Get Outta Delaware Park Week 7: Stupid Rodeo Clown

October 21, 2010 Adam Thomas

alt

And that’s that.
The Phillies are done. (And
here is where an older sports writer would insert: Finished. Defeated. Kaputz).

Done in by the hand of a freaking rodeo clown reject. Did
anyone else read that story about Cody Ross not becoming a rodeo clown to
become a major league baseball player?
I didn’t. But I did read
the headline and all I could think of was: This!? This is who we’re losing too!? This!!!!!!?????? A
stupid rodeo clown?

Man oh man, what has happened to our beloved Phillies? Their pitching has been ok, if you can
ignore the fact that our ace pitcher gave up two homeruns to Ross in the exact
same spot and the fact that Cliff Lee is once again showing why he’s the best post-season
pitcher in baseball.

But their hitting.  Oh my
word. My sweet lord.

Chase Utley is shitting all over himself (cue the: He must
be hurt! Apologists. Seriously. Every time this fool goes in a slump, he must be hurt. No. He’s not hurt.
He’s just getting old and right now, he sucks.)

The offense finally gets it together last night and it’s the
relief pitching’s (and Oswalt’s) turn to crap the bed. It’s just one big shit storm out there
and it is really painful, almost awkward, to watch, and we’re talking Sally Draper awkward (which is as
awkward as it gets).

Because deep down, we all love our Phillies, and we know,
KNOW, that they are better than this bunch of ass-bags in San Francisco.

The rodeo clown. Give me a break. I remember in middle school, that guy
G-Love (with special sauce!) had a song about rodeo clowns. Everyone seemed to love it. But it sucked. Well, now we have an even worse rodeo
clown on our hands, one who seems to want it more than any of our boys.

And if we lose to this guy, that is going to sting. I said
if, but I really mean when.
Lincecum pitches today. At
home. Against this struggling
line-up. No-hit complete game
shut-out here we come. I just threw up in my mouth. Fuck the Giants.

Our only consolation will be:

A.) Bud Selig’s worst fears
coming to life and having 3,000 viewers tune in to watch San Francisco take on
the Texas Rangers! Just kidding. It’d be much less than 3,000.

B.) Either the
Rangers or Yankees sweeping the rodeo clown and his band of merry men because
lets face it, what
chance do they have against the Yanks or the Rangers? None. I hate to
say it, but the AL looks a lot better than the NL, in the games I’ve
watched.

But forget all that for now. Let’s tip our bottles of Old E or King Cobra or Steel and
say goodbye to our Phillies. It’s
been a good 4 year run, but now, they’re getting old, Werth is getting paid, Atlanta is getting good
and it won’t be so easy to get back to the NLCS next year. Or the playoffs.

Goodbye Phillies.
You just got t-bagged by a rodeo clown on National TV. Way to go out on top.

On…(sob)….to….(sob)….the….(sniffle)….picks (all out wail-cry)…..

(more…)

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My Nickname is Chooch!

October 18, 2010 Randy Neil

Last night we all witnessed the Phillies destroy the Giants.  The series is tied at 1-1 heading into San Francisco and Cole Hamels is taking the mound for us.  I’m pumped.  After that ridiculous Game 1 loss, I was distraught.

The best part of that entire game last night was the Philadelphia Phillies introducing themselves in the line-up.  Carlos Ruiz in a broken spanglish accent says “My neeeckname es Choooch!!”  It took me a little searching, but I found the video, and some other gems from last night.  Enjoy!

{youtube}Xuf_J_QJRms{/youtube}

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*I also had a video of a fan who threw up on the field ON camera near a foul ball, but MLB found it and destoryed it on youtube…. oh well.

Haha, I don’t know if anyone else noticed last night, but Pat Burrell and Chooch were having words at the plate.  I couldn’t tell if it was good words or bad words or what was even being said, but I can imagine it went something like this :

Pat : Yo Chooch, how’s it going man?  It’s been a long time.

Chooch : Don’t ju talk to me mang.  Aye dunno ju no more holmes.  Pheeeelies for dey life beeetch!

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Get Outta Delaware Park Week 6: The Biggoron Sword

October 16, 2010 Adam Thomas

altHeyo.  I’m a little late posting my picks this week for two reasons.

1.) It’s been crazy at work.  Moreso at my job coaching than my other job writing.

2.) I’ve started playing Legend of Zelda The Ocarina of Time again and that game is the grrrrrrreeeatest game of all time.  No joke.  Look it up.  So yeah, while I’ve been searching for eye drops to get me that Biggoron Sword, I’ve been negelecting my duties here at Theheadrush, and I haven’t been walking my dog or cleaning my cats litter box.  They’re crying, but I ain’t hearing it.  Know why?  Cause I gotta take down that Gerudo fool Gannandorf, that’s why!

But whatever. I’m here and I’m ready to go 14/14.  So hit that Ocarina, hop on Epona, and let’s get to picking.

St. Louis +8.5 Over San Diego (St. Louis plays not terrible at home)

KC +4.5 at Houston

Baltimore -2.5 at new England

Tampa Bay +4 at New Orleans (Wanna know a secret?  New Orleans isn’t that good this year.)

Atlanta +2.5 at Philly

Detroit +10 at NY Giants

Chicago -6 Over Seattle

Miami +3 at Green Bay

Pittsburgh -14 Over Cleveland

NY Jets -3.5 at Denver

Oakland +7 over San Fram (A.) San Fran has to win this week. (B.) Me and my lady just watched The Rock and holy shit is that the best action movie of all time.  Winners go home and fuck the prom queen indeed.  Ed Harris is all sorts of awesome in that.

Minnesota -1.5 Over Dallas

Indy -3 At Washington

Tennessee -3 at Jacksonville

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Brett Favre Hit In Groin

October 14, 2010 Randy Neil

Brett Farve is hit in the groin with a ball during practice earlier this week.  This makes me feel good inside.

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Get Outta Delaware Park Week 5: Historically Wrong

October 7, 2010 Adam Thomas

alt

Ok, so yesterday, I was going to write a
column about how nervous I was for Game 1 of the NLDS, about how Halladay had
never pitched in a big game and how the fact that all the pundits were picking the
Phillies to win it all was a bad omen. I was going to write how I thought the
Phils would lose game 1. Holy
balls was I wrong.

Not just wrong. Historically wrong. Of all the things I have written on
this website that have been wrong, that one would’ve
been a doozy. Glad I was too lazy
to write. See, sometimes
slothfulness is a good thing.

Oh and Orlando Cabrera, eat a dick.  Just admit that you got f-ing pwned on national TV and take it like a man. Saying that Halladay and the ump deserved the no-hitter was a class act. I guess I came to expect more from my Orlandos (i.e. Bloom and Jordan.)

Anyway, I have a wedding to attend on Saturday down in Asheville, NC and I gotta leave tomorrow morning before the cock crows so I am a little distracted by getting everything in order before I leave.  That’s the excuse, anyway, for this
column being short. Onto the
picks!

Denver +7 AT Baltimore

Jacksonville PK Over Buffalo
(Classic letdown for the Jags?)

KC Chiefs +8 AT Indianapolis

Detroit -3 OVER St. Louis

Atlanta -3 At Cleveland

Tampa Bay +6 AT Cincinnati

Carolina +2.5 OVER Chicago (This
is if the Bears have no Cutler.
Clausen looks better than terrible)

Washington +2.5 OVER Green Bay
(Packers always let teams back in it to cover)

Houston -3 OVER NY Giants

New Orleans -6.5 OVER Arizona

San Diego -6 AT Oakland (Chargers
start the season slow and then get it together? That NEVER happens!)

Tennessee +6.5 AT Dallas

Philly +3.5 OVER San Fran

Minnesota +4 OVER NY Jets

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Let the Firings Begin!!

October 4, 2010 Randy Neil

altThere are a lot of differences between football and baseball, but one that stands out so particularly this Monday is how each sport replaces their players and coaches.  In football, the window of success is much smaller, and results are expected so much quicker that often players lose their jobs sometimes mid-game.  Just look at the Arizona Cardinals.  In one month, the team has gone to their 3rd quarterback after losing faith in Matt Leinart and Derek Anderson (how could that possibly happen?) and made one of those switches mid game yesterday.  Baseball however, does the exact opposite.

Today the Mets finally fired their general manager Omar Minaya and manager Jerry Manuel.  Yesterday was the last day of the regular season.  After 4 unsuccessful seasons and 2 very notable play-off run collapses, the organization finally said goodbye to two leaders that were obviously incapable of running any team. 

The best (sarcasm) decision I ever saw Minaya make was signing K-Rod (Francisco Rodriguez) after he clearly reached his professional peak with the Angels, and cutting Billy Wagner after he needed surgery which would put his career on hiatus.  Billy Wagner is now closing for the Braves.  37 saves this season with a 1.43 ERA and 104 strikeouts to 22 walks.  K-Rod… is now in fighting charges of beating up his girlfriend.  Obviously it was hard to guess that in 2008, but I’m a blogger, I don’t concern myself with those things.  I live in the now.

The Pittsburgh Pirates, a team renown for poor managing decisions, finally fired their manager as well just minutes after the Mets did.  John Russell led the team to a 105 loss season this year, and overall having 299 losses in 3 seasons.  To be fair, the Pirates don’t really have the talent the Mets do, but it takes you 3 seasons to figure out this guy sucks?  There’s 162 games each year.  

You know who SHOULD be fired?  Bruce Bochy, the manager of the Padres.  Matter fact, fire all the Padres, except Matt Stairs (he’s epic.)  They had a huge lead in the NL West this summer, a meager lead in September, and then NOTHING in October.  They had a chance for glory by tying the Giants in the NL West for an epic play-off game yesterday, but like the lead in their division, that fell to pieces as well.  Note to San Diego : Pay your players.  You guys are the 2nd lowest paid team in the NL, and in September, it shows. 

Ugh… I just sounded like Jim Rome there didn’t I?

Matt Stairs for president.

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