Article by The Wolfman
These are actual headlines found on various websites. The news created here is entirely untrue – but if you want to read the real article, we have provided the appropriate links for you to follow. Enjoy!
Former Dolphin great Dan Marino has been on a rampage of late in the quaint lakeside village of Palmetto Springs, after separating from his wife Katrina. Residents have seen Marino at night knocking over mailboxes, throwing eggs at people, and sometimes, howling at the moon. Since going rouge, there has been no comment from Marino, but residents worry that if he and Katrina can’t patch things up quickly, they may have to catch him in what one resident described as a “large net.”
Even in a down economy, there is certainly no lack of need for veterinarians in Detroit. Many vets are calling this hiring fair, “absolutely mind blowing.” In what has to be the most impressive feat of the day, donkey surgeon James O’Reilly successfully performed an appendectomy on the Lion’s mascot Roary. Roary is now in a coma, but is expected to wake up anytime now.
Umm…I’m just going to quote the real article on this one.
“Nearly 65 percent of respondents said Obama would be better suited to handle a theoretical alien invasion than Romney.
In fact, Obama trumped Romney across the board, winning a majority of support from women (68 percent), men (61 percent) and those aged 18 to 64 (68 percent).
Romney’s strongest bracket was with senior citizens, where he split the vote with Obama at 50 percent each.
During a May visit to the White House by the actor Will Smith and his family, Obama was quizzed by Smith’s 13-year-old son, Jaden, about the possibility of extraterrestrial life. In an interview with the BBC, Smith recounted Obama’s reaction to his son:
“OK, I can neither confirm or deny the existence of extraterrestrials,” Obama reportedly said from the White House Situation Room. “But I can tell you if there had been a top secret meeting, and if there would have been a discussion about it, it would have taken place in this room.””
Till next time – stay weird real headlines.
This post was written by Adam Thomas