Get Outta Delaware Park Week 3: Because I’m Trapped!
After an abysmal Week One, I went 8-8 last week. Which means that I am getting
better! Or at least, getting
average. The worst part about
these picks is that for the last two weeks, I’ve gotten two outta three right
on the three team tease, which is a lot like kissing your sister, it’ll give
you something to do, but it won’t getcha anywhere. Jared Allen over there knows what I’m talking about. On to week three!
NY Giants -3 AT Tennessee. I still love that Tennessee
defense. That Tennessee
offense? Eh…not so much. And paging Chris Johnson! For the love of God, man, show the F
up!
New England -14 OVER Buffalo. Do I even have to explain
it? Buffalo sucks.
Cleveland +10.5 AT Baltimore. Joe Flacco looks awful. I
picked him and Kevin Kolb in Randy’s fantasy league where if you don’t have a QB, your
basically screwed. I’m screwed.
Pittsburgh -2.5 AT Tampa Bay. Chaz Batch, welcome back to life. I remember I saw Redman
rocking a Detroit Chaz Batch jersey in a rap video once. I wanted one. I got one. It
now is collecting dust in my basement.
Cincinnati -3 AT Carolina. How is this line only 3? Carolina sucks. I’m
sorry, Randy, but they’re God awful at everything. But then again, I guess so is Carson Palmer.
Atlanta +3.5 AT New Orleans. I think the Saints win with a last second field goal. Thus, go with dem dirty birds.
San Francisco -3 AT Kansas City. KC has a great home field advantage, but I think this is the
week San Fran gets on the board.
By the way, while we’re on San Francisco, allow me to point
this stat out:
Michael Crabtree: 3 receptions, 44 yards
Darrius Heyward-bey: 7 receptions, 91 yards.
BOOOOOOOOOM! My
point? Both numbers aren’t great,
but last year everyone made such a big deal about how much better Crabtree was
than Heyward-Bey, that it feels unfair that nobody is pointing out that thus
far into 2010, Heyward-Bey has been a better receiver than Crabtree. Eat a dick you vengeful pundits! Double receptions, double yards. Get off his jock.
Detroit +11.5 AT Minnesota. Is this another trap?
Favre looks terrible and old and he’s a prick. Detroit looks young and feisty and they’re loveable
underdogs.
Houston -3 OVER Dallas. ANOTHER trap?
What in God’s name is going on here? I guess Houston only gets three cause it’s a “must win” for
the Cowboys, but who in their right mind thinks that Dallas is a better team
than Houston?
Washington -3.5 AT St. Louis. Trap?
Philadelphia -3.5 AT Jacksonville. We all remember what happened last time the Eagles played in
Jacksonville. Actually, they may
have played there since losing the Super Bowl. I can’t remember and am too lazy to do research. How about
the Philly Daily News declaring Vick to be “Top Dog” again? Stay classy Philly Daily News. That’s
about the dumbest headline decision ever.
Denver +5.5 OVER Indianapolis. This is a tough one.
I don’t know what to make of either of these teams.
San Diego -5.5 AT Seattle. How lame are the Seahawks that they swear they have the 12th
man or whatever the fuck it is? And
why is their mascot a “Seahawk?” And
why are there jerseys so God damn hideous? Haha, what a terrible team. I hope nobody reading this actually roots for this joke of an organization. “We got robbed in the Super Bowl! Booo-Hoooo!” You know why you got robbed? Cause the NFL can’t have teams the
likes of the Seahawks or Cardinals winning Super Bowls. That’s just bad for business. No birds
allowed. Except for the Ravens cause they steal souls and are badass.
Arizona -4.5 OVER Oakland. I remember when the Raiders played Arizona back when the
Cardinals had Jake “The Snake” Plummer for their quarterback and that dumbass
was about to be sacked, and instead of just taking the sack, he passed the ball
behind his back…right into the arms of a Raider defender who took it in for a touchdown. I miss the snake.
Miami -2 OVER NY Jets.
AFC East, will you please figure yourself out so these picks will be
easier to make? Thank you.
Green Bay -3 AT Chicago. This should be a good Monday Night
game.
Three team tease: Washington, Detroit and Houston