Grab Yourself a Can of Pork Soda

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Can anybody name the band that can claim the above lyric/album title?

I just had some delicious pork for lunch (that’s about the 5th time in a two-week span that I’ve gorged myself with pork) and I gotta say, it was good stuff. I wasn’t really going to write anything until tomorrow, but whatever, I figure I’ll get some of it out of the way now while I have this Red-Bull pork in me.

1.) The Raiders hosted free agent linebacker Philip Wheeler from the Colts yesterday and I really want them to sign this guy.  Why?  Not cause he is a great football player but because he tweeted this on his way out to Oakland: “Man, the lady seated in front of me’s eyeball is like 95% pupil. No white. Cornea to sclera ratio is F’d up.Shawty gotta be a vampire.”

Holy goodness that is hilarious. “Cornea to sclera ratio” I didn’t even know what a sclera was so I had to look it up. Turns out it’s the white of the eye. So not only is that a funny tweet, it’s a very informative one as well. Reggie: Sign this man!

2.) If I win the lottery tonight, there are three things that I want to buy with the money: a.) A new drum set b.) part of the Raiders c.) Fenwick Island, but install a draw bridge or a toll of some sort where folks who wish to pass through to OC Maryland will have to pay homage. I will also re-open Libby’s, put the horse back out front, and make there be free butter mints and licorice string at the Country Store. Eeek, that last part kinda sounded like Neverland Ranch. Ok, scrap the free candy, but keep the open Libby’s and the toll.

3.) Andrew Luck just seems kinda goofy to me. Don’t get me wrong, Robert Griffin is goofy too, but he is goofy in a cool way. He wears Barney socks, as someone who used to wear wrist bands with Patrick from Spongebob Square Pants on them, I can relate to that. Andrew Luck is goofy in a Sloth from Goonies type of way. And that ain’t good. Next time you see him interviewed, just picture him saying “Rocky….Road!” And you’ll know what I’m talking about.

By the way some quick trivia for you: Sloth was played by…wait for it…none other than John Matuszak of The Oakland Raiders!  He helped them win two Super Bowls. That’s why Sloth wears a Raiders shirt in the movie.

4.) Enough Raiders talk.  Let’s focus on the best part of April: The NFL Draft!  Since I successfully predicted Von Miller being a bust last year, I’d like to start off with 2 sure fire predictions:

A.) Trent Richardson will be drafted in the top 10 and it will be a mistake. Look, you can get running backs from ANYWHERE. Taking one in the first round makes no sense. The best RB in the NFL right now (Arian Foster) wasn’t even drafted. So yeah, don’t do it Tampa Bay or Cleveland or St. Louis. Actually, I don’t really care what you do.

B.) Stephon Gilmore is not a first round draft pick. I don’t watch a lot of college football, but I watch a lot of South Carolina. And this fool seemed to be burned every second I watched him play. Now he is being considered the 2nd best CB in the draft? Wha?  What TAPE are these guys watching?

5.) By the way, shouldn’t they stop saying “Tape?” Do NFL teams really still use VCR’s to watch “Game Tape?” I have heard it be referred to more and more as “film” and I think that is more appropriate.

6.) I am very excited about the announcement that there will be an Anchorman 2. I remember in College me and my roommate absolutely LOVED that movie and quoted it non-stop. Then we got a little too carried away and bought some scotch just so we could say, “I love Scotch! Scotchy scotch scotch! Here it goes down, down into my belly!” while drinking it, and we took one sip and realized that scotch was F-ing terrible.

7.) Speaking of Anchorman quotes, Donovan McNabb, why don’t you sit the next couple of plays out.

8.) I watched “Your Highness” on NT’s request yesterday and I have got to say: it wasn’t as bad as I thought it’d be. And the part where they visit the Wise Wizard had me in tears. The whole thing might have been worth it just for the trip to the Wise Wizard.

That’s all I got. Until next time….oh and if you said Primus for the band above, then bully to you.