Some Helpful Tips for Tiger Woods…
We all watched Tiger Woods crash and burn this weekend, shooting his career worst 18 over par in 72 holes. Bogeys, double bogeys, missing putts from 4-5 yards away, hitting people in the stands…. it was awful to watch.
What’s even sadder is that his scorecard still looked amazingly better than my typical scorecard… but alas, I think I’ve created a couple great tips for him to get ‘his groove back.’
1. Tiger should be able to punch any person spectating the round. – If he truly is the greatest golfer in the world, any fan would be pleased to receive a knuckle sandwedge from the highly tempered phenom. Woods typically get’s upset with himself after swinging a poor shot, which really isn’t the best constructive criticism. Nothing get’s me fired up like a poor swing, and I’d love nothing more than to sometimes lay out the next closest person to me, whether it be an old woman or small child. We’re looking for positive outlets to relieve some aggression… which brings me to idea # 2.
2. Tiger should be able to take breaks in between holes to have wildly aggressive sex. – Two things have changed since his worldwide affair became known and his golf game suffered : He lost the abililty to have sex with his wife, and he lost the ability to have sex with his mistresses. Think about it! Ever since his ‘return’ to golf, he’s not been having the insane porn-star like sex he’s accustomed to. How can the greatest golfer alive be able to concentrate when he’s not performing Hot Trombone’s and Mexican Car Washes??
3. Tiger should be stripped of all his money until he takes 1st in a tournament – Any tournament. Just friggin’ win something. Clearly material goods are getting in the way of his concentration, and we will strip him of everything but his most primative needs, sex and fighting. If I were getting paid millions of dollars to compete, receiving hours of attention, and I didn’t even have to win anything, my drive to win would certainly diminish. Tiger has lost the will to compete simply because he’s already at the finish line in the professional athlete’s world. We must humble him by ridding his lifestyle of the success he’s accustomed to.
Well, that’s my brainstorm. Hopefully someone in Tiger’s camp links him to this site, and he reads what people have been thinking all along. Get yo’ freak on Tiger. Then get back to winning. My universe is upside down…