Everybody Likes Rodeo Monkeys

Randy Neil
Randy Neil

Including this guy right here. Adam has a bachelor party coming up, and the game plan is to play paintball and then hit a Blue Rocks game at night. If you aren’t familiar with the Wilmington Blue Rocks, they are a Single-A farm team for the Kansas City Royals based in Delaware. They are literally the only team Delaware has.

The other day on my way to Philadelphia, I rode by Frawley Stadium which is directly next to the interstate. The Blue Rocks were playing, it was mid-game, and there was no one, I MEAN NO ONE, in the stands. There was a small family of 7-8 directly behind home plate it looked like, and then rows and rows of vacant seats. I’m not even exaggerating… there were literally more people playing on the field than there were in the stands. I bet the food vendors had a great time that night.

The reason I bring this up is because during the 7th inning stretch (or end of the game, not sure) that we’re attending, the Blue Rocks are featuring a circus act of monkeys that ride dogs with little cowboy hats and they herd sheep. Tell me that isn’t the most ballin’ thing you’ve ever heard in your life!! Little monkeys with lil’ spurs, lil’ boots, lil’ vests and lassos, rounding up the varmints in this town! It will be the highlight of the night for sure, aside from the awesome display I will put on in paintball (mind you, I’ve never played paintball in my life, but I play Call of Duty, so it’s practically the same thing.)

The sports highlight of the week clearly has to be the mental breakdown of King James in the NBA Finals. Even with his constant denial and ducking of questions regarding his mental toughness, it’s apparent to even the dumbest of analysts that Lebron James buckled under the pressure. Then, he digs a deeper hole with that comment, “All the people that was rooting on me to fail, at the end of the day they have to wake up tomorrow and have the same life that they had before they woke up today.” To the average person, that sounds like this, “Fuck ya’ll. I’m still paid.” People didn’t take it too well, so for the next 4-5 months he’ll be on a huge PR campaign to salvage the mess that’s been made.

One thing that I feel is being overlooked here is Chris Bosh. I know I talk a lot of garbage on the man, but during the finals, he seemed to be the only composed Miami Heat player of the big 3, and the entire team for that matter. Keep in mind this is his first trip the NBA Finals (or more than 1 round of the playoffs) and he did his job. He kept quiet, played good, and made shots. Dwayne Wade was making errors and losing possession, Lebron James was looking hesitant and timid, and a midst it all, Bosh was the only one putting up solid numbers and composing himself. He played horrible defense, true, but it was on Dirk Nowitzki for pete’s sake.

There was a moment during Game 6 in the first half where Udonis Haslem (I can’t believe I got that right on the first try) and someone on the Mavericks were about to scuffle. Benches were clearing and Mario Chalmers came running over to add fuel to the fire. If you happen to see that again, watch Chris Bosh. He basically grabs Chalmers by his jersey and man-handles him back towards the bench. It was the scariest I’ve ever seen Bosh in my life.

The Finals were great though. It definitely delivered more than years past in terms of excitement and competition. The NHL Finals are delivering as well. Game 7 is set to take place tonight, and it’s an epic setting. A goalie that’s 1000 times better at home gets his largest test in front of his home crowd. A Canadian team has a chance to win the Cup in Canada for the first time in 15 years. The Bruins have a chance to win their first Stanley Cup in over 60 years. It’s riveting stuff. At some point, during the Phils game, I will flip over to see what’s happening, and that says a lot.

The 2011 U.S. Open is set to start this weekend. Tiger Woods is already out, so the media is scrambling to find something compelling for this competition (and they aren’t finding much.) It takes place at Congressional in Washington, D.C. I had a chance to play there once. My friend knows a friend, who knows a friend, who’s a member, or something like that, and he gave me an invitation. Me : “How much are the greens’ fees?” Him : “About $375.” Me : “No thanks.” Golf doesn’t mean that much to me, yet. Maybe when I’m forty years old and golf truly is a physical sport to me at that point, I’ll show $400 worth of appreciation. And don’t jump down my throat, I’m not saying golf isn’t physical. It is. It’s an incredibly demanding physical activity, but I got other sports that demand more, and they’re free.

I never had a chance to touch on this, but did anyone see that Tiger Woods interview on ESPN about 2 months ago? Very directly, Woods was asked, “Who do you think is the best golfer in the world?” Tiger pauses for a few seconds, and then says, “When I got my swing dialed in….” and smiles. Then he just stares for a few more awkward seconds. “So you? Are you saying you?” asks the interviewer. Then he just smiles again, tips his head, and stares blankly for about ten seconds without saying a word. What an awkward exchange! Just say, “Me.” I wanted to turn the TV off because I felt so uncomfortable. It felt like date-rape.

There’s absolutely nothing new to report in the world of baseball, because the Phillies are on top and going strong as usual. We fucking rock. End of story. Be sure to catch the Stanley Cup Finals Game 7 tonight, in between the Phils’ commercials. While you’re at it, go out and support your local Single-A baseball team, even if they are for the Royals and have nothing at all to do with the Phillies. You might see some rodeo monkeys.

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