that big in the first place? Probably. It’s remarkable that they can then change the story to, “Steve Williams draws too much attention to himself.” as if that wasn’t their doing in the first place.

The media begged him for his story, and then when he delivered, they scolded him for selfishness and poor timing. Just as they did with Lebron, and countless others, it’s how the story goes.

On the lighter side of things, Bert & Ernie from our beloved Sesame Street released an announcement (again) to the press this week that they were in fact, not gay. A group of people started a petition online to suggest that “the couple” gets married on television to inspire kids and help the cause for same-sex marriages. The Children’s Television Workshop (producers of the characters) then had to release a statement stating that “the two are not homosexual, because they are puppets, and puppets have no sexual-orientation.”

That is hilarious. Whether you’re for or against same-sex marriage, the idea of puppets transforming themselves to any sort of figure for civil rights is comical. My rebuttal to CTW (if I had one) is, “What about Kermit and Ms. Piggy?” Wasn’t she always trying to get with Kermit? Isn’t that sexual orientation? Ugh, I can make an argument out of anything….

Enjoy your football. Til next time folks….


My Hate For Rex Ryan

January 12, 2011 Randy Neil

Well, my play off picks were wrong. Let’s just get that out of the way. The Seahawks upset the Saints as me and Adam ate tasty burgers and chicken sandwiches together. This is great though, because now I get to watch the Marshawn Lynch Sport Science special that’s not only awkward and weird, but also retarded. How did that man get through college?

Then of course, Rex Ryan somehow has his team pull through in the remaining minutes to win, and even though the Colts weren’t covering the spread, I’d still much rather watch Rex Ryan make excuses for why his team didn’t win the Superbowl then watch his face jiggle while running. Now I have to wait another week.

So the Panthers hire Ron Rivera. 1985 Chicago Bear Superbowl playing, 2006 Superbowl coaching, Ron Rivera. I’m no scientist, but that sounds like a formula for a Superbowl next year. Carolina bring it home. He’s also the very first Puerto Rican/Mexican player in the NFL (who said the MLB was behind the curve?) and the second NFL coach with that ethnicity.

And before all you Eagles fans start giving me shit for reppin’ the greatest expansion team of all time, Rivera also used to be the linebacker coach for the Eagles and is credited for basically creating the steroid that is Jeremiah Trotter.

Good for him.

I’m thinking at some point this weekend we’re gonna have this weeks predictions, and let me tell you, if the line for the NY Jets v. New England game could be Patriots -500, I would take it. My hate for Rex Ryan has grown stronger, and with these pussy ass “shit talking” fests that would make Nelly seem proud, I’m praying for a slow painful death for him. Seriously. Calling Brady a dork? Saying the game is personal between the coaches? Why can’t you just talk some shit??

How could you make a man that used to be the most hated coach in the NFL into the cool, calm, collected, almost charismatic good guy? Maybe charismatic was a stretch, but I always like the guy in a fight who’s calm and cool til he goes off on the shit talker. He has Tom Brady, you have Mark Sanchez. Sometimes being tough and dumb works, but not when your up against the arrogant nerd. Just get back in your Ford F-250 diesel with the dual stacks and tell me how much you like fishing. How many more conclusions can I draw from this??

I’d like to think that I admit things I don’t know. One of the things I don’t know, is the NBA. I like it… but I don’t know a thing about it. I was listening to ESPN today, and they seemed surprised that 5 technical fouls were handed out in a mere 10 seconds yesterday. I suppose if 5 players were sent to the box in hockey at once, that might raise a few eyebrows as well… but hey, it’s the NBA we’re talking about. Before I heard the entire story, I simply assumed that some player freaked out and started throwing punches at the opposing team, or maybe even the fans! Turns out the NBA is just a secret society of referees who do as they please, when they please.

And hockey people, I don’t want to even hear it, ok? We all saw the fans fight over the hockey stick Scott Niedermayer was trying to clearly hand to a little girl. That will forever stain the sport.

Aaaaaaand since I like to leave on a good note…