Tag Archive: 2011 nfl draft

Random Thoughts: Pre-Draft Edition

April 28, 2011 Adam Thomas

1.) The Sixers put up a good fight, but the Heat just had too much talent. You know, for a team that shot 57 more free throws in the series, the Heat sure do whine and complain a lot.  Also, I meant to comment on this last week but forgot.  I watched an interview with Wade where he talked about his mother being a drug dealer and at one point he said something like, “When I was three, cops burst into my house and one put his gun to the back of my head and said, ‘Where’s your mother?'”

I’m calling bullshit on that one.  Cops have been known to do some shady stuff, but putting a gun to a 3 year old’s head?  I don’t think so.

Boston seems like they should be able to beat them.  The Heat won’t be able to get rebounds like they did against the Sixers and the foul calls should even out (since the Celtics have stars that the Refs care about protecting as well).

In the end, the Heat were better than the Sixers.  But using the breakfast analogy and tacking on a dunk at the end of the game, that’s why everyone hates these guys.  Not because they are envious of their talent, but because they needlessly act like assholes.

2.) The NFL owners need to stop crying and get back to football.  Look, at the beginning of this whole thing, I was with the owners if only because the players union rep seemed completely inept.  But now, it’s over.  Just move on, we got a draft to focus on!

3.) Speaking of, I think that Von Miller guy is going to be the biggest bust in the draft.  He looks tiny as hell and he just seems like the kind of guy who gets all sorts of buzz and then never does anything.  Tyson Jackson anyone?

4.) Did you know that the most successful pirate of all time was a…wait for it…WOMAN!  Oh.  My.  Gaw.  It’s true!  She was called the Dragon Lady and would do all sorts of nutty stuff like have her crew drink wine laced with gun powder and pay her pirates for each head they brought her, so guys would fight with decapitated heads tied together by their hair and draped over their shoulders.  Also, she married her adopted son (ick) and eventually gained amnesty from the Chinese government, who gave her a crap ton of land and money to stop being a pirate.  At her most powerful, she commanded something like 70,000 pirates spread out across 9 different fleets.  Do work, Dragon Lady!

5.) I’m getting back into all the music I loved in high school: Phish, Grateful Dead, Mothers Magillicutty and it has made me wonder, why in the heck did I ever stop listening to this stuff in the first place?

I’ll be back with post-draft thoughts tomorrow.


Mel Kiper Jr., Spawn of Satan

April 25, 2011 Randy Neil

I felt compelled to write this. For several reasons. 1) I’m a Panthers fan, so the recent draft talk has definitely been a concern of mine. 2) I just saw his “Fast Five” promo on TV and wanted to throw up on myself. 3) I watched this youtube video and it confirmed my suspicions that Mel Kiper Jr. is in fact hated by everyone in the NFL…. except Keith Olbermann…. but that guy’s a douche too… so whatever.

Observe :

I’m desperately trying my best to find that Fast and Furious promo he did, but I’m having some difficulty. I’m upset by this.

My biggest beef with Mr. Kiper (and all draft analysts for that matter) is his ridiculous antics that hold no rhyme or reason. At the end of the NFL season, Cam Newton wasn’t even a top 20 pick on Kiper’s rankings chart. This assessment was decided after 4 years of college tape in real game-time experience. Then, somehow through 1 combine walkthrough, and a Pro Day, Cam Newton was being ranked as the top prospect in the NFL Draft.

For reals? That’s what makes the difference? NOT the years you’ve had to watch him play quarterback in real competitive games?

I caught a glimpse of the Bill Parcells’ draft special on ESPN recently. Now THERE’S a man who knows about the draft and has a valid opinion throughout the NFL community. When he got asked something along the lines of, “Do you think any teams keep Mel Kiper’s draft rankings in their locker before draft time?” Parcells simply responded with a pretty basic “Fuck no. That’s retarded.”

I’m paraphrasing of course, so… I dunno why I used quotes, but whatever….

The point is Mel Kiper Jr. has no more insight on an NFL draft than a newborn infant. He has no place on television and his opinion should never be taken with merit.

How he managed to claim the title “draft expert” is laughable. You know who the experts are? The scouts hired by NFL teams to research the players before the draft. They got the job. Not Mel. Nobody’s banging down Mel’s door to get him a scouting job are they?

I can’t wait til the draft is over so we can have 10 months of relief from his bird-like face.



Random Thoughts

April 22, 2011 Adam Thomas

1.) The Sixers season is over, but I hope they at least win the next game to prolong the series.  We can complain about the foul calls from game one all we want, but the simple fact is that the Heat are a better team. Lebron and Wade just dick around for three quarters, give the Sixers hope and then crush it in the fourth.

I hate them both.  Literally hate them.  At one point in last night’s game, Lebron missed a foul shot, Lou Williams grabbed the rebound and Lebron chest humped him the entire way down the court.  What is a chest hump, you ask?  It’s when you run up to the guy with the ball and lean all of your extremities back except for your chest and then thrust it into the player with the ball. I thought Lou was just gonna dribble the ball into the crowd to avoid Lebron’s chest humps.  Meanwhile the ref just stood their thinking, “Man, Lebron is so dreamy.”  F that guy, I have never wanted anyone to lose and never win a championship more than Lebron. HATE HATE HATE HATE HATE.

2.) Look, I know that I am about 6 months too late, but that song “F you” by Cee Lo is F-ing TERRIBLE.  It may be one of the top ten worst songs I’ve ever heard. And this is from a guy who loves Cee Lo from his Goodie Mob and Perfect Imperfections days.  But man, that song is God awful.  There, I said it.  It had to be said.

3.) Did you know that .5 percent of the entire world population are descendants from Genghis Khan?  That is 16 million people.  Talk about a prolific lover.  Leon Phelps ain’t got nothing on Khan (early 2000’s SNL reference anyone?) Also helping is the fact that one of his sons had 40 sons of his own.

4.) The NFL Draft is coming up and since the Raiders don’t have a first round pick, I haven’t been paying too much attention up until this point. But now, I’m immersed.  Here are some quick hits:

A.) The Panthers selecting Cam Newton will be a mistake.  Take it from a guy who’s team took a great SEC passer instead of a can’t miss receiver in 2007. The parallels between the Panthers in 2011 and Raiders circa 2007 couldn’t be more apparent.  The best player in the draft (arguably) is a WR, then it was Calvin Johnson and now it is AJ Green.  Both teams desperately need an upgrade at receiver.  At the time, Lane Kiffin wanted Johnson in the first and then Trent Green in the second.  That is exactly what the Panthers should do in this draft, even though they would need to trade back into the second round.  I say, draft AJ Green, or hell even Patrick Peterson. Then trade back into the second to get a QB like Colin Kapernick.  OR just stand pat with Jimmy Clausen and draft the can’t miss WR.  Mark my words, Cam Newton will disappoint.

B.) The Eagles should draft Jimmy Smith if they have the chance.  Yes the guy has character concerns, but you also know who has those?  Mike Vick and so far, that has worked out OK. Their secondary sucks (besides Asante) and they could use a guy like Smith who looks like he will be incredible.

C.) The Raiders will trade back into the first round OR they will stay where they are and take a CB or QB.  If they do trade into the first round, their target will be Jimmy Smith, for sheezy.

5.) As a child,  Elizabeth Bathory (aka Bloody Mary) witnessed a gypsy, who had been accused of selling off his children to some Turks, have his whole body, except for his head, sewn into the stomach of a dying horse and then he was left to die.  Holy. Crap. That would suck. Take THAT Human Centipede!

Sorry to leave you on such an uplifting note, but hey, it’s FRIDAY!