Fire Jeff Davidson

September 13, 2010 Randy Neil

altWho is Jeff Davidson?  A moron.  The offensive coordinator for the Carolina Panthers (yes, I’m a Panthers fan… bring on the boos) who has to be probably the most idiotic play caller in the history of football.

Hear me out.  Yesterday in Carolina’s loss to the New York Giants (who are supposed to suck, and will suck), the Panthers walked into the locker rooms at half-time up 16-14 after a 19 yard pass to Steve Smith with 7 seconds left.  It was awesome. 

That’s pretty much where the greatness ended, and Carolina’s red zone offense turned into Tom Coughlin’s skin: a big sloppy mushy pale-colored mistake.  

Let me read you the result of each drive the Panthers had after halftime.  Fumble, Punt, Intercepted Pass, Intercepted Pass, Fumble, Punt.

Most notably in the 4th quarter, Jeff Davidson kept calling PASS after PASS even after it’s continuing unsuccessful results.  One drive, with 14 minutes left in the 4th quarter, Davidson calls 14 pass plays in a row.  FOURTEEN!!  We managed to get a 1st and goal on the 4 yard line and instead of using our 2 incredibly talented running backs, Davidson calls 4 pass plays which results in a interception, no points. 

The next two possessions…. a pick and a fumble whilst trying to throw.  Neither drive lasted longer than 2 plays each. 

I’m not gonna defend Jake Delhomme, I simply can’t, but I remember two years ago in the NFC Championship game where Jake threw 5 picks after an insane run of 40+ pass attempts and <10 rushing attempts after being down 1 TD to the Cardinals.  Don't send Matt Moore down the same sad road.

You have 2 of the elite running backs in the game on your team and don’t put the ball in their hands ONCE on the 4 yard line?  2 years ago we were 12-4 with an almost identical roster.  We were 4-1 with Matt Moore in the last 5 games of the season last year.  Stick to what works.  Stick to what has worked.  Run the ball. 

Even the commentators were clowning Davidson’s ass during the game.  Time to give ol’ dirty John Fox the responsibilities. 

Holla.

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Five Reasons to watch Freaks and Geeks

September 7, 2010 Adam Thomas

alt

I recently bought the Freaks and Geeks DVD set and felt
obligated to let everyone know about the awesomeness of the show. If you haven’t
seen it, check it out. Is it time to give 5 reasons why?  It’s time to give 5 reasons why.
(I know I did “Ten Reasons to Watch Mad Men” but I thought most of those reasons were single characters, so I just cut it down to five for this article and included the characters as one category on their own.)

Also, be warned, as there are mild spoilers ahead.

1.) It’s the most honest show about high school you’ll ever
see. Look, I love Friday Night Lights, but some of their sub-plots are
ridiculous (Landry piping some dude in the skull). Freaks and Geeks doesn’t go this
sort of route.  Their characters
dream big and have ideas that are grandiose in theory but end up being
regular in reality.

Take, for instance, when Kim Kelly and Lindsay Weir go
hitchhiking to open up an episode. 
Lindsay is all excited, hoping that they’ll pick up an artist or an
ex-convict, someone interesting who knows more about the world than they do and
can tell them about it, someone like Dean Moriarty from “On the Road,” which
they are reading in class.

What happens? 
They get picked up by a regular suburbanite who shops at Lindsay’s dad’s
sporting goods store and feels “obliged to tell him what you’re up to.” That’s
high school in a nutshell.  You
come up with extravagant plans, awesome ideas, only to be left with ordinary
results. In high school, Jack Kerouac doesn’t wheel you around town, you get a
ride from your neighbor.

(more…)

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The Worst Fantasy Football Draft EVER

September 5, 2010 Adam Thomas

altI just finished a fantasy football draft, and as the title suggests, one of my fellow managers had the worst fantasy football draft I have ever seen.  Instead of waxing poetically about the incredible ineptitude of “Jumping” hows about I just post his draft results?

Round 1: Arian Foster (umm….he did this with the THIRD pick in the draft, but I wasn’t complaining cause MJD slipped to me at 6).

Round 2: LeSean McCoy (possible his sanest pick…and that says something cause the pick this early in the draft is insane).

Round 3: Ronnie Brown

Round 4: Ricky Williams

Round 5: Steve Slaton

Round 6: Matt Leinart (Yes…that Matt Leinart).

Round 7: Kareem Huggins (who?)

Round 8: Glen Coffee (The man who retired to be a Pastor).

Round 9: Patrick Cobbs (WHO?  It’s another MIA RB so, he has the entire Miami backfield).

Round 10: John Skelton (Arizona’s rookie QB)

Round 11: Brandon Minor

Round 12: Keith Toston

Round 13: Brandon Banks (for those not keeping track, he has now drafted 10 Running Backs and Two worthless QB’s)

Round 14: Lynell Hamilton

Round 15: Tristan Davis (ANOTHER MIA Running back.)

Ok, that whole draft had to be a joke…some sort of weird experiment to mess with the rest of us. Let’s look at Jumpings starting line-up, shall we?

QB: Matt Leinart

WR: Brandon Banks

WR: EMPTY

WR: EMPTY

RB: Arian Foster

RB: LeSean McCoy

TE: EMPTY

K: EMPTY

DEF: EMPTY

What is the blue hell happened?  He ended up with 12 RB’s and out of those 12, 4 either didn’t even make their teams or left for the clergy.

Epic Fail?  Epic Fail.

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Nyjer Morgan…PWNED!

September 2, 2010 Adam Thomas

altIf you haven’t seen the video of Nyjer Morgan getting absolutely pwned by Gaby Sanchez’s forearm shiver ala The Narcissist Lex Luger, do yourself a favor and find it.  I would put it on here, but I don’t know how to imbed video so Randal, if you read this, feel free to upload the video. 

The reason this brought music to my morning is the fact that Morgan currently sits atop the list of candidates as the games biggest douche. Even Sugar Ray wannabe frosted tipped forty year olds have nothing on him.  

Just look at that fool.  You would’ve never known that he got his ass handed to him in the brawl, you’d think that he just Clubber Lang-ed a fool.  Instead, the fight was more like a coked up Chiuaua attacking a Golden Retriever and getting blind-sided by a Great Dane. The fact that the entire Marlins team commenced to hop on to get in their licks (get it…dog analogy…nevermind) on Morgan probably speaks to the fact that he is despised by everyone but his mama.

If he isn’t suspended a least a week by MLB, I’d be surprised. 

Goodbye Nyjer Morgan.  I’ll miss you and your delusion.

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The Dumbest Trial in the History of History…

August 31, 2010 Randy Neil

altRogers Clemens entered federal court yesterday to defend the charges against him of lying under oath to congress.  A few years ago, Clemens sat at a congressional hearing and repeatedly said he did not taking performance enhancing drugs, despite several of his colleagues in the same investigation admitting to the wrong doing, and naming Clemens as someone who had taken them as well. 

Clemens is fighting this obvious guilt so much, he’s decided to take it to court and turn this into huge circus.  Now I don’t really believe the government should have ANY business in sports, and certainly shouldn’t be wasting this much time figuring out who’s on the juice, but since they are going forward… let’s go ahead and pick this apart a little bit…

Pretty much everyone who has ever been accused of performancing enhancing drugs has admitted to doing so, and basically has either been forgiven or forgotten.  It’s clear that this should be the passage of any athlete who’s ever been caught cheating.  The media even suggests this.  Mark McGuire was the most recent to do so, and since then, he’s been embraced as the St.Louis Cardinals hitting coach. 

What’s even worse is that Roger Clemens’ former teammate Andy Pettitte is going to testify against him, and Pettitte has already admitted to taking HGH himself.  None of Clemens’s former teammates have his back.  His story is paper thin, but he’s still sticking to his guns.  This sounds reminiscent of the Duke lacrosse stripper rape case.  Basically a stripper accused the entire Duke Lacrosse team of raping her, but even her co-stripper at the time didn’t support her story.  Roger, when your co-stripper doesn’t have your back, your in trouble. 

altAnd what’s with Clemens’s lawyer?  The guy looks like the sheriff from Dukes of Hazzard.  Every press conference the man has makes him sound less and less intelligent.  Clemens has a lot of money, and this is the best he could do?  With a name like Rusty Hardin, you’re never sure what kind of justice your gonna get.  Trials will begin and end with a banjo solo.

What’s sad is that most likely this trial will go forward, it will take a really long time to complete, most of the questions that people have won’t be answered, but they won’t have enough evidence to convict him of lying to congress.  He will probably boast how he told the truth, even though everyone on the face of the planet knows he’s lying, and he’ll just end up looking like more of a dick then he does now.  

There are so many things wrong with this entire trial the list could go on and on… like for example, Roger Clemens’s hair plugs that make him look like a 1998 teen pop icon.  Either way, I can’t wait to see the absurd things that come because of this trial.  As Rusty Hardin would say, “Saddle Up!”

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Asante Samuel Highlights Reel Addition

August 30, 2010 Randy Neil

I was always the guy criticizing Asante Samuel for not hitting hard enough and following through on tackles, but I gotta admit… this thing is pretty dirty :

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The guy, mind you, is 5’8″ 170lb. Dexter McCluster….

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