Don’t Tug on Superman’s Cape
1.) Grantland, it’s bad enough that all you turned out to be is a massive disappointment, churning out articles that read like a “try to write like Bill Simmons” contest, but now you’re going after the Phillies, and more specifically, Ryan Howard. In his article “Father Time and the Philadelphia Phillies,” Rany Jazayerli takes on the Phillies and how they are old and won’t be good in the not so distant future. A few points about this article:
He writes: “We’re almost halfway through this column and I haven’t mentioned a hitter yet. There’s a reason for that — the Phillies’ offense isn’t particularly good. After finishing first or second in the NL in runs scored every year from 2005 to 2010, the Phillies have dropped to sixth this season.”
First of all, sixth is not all that bad, especially not when you have top pitching. But it should be noted that while the Phillies are sixth for the season, they are the second highest scoring offense since Chase Utley returned. Before Utley returned, they were 12th in the NL. They are now 6th. That is a pretty significant jump, and since they acquired Hunter Pence, they have been the best offensive team in the NL. (Thanks to the goodphight.com for the stats).
Does the author mention this? Nope. He just says that the offense is bad.
On Ryan Howard, Rany says that he is “Clearly past his prime.” Which is funny because he posted this the day after Howard hit 2 HRs and reached another 30 HR, 100 RBI season.
Here is what really pissed me off about this article, he mentions how the Atlanta Braves have two stud rookies this year, and they had Jason Heyward last year who, “had one of the best seasons by a 20-year-old hitter in decades.”
But that’s it for Heyward, he had a good season LAST year. Why doesn’t Rany bring up the fact that this year, Heyward is TERRIBLE. Here are his stats: .220, 13 HR, 39 RBIs, 43 R, 6 SB. Holy shit! Watch out Philly!
Now, am I saying that Heyward is going to suck like this forever? No. Maybe he is just having a down year. But to bring up a guy who had a good year last year and then not mention that he is horrible this year is bad writing. You can’t use that to strengthen your argument, especially while shitting all over Ryan Howard in the process.
You want a Ryan Howard stat? Here’s one: most RBI’s through 1000 games in MLB history 1.) Ted Williams 2.) RYAN HOWARD 3.) Babe Ruth. Most HR through 1000 games: 1.) RYAN HOWARD 2.) Ralph Kiner 3.) Babe Ruth.
I’m sure mad that the Phillies have that guy on their team for the next five years…
Also, if the Phillies mortgaged their future to win it all this year, and they actually win the World Series, who gives a shit? You think the Giants would trade in their World Series last year just to be competitive for the next 5 years? Cause I don’t.
2.) I read an article in Sports Illustrated about the Brewers and here are some highlights. Nyjer Morgan walks around the clubhouse covered in baby oil, they play naked golf in the clubhouse and they growl at each other like the monsters in Monsters Inc. after they get hits. If I were the Phillies I would be peeing myself in fear.
3.) Of all the WWE Attitude Era catch phrases, one that doesn’t get enough love is “Welcome to…RAW…IS…JERICHO!” Another thing about the Attitude Era that I feel gets forgotten is just how terrible HHH was. He literally married the boss’s daughter and then inserted himself into the main events. I always remember thinking, “Get out of here HHH!” You’re getting in the way of The Rock vs. Stone Cold Steve Austin!
That’s it. I’m in the final week of wedding planning and am incredibly tired. This is my last column for 2 weeks as I go off and tour Costa Rica. So Randy and a NEW writer (I’m not gonna spoil the surprise) will handle things.
Thanks for reading and I’ll see you all with the NFL picks later in the week!
This post was written by Adam Thomas
Nyjer morgan in Washington, a menace and poor fielder. Nyjer Morgan in Milwaukee, gay rights advocate and superstar hype man. Love it.