March 2, 2013
Adam Thomas
“In bar light, she looked alright. In daylight, she looked desperate.” –The Hold Steady
“Jedi Mind-Meld” –Obama
I use the Hold Steady quote above because everyone in Washington is looking mighty desperate these days as they try to blame each other for the $85 billion sequester, and I use the Obama quote to show how absolutely insane it is that more people focused on his messing up Star Wars and Star Trek references than him (and everyone else in Washington) messing up this sequester nonsense. It really speaks volumes about politics these days.
By the way, there are many terrible parts about the sequester, but my favorites are these:
1.) All the politicians in Washington seem to know that it’s a terrible idea, and yet, they somehow allowed it to happen. They are all saying stuff like, “Yeah, we knew it was awful when we agreed to it, but we never thought that it’d actually happen.” How’s that again? Then why in the blue hell did you agree to it in the first place?
2.) The thing people are focused on about the sequester is…..wait for it….LONGER LINES AT THE AIRPORT! Oh. My. Gaw. The humanity. How are we going to deal with these long lines?
My advice? Be patient and be happy that you have enough loot to buy an airplane ticket and are about to embark on the miracle of flight.
3.) Someone should really let Obama know that he won re-election and can stop campaigning now. You don’t need to do a Jedi Mind-Meld to get the republicans to agree with you, you just need to do your job. Come up with a solution to the problem that works for everybody. Yes, it’s hard to do that but keep in mind: YOU ARE THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.
4.) And Boehner, nobody thinks your tough when you say things like, “The Senate needs to get off their ass and come up with a solution!” Whoa! You said, ‘Ass’ tough guy. Hows about we all–Democrats and Republicans–stop all this useless blame game hocum and come up with a solution?
That sounds like a novel concept considering all politics consists of is the following: defer coming up with any solution that will make me look bad, get re-elected, defer, defer, defer, get re-elected, defer, defer, defer, get re-elected, defer, defer, defer, get my son elected.
Democracy in action!
OK, enough policitical talk, let’s get down to some things I’ve neglected over this past month.
1.) A big shout out to my boy Big B who absolutely killed it as Marius in Les Miserables. Anyone who knows B, look at that picture and tell me that’s not him.
2.) Grantland ran a greatest Oscar travesty bracket and one of the categories was Forest Gump winning over Pulp Ficiton and it made me realize something: because I was 10 when they both came out, I was able to watch Forest Gump earlier in life and it made a bigger impression on me. By the time I saw Pulp Fiction, I was 16 or 17 and had already watched all of the Tarantino imitation movies (crappy movies like “The Way of the Gun”) and so Pulp Fiction didn’t really do that much for me.
So now, as a grown up, do I think Pulp Fiction is better? Yes. But do I think that it’s head and shoulders better than Forest Gump? Nope. And since they love how ‘Quotable’ a movie is over at Grantland, they gotta realize that Gump is equally as quoteable as Ficiton.
You say: “Oh I’m sorry did I break your concentration?” I say: “I must’ve had me about 15 Dr. Peppers.”
3.) The Sixers are horrible and Collins should be fired. He should be fired simply for praising Vucevic (the other night when the Sixers lost to Orlando), when the fact is that Collins never played Vucevic when he was in Philly and then traded him away this last summer. You can’t say, “I wish we had THAT guy on our team” when you’re the one who traded him away dingus.
4.) I thought about creating a fantasy baseball team the other day. And then I thought better of it. I like watching the occasional Phillies game, but baseball just isn’t doing it for me these days.
5.) Bold draft predictions: a.) Eric Fisher goes number one overall to KC.
b.) somebody trades up in the first round to draft Geno Smith.
c.) The Raiders trade back and draft Desmond Trufant.
d.) The Eagles draft Dion Jordan. Eh that one ain’t exactly bold but what are you gonna do?
Alrighty, that’s it for me. I hope to start these up regular again but, like any good politician, I may just defer and keep kicking the can on down that lonesome road.
As my dad put it, of course the NFL would wait until AFTER Al Davis passed away until they changed the tuck rule. By the way, with all this talk about the tuck rule, I think people are missing one simple fact: the referee who made the call on the play stated that Brady’s arm WAS MOVING FORWARD. He didn’t even mention the tuck rule. It wasn’t until after the game that they started talking about the tuck rule to mask the fact that they blew the call big time, since Brady had BOTH HANDS on the ball when he fumbled it.
