Get Outta Delaware Park Week 10: Look into Anne Frank’s Eyes

November 11, 2010 Adam Thomas

Ah, crap.  I didn’t want to do this column today but then I remembered: There is a Thursday night game.  Gah! What the F, NFL?  Now I have Thursday night fantasy football anxiety AND Sunday morning fantasy football anxiety?  What are you trying to do to me?

Do I start Flacco, who plays tonight, or Mike Vick, who I just got via trade? I’m leaning towards Vick, but man, I have a gut feeling that Flacco is going to light it up.

Some other random thoughts before I get on to the picks (oh and by the way, I murdered the picks last week, going 9-3-1…the 1 push of course was the last team on my three team tease so I am still 0-9 on those).

The Walking Dead: After talking it up big in week one, week two was a disaster.  From the random racist guy to the pointless introduction of characters who will no doubt only be used as Zombie fodder, I thought they really dropped the ball after a strong debut.

Here’s a tip if you ever find yourself in the zombie apocalypse and need to forage for supplies: Don’t bring the sexist, crazy racist guy along with you, especially when you have some minorities and a few women-folk along for the ride.

Also, don’t leave that racist to die handcuffed to a pipe on the top of a building when they are one of the cast’s most notable stars: Michael Rooker from Cliff Hanger and Mall Rats fame. Odds that he escapes the handcuffs and goes after T-Dog?  About a zillion to one.

Oh and by the way, if I were going to have an African-American character and needed to make him as inauthentic as possible, you know, come up with a name that people would hear and think, “Yeah, a white dude probably came up with that,” T-Dog would surely be at the top of the list.  T-Dog?  T-DOG!!!?  Are you kidding me?   That’s like introducing a British white guy named Arthur.  Just terrible.

And I liked the cop’s partner in the season opener, but now he just seems like the worst partner in the history of the world, coupled with the worst wife in the history of the world.  My partner’s in a coma?  Eh, what the hell, lets shack up with his wife.  The people who went to get supplies are in trouble?  Eh, they’re dead.  Forget em, let’s not even try to help.  What a jackass.

Here’s to hoping they rebound with a strong week 3.

It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia: Ok, I have been hard on Sunny this year…but I’m starting to think that this season is kind of mirroring the San Diego Chargers season.  Starts slow, everyone worries, and then BAM comes back with authority!  Everyone wrote off the Chargers even though they start slow every year, and I wrote off Sunny after two out of the first three episodes were painfully bad.  But man, that Halloween episode was the bees knees.

Having Sweet Dee appear as an ostrich in Mac’s flash back was comic gold, as was Mac yelling “Viggo Mortenstein!” Before punching that girl.  This week’s episode has Sunny’s interpretation of Lethal Weapon with Mac playing Danny Glover.  Sounds like a winner.  Let’s hope they deliver.

Bill Green: Did anyone else spit out their Cinnamon Toast Crunch watching Sportscenter the other morning and seeing Bill Green being featured in the highlight, leading the Hornets to another victory?  I felt like the old farmer in Roadhouse watching sweaty Pat Swayze do shirtless Tai Chi in the back yard by the river: uncomfortable and questioning almost everything I’d ever known to be right and true.

The Social Network: Oh. My.  Gawd. This movie has a 100% fresh rating with the top critics over at Rotten Tomatoes. 100%!  Was it good?  Sure, but it wasn’t Casablanca or The Bridge On the River Kwai. In fact, I’d give it a rewatchability rating of about 10%.  I have no desire to see it again. Those twins creeped me out. I’m glad I saw it, but man, can we all calm down with anointing all these average movies great?

OK, I just went over to Rotten Tomatoes and that new movie with Denzel and the guy from Star Trek, basically Speed on a train, has a 90% fresh rating with top critics.  I don’t know if we should be trusting critics anymore.  Anyone else see Denzel’s wife get bowled over in the end zone after his son scored a touchdown?  Comic gold.

On to the picks!

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Get Outta Delaware Park Week 9: Politics!

November 5, 2010 Adam Thomas

I hate election day.  This year’s sucked worse than most.

I got the day off this year (yea!!!!) but instead of getting to sit around all day in my pajamas and play Tony Hawk Pro Skater 2 on N64 or “read” (aka watch my WWE The Rock: The Most Electrifying Man in Sports Entertainment DVD), I had to get my lazy ass up to Wilson Elementary school to vote in an election where all I knew was who I didn’t want to win.  I didn’t care who won, as long as this individual lost, I’d know that I’d done my part.

So I get there, and I gotta ask, what is up with the people at the polling station?  It’s either A.) someone very, very, very old or B.) some angry chick in army boots, flannel and black eyeliner who looks like she’d rather be smoking a cigarette and listening to Slanted and Enchanted (you know, cause it’s sooooo much better than Crooked Rain, Crooked Rain).

At least, that’s what it was like at Wilson.  I imagine at other places there could’ve been middle-aged women in hand knitted sweaters and bald, sweaty men in collared shirts and clip-on ties.

But alas, this is a sports blog, right?  So let’s get down to it!  After a few more rants…

Acid Reflux: F-You!  I’ve had acid reflux for about 3 week now and I can tell you this, you better pray that you never get it. Waking up in the middle of the night multiple times feeling like you’re going to puke is only half of the fun that you get when you get diagnosed with this little illness.

Let me run down the foods I’ve had to avoid for the past 3 weeks: French Fries, ground beef, chicken nuggets (NOOOOOOOOO), buffalo wings, sour cream, liquor (double NOOOOOOO), wine, coffee, chocolate, donuts…Pizza!   You get the idea.

Yesterday all I had to eat was a bagel in the morning and then 3 bowls of oatmeal. Yippee. The lack of coffee also gave me a no-caffeine headache the likes I haven’t seen since I stopped smoking cigarettes.  So that was awesome too.

Bottom line: acid reflux, please go away.

The Walking Dead: What an awesome premiere.  Is there anything AMC can’t do?  Mad Men, Breaking Bad and now a show about zombies.  Bad-ass.  I’m not including Rubicon because the main character’s hair pisses me off too much to be able to take the show seriously.  Someone get that man a damn comb!

Anyway, the Walking Dead had about as good of a premiere as you can have, and with Sons of Anarchy still spinning its wheels (get it?) with the boys trying to find Jax’s stupid baby, I’m betting that this becomes the best drama of the fall.

The League: Which brings me to the best comedy on TV right now, The League.  It used to be known as that show that comes on after It’s Always Sunny, but with Sunny mailing it in this season, Sunny is now the show I have to sit through in order to get to this gem.

Actually, I don’t have to sit through it at all cause it’s on too late for me anyway so I just stay a week behind and watch it on On Demand. But do yourself a favor and watch The League.  You won’t regret it.

Anytime you have a character whose the designated driver talking about pooping out the alcohol to sober up, or one talking about that “horror” movie with Don Cheadle where they hack off each others arms in a hotel, you’ve got comic gold.

But enough of that nonsense, on to the picks!

Buffalo +3 vs. Chicago (Chicago is not good.  They just were good at the beginning of the year but have sucked for quite some time now.  Buffalo gets their first win of the season here)

San Diego -3 at Houston (OK, Houston came out big in week one but haven’t done much since.  Sure they’ve beaten up on the AFC West all season, but San Diego looks to be turning it on late like they always do and I think they get it done here)

New Orleans -6.5 at Carolina (F you Jonathan Stewart!  If you’re like me, you started him in fantasy last week cause he was going up against the Rams D, and like me, you were cursing him by half time because he had 11 yards. What happened to Carolina’s run game?  God it’s atrocious)

Arizona +9 at Minnesota (Man, what a terrible game this is.  And Minnesota, what in the blue hell were you thinking trading for Randy Moss only to cut him 3 weeks later?  Genius.  But hey, Chilly did draft Peterson, Sidney Rice and Percy Harvin so lets cut him some slack, shall we? He also looks like a HUGE nerd.  How is that man supposed to garner respect in that locker room?  He looks like guys Brett Favre gave swirlies to in high school)

Tampa Bay +8.5 at Atlanta  (This has to be a joke. Tampa Bay is one of the best teams in the NFC and they are 8.5 pt dogs?  What kind of crazy trap is Vegas setting up for us this time?)

Detroit +4 vs. NY Jets  (I originally had the Jets, but had to change it.  I like this Lions team. I like Stafford, Best, Suh and don’t even get me started on the awesomeness of Megatron.  Why hasn’t anyone taken up the nickname of the coolest Decepticon of them all: Soundwave?  Maybe cause kids these days are bred on the lame live action Transformers and not the badass one where Optimus Prime has the touch and the powwweeeeerrrrrrrrr …………..YEAH!)

Miami +5.5 at Baltimore (I think I have picked Miami every game this year)

Cleveland +4.5 vs. New England (Cleveland comes out all amped up, New England, not so much. I do predict return TDs by Brandon Tate and Cribbs in this bad boy…at least, I hope so for fantasy purposes)

NY Giants –6.5 vs Seattle (OK, Seattle got tea-bagged by the Raiders last week, but if the ball bounced their way on at least two of those plays, they would’ve been in the game.  Seattle plays better at home, but without Golden Tate, and with Charlie Whitehurst starting, I dunno if they can cover this bad boy)

KC +2.5 at Oakland (Alright, I have to pick KC for two reasons: 1.) I always pick against the Raiders.  2.) The away team wins this Oak/KC matchup 99% of the time and 3.) I am scared shitless about this game!  It’s like a midway point playoff matchup.  KC wins, they go 3 up on the division.  Oakland wins, they are ½ game back.  Gah!  That’s why I’ll be taking my lady to see the Social Network and then dinner on Sunday afternoon at 4:15 p.m., so I can just try to forget that this game is happening)

Philly -3 vs. Indy (Why do Eagles games start at 4:15?  Weird.  Most people will take Indy, but for some reason, I like me the Eagles especially if D-Jackson is back.  It seems almost too easy to take Indy, making me think I’ll try to avoid this trap and go with the Iggles)

Green Bay -8 vs. Dallas  (Man, Dallas…what the hell happened to you? At least they’ll have a top ten pick and no Wade Phillips next year!)

Pittsburgh -5 at Cincy  (Must I say it again?  Cincy sucks and Carson Palmer is trash.  Go with Pitt, who’ll be out for blood after losing to dem Nahleans Saints)

Three team tease: Tampa, Buffalo and San Diego

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I Love Randy Moss!!!

November 2, 2010 Randy Neil

Haha, what a debacle. Randy Moss is slipping into insanity in the public eye so well it would make Martin Lawrence jealous. Just yesterday he was cut from the Minnesota Vikings after signing with them just a mere month ago.

Yahoo! speculates it’s because he weirded everyone out at a recent team meal. Apparently the dinner was catered by a local company, and Moss was incredibly vocal with insults towards the event staff. According to witnesses, he kept yelling insults towards the catering staff, refusing to eat, and isolated himself from his teammates.

“Damn, this some good ass cheese…. how come you didn’t tell me how good the cheese was???”

Then of course, after the game, he digs himself a bigger hole by refusing to answer questions at his media press conference. He was fined for not talking to the media the week prior, so, I guess he didn’t get the message. Wearing a Boston hat, he commends the Patriots (former team) for beating the Vikings (current team) and basically publicly announces his regret for leaving the Patriots.

Best part of the interview is when he informs the reporters that he will no longer be answering questions to the media for the rest of the season, and instead suggests that he will ask himself questions, and then answer them. Yea… that’s how that usually works right?

Worst part is, now that he’s on waivers, the next teams to take a look at him are the Bears and Redskins. There’s also some speculation that the Titans may try to grab him off of waivers as well. This is better than Maury Povich.

Anyone who talks shit to the media constantly and owns a NasTruck is fine with me. Go get em Randy!

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Get Outta Delaware Park Week 8: Evan Turner Ain’t Ever Scared!

October 28, 2010 Adam Thomas

alt

Ok, so the Sixers kicked off the 2010-11 NBA season
yesterday with a predictable loss to the Heat.
What wasn’t predictable? Evan
Turner played like a stud. Look at this
stat line: 16 pts on 7-10 shooting, 7 rebounds and 4 assists. And he did this with Lebron James and Dwyane
Wade guarding him all night. In his NBA debut. Narsty.

Turner played the way we all want Iguodala to play: hungry,
aggressive and simply not scared at all of anybody.

Iggy played like he always does: scared, content to shoot
jumpers, lethargic. He’ll be traded this season to clear cap space and bring in
a shooter, which the Sixers need.

So everyone so quick to call Turner a bust before he even stepped on an NBA court for a regular season game can sit
down. Even Bill “I wrote a 700+ page book on basketball you know” Simmons has jumped off that bandwagon.

And why did that bandwagon ever get rolling?  Cause he had a bad summer league?  Turner played well in the pre-season, but nobody seemed to notice.  Now, people will notice.  Turner is a baller, and let’s hope that he continues to get better.

One other thing about last night: The Heat don’t look to be
THAT good. What would scare me if I were
a Heat fan is that they were up by about 26 in the 4th quarter,
their reserves came in, and the game quickly became interesting, with Philly clawing its way back into the game. In fact, the Sixers would have cut it to 5
had it not been for a charging call on Sweet Lou Williams. So when the Big
Three should’ve been resting, they had to come back in to ensure the
victory. Against our lowly Sixers.

This is game 2 of an 80+ game season. If the starters can’t get rest now, when will
they? And let’s not forget, Wade is not
exactly the poster child of durability.
He has already been nicked up in the pre-season and I bet he misses some
time during the season because of some injury.

My guess: The Heat wear down in the playoffs and don’t even
make it to the Eastern Conference Finals.
That’s right. You heard it here first.
I’m not sure who will (Magic, Celts, Bulls?), but I just don’t think the Heat have the depth to
do it.

Oh and Lebron James is still a delusional asshole. Have you seen that latest commercial? Who the F thought that was a good idea?

So good debut, Turner.
As soon as Jrue wakes from his summer slumber, we’ll have a good young
nucleus. Keep it up and try to get the
Sixers above 35 wins.

On to the picks!

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Which Trilogy is Better?

October 26, 2010 Adam Thomas

altOk, so to get my mind off of the Phillies failure, the Raiders went out and historically curb stomped those dirty Denver Donkeys.  Yea!!!  But unfortunately, that euphoria didn’t last and as the reality of the Giants/Rangers world series (Ugh, I just threw up in my mouth) set in, I realized that I needed a little pick me up.  My pick me up of choice?  Taco night with a side of that Nic Cage classic:  Face/Off!  And wow, I was not disappointed.

As far as acting goes, I don’t think it gets any worse than Travolta and Cage in Face/Off.  Both are just trying to show that they’re better than their counterpart and both fail spectacularly.

Also, early in the face-change process, the doctor explains to Travolta (now Cage) that they have to insert a microphone into his throat to make him sound like the vile Castor Troy.  His actual words are something to the extent of: This mic is very sensitive, even a bad sneeze will dislodge the microphone from your throat. Cut to twenty minutes later and fake Castor Troy is engaged in a battle of mortal combat against the guy who played Frank Sobotka from Season 2 of The Wire.  Wouldn’t the mic be dislodged after being tossed around the room like a rag doll and punched 10000 times in the face?  Nope.  I guess getting throat chopped isn’t worse than a sneeze.  Also, what’s up with that prison that they go to?  It must have cost one trillion dollars and it’s on a oil rig in the middle of the ocean?  It doesn’t make any sense!

But I’m getting off topic. The real reason I am writing this post is to pose a question to our loyal Headrush audience.

As many of you know, Face/Off was part of what can be called “The Cage Trilogy” which is rounded off by “The Rock” and “Con Air” respectfully. Now, there is also another trilogy that is close to my heart known as “The Swayze Trilogy” which is made up of “Red Dawn,” “Road House,” and “Point Break.”

So my question to you all is, which is better?  The Cage Trilogy or the Swayze Trilogy?  Personally, I think that it goes like this:

The Rock vs. Point Break is a push.  I can’t choose which one I like better out of these two.  They are both incredibly re-watchable, with equally ridiculous plots, and equally hammy performances from Keanu Reeves and Nic Cage’s hair plugs.

Road House vs. Con Air.  Man, another tough call.  But I think Roadhouse has to get the nod here.  Sure Con Air has Cyrus the Virus and Nic Cage’s southern accent, as well as quotes like: “Sorry boss, there’s only two people I trust.  One of em’s me, the other’s not you.”  But you can’t beat Roadhouse for its over the top absurdity, its incredible amount of unbeknownst (or beknownst?) homo-eroticism, Sam Elliott and Swayze’s pull your throat out of your neck finishing move.

Face/Off vs. Red Dawn.  This is the only easy call for me.  Red Dawn all the way.  Soviets and Nicaraguans (sp?) invade Colorado.  Haha, sign me up.  They’re remaking this movie.  It’s like re-painting the Mona Lisa.  You can’t improve on perfection.  Leave it alone.  For all the fun of Face/Off, it takes itself a little too seriously and it is wayyyyy to long which hurts its re-watchablity factor.

Anyway, enough of what I think.  How say you?  Swayze or Cage?  Have at it in the comments section.

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Don’t Ever Throw the Ball Back

October 24, 2010 Randy Neil

So that’s it.  Let it sink in.  The Phillies baseball season is over.

Every single game was a nail biter, every game had waaaaaaay more runners in scoring position than usual, and every game had almost all of them stranded.

A startling fact was presented to me earlier in this series: at the end of this year, every starting Phillies player will be 30 or older.  I think this is an inevitable sign of the downhill path the Phillies have ahead of them, and the sad sad future we have ahead of us.

Maybe I’m just in a terrible mood because of this loss, and because it came at the hands of Cody Ross makes it even worse.  God I hope he dies.

The only person I’m TRULY upset with on the Phillies is Chase Utley.  Chase you fucked us.  Not only did you fuck us with the bounty of errors you decided to make, including one simple grounder HIT BY THE PITCHER that you simply whiffed that led to 2 runs being able to score, tying the game and so forth, but your one move yesterday destroyed our chances.

You threw the ball back?  Dude, you thew the ball back.  Normally, I’d be in true favor of something like this, letting it ignite the emotions of the teams, clearing the benches and so on, but I really feel this is what fucked us.

After Chase Utley got hit in the back, 2 men were on, no outs.  Sanchez was clearly losing his control, that hit wasn’t intentional.  The Giants were warming up people in the bullpen and the Phillies had a chance to break the game open.  But then, Chase coincidently had the ball drop in front of him, he grabbed it, threw it back, and pissed off Sanchez.

Sanchez takes some time now to talk shit, the benches clear, and guess what’s happening all the while?  The Giants are continuing to warm up their bullpen.

By the time this was all said and done, it was obvious to even the smallest, least intelligent child that Sanchez was now in no position to pitch.  His emotions had taken over, so Bochy takes him out of the game, throws Affeldt in the game, and the momentum is spoiled.

Ryan Howard strikes out.  Jayson Werth flies out.  Victorino grounds out.

2 men on, 0 outs prior to that.  Sanchez was going to be destroyed, and with a simple flip of the ball, Chase Utley made what was supposed to be a slight inclination into a full blown fact.

Chase I don’t know if it was the horse tranquilizers you were taking, or the fact that Jayson Werth is in fact banging your wife, but you made so many errors this series, it’s going to be hard to wear your jersey again.

It’s been a great year Phillies, and even if this is where the road ends, I’m still pretty god damn happy with what we accomplished.  And by we, I mean you.

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