It’s the Return

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To quote my friend Big B from one of his brilliant 1999 back yard wreslting promos: “He’s Back! He’s BACK! Oooooooooh Lord HE’S BACK!”

Fresh off an awesome wedding and an absolutely perfect honeymoon to Costa Rica, it’s time to do some NFL Picks!  By the way, quick aside, if you’re going to make a trip any time soon, I cannot recommend Costa Rica highly enough. You can use American dollars, you can get by with your crappy 8th grade Spanish (actually, I took two semesters in College…but, yeah, I didn’t really pay that much attention to it), and it is probably the most beautiful country I have ever seen. One minute you’re on the beach, then you’re in the rain forest, then you’re at the foot of a volcano.  And that’s all in the same day.  It’s nuts!

I read the Rum Diary by Hunter S. Thompson on vacation and let me tell you, that book is very, very re-readable.  It also falls completely apart at the end, but that’s neither here nor there. I saw the trailer for the movie and it looks kinda like the book, but kinda not. I guess the Fear and Loathing in Vegas movie was SO true to the book that it didn’t do very well at the box office so the studio probably had them re-arranging everything.  Oh well, should be an OK movie if it has Depp doing his impression of Thompson that he has never really stopped doing (except for Finding Neverland). And if you haven’t read it yet, check out the Rum Diary. You can literally read it in a day.

Also, and a shameless plug, if you happen to visit the Guancaste region, I recommend looking up Shaman Tours. They took us around everywhere and were incredibly friendly and knowledgeable about the country. Our tour guides were Randall and Marci and they were awesome.  We went horse back riding (Horses are F-ing CRAZY! I do not recommend getting on a horse any time soon if you value your life), zip lining and tubing down some rapids (class 2, nothing too, too scary but still fun).

Another thing, if you’re going to go, go to the Guanacaste province in early September. It’s supposed to be the rainy season in Costa Rica, but it’s actually the dry season in Guanacaste.  So the tourists (like me and Stef) were at a minimum and nothing was too crowded.  One last plug, if you stay in Playa del Coco (like we did), check out La Puerta del Sol.  It’s a nice cozy motel that we had all to ourselves for the better part of a week.  They cooked eggs, beans and rice, ham and had fresh mango and pineapple every morning for breakfast as part of our fee, and oh boy was it simply DIVINE!

But enough plugs!  Let’s get to the games! (All Lines from Footballlocks.com. Home team in CAPS, and my picks are the team on the left).

CINCY -2.5 over 49ers

New England -7 at BUFFALO (Look, this game is going to be 300-292, mark my works).

NEW ORLEANS -4 over Houston (I was in the Miami airport watching the Texans Dolphins game last week and I was not impressed by the Texans.  But, then again, I was in a rage over the Raiders 2nd half collapse to the Bills so….there’s that.)

NY Giants +8.5 at PHILLY (If I were on the Giants, I would smack Vick on the head every time I went past him. Also, to beat the Eagles, all you have to do is run right into the middle of their terrible defensive front. I can foresee Jacobs and Bradshaw getting 200 yards combined.  They are both healthy, right? I just got back, I’M OUT OF THE LOOP!)

Miami +2.5 at CLEVELAND (I don’t know. Also, I listen to Dave Dameshek’s podcast a lot, and he always brings up this point: Why does the Dolphin on the Miami Dolphins helmet not wear a Miami Dolphins helmet? He wears a helmet with an “M” on it.  Who ARE these M’s that he plays for? And why doesn’t he play for the Dolphins? It is very, VERY weird.)

TENNESSEE -6.5 over Denver

Detroit -3.5 at MINNESOTA (I’m starting Stafford over Vick this week.  I dunno if this is smart or not. In fact, I am having a terrible start to the fantasy season. I’m 0-2 or 1-1 in all my leagues for money.  Let’s get this thing turned around, shall we, boys?)

CAROLINA -3.5 over Jacksonville. (Cam Newton has looked great, but it’s still early.  Now, I am eating about one leg of that crow I deserve, but the rest of it is still on the plate. If you haven’t noticed, these scores have been INSANE this season, and I think (or rather NT pointed out to me) that it’s because defenses haven’t had all off-season to get prepared, and it’s easier for offenses to pick up where they left off. If Cam is doing this in Week 14, then I will eat my crow).

KC +14.5 over San Diego (cause everyone is picking the Chargers).

OAKLAND +3 over NY Jets (Man, it’s hard to pick this game. I think the Raiders cover, but I think the Jets win the game on some last minute FG or weird play that makes the score something like Jets 23, Oak 21.)

Baltimore -4 at ST. LOUIS (Remember when Randy picked St. Louis to win the Super Bowl? Good times)

TAMPA BAY -1.5 over Atlanta (The Falcons have to be better than they are playing, right? I think so.  But I also think TB wins this game)

Arizona +3.5 at SEATTLE (Obligatory reference to how bad the NFC West is)

CHICAGO +4 over Green Bay

Pitt -10.5 over INDY (My friend Bob tried to bitch and moan that he had Peyton Manning on his fantasy team.  I then reminded Bob that he didn’t even show up for the draft and his team was auto-picked by the computer. If you don’t want Manning on your team, show up for the draft, Robert.)

Washington +5 at DALLAS

Let’s see how I do, remembering that I have only seen one half of the Texans/Dolphins game and one half of the Eagles/Falcons game.  Until next time…or as Hunter S. would say, Sala.