Avengers….ASSEMBLE!

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I’ll try my best to keep this spoiler free, but in all reviews, it’s kind of tough to not give away some aspects of the movie.  So if you haven’t seen the Avengers yet, you may want to wait until reading this.

I saw the Avengers on Wednesday and it certainly lived up to the hype.  But before we get into that, let me just say, if you live in the Newark area, I highly recommend going to see a movie at Newark Cinema Center 3 in the Newark Shopping Center as opposed to Regal People’s Plaza Cinema 17.  Why you ask?  We saw the 5:40 p.m. show and tickets were only $6 bucks!  Last time we saw the matinee of 21 Jump Street at People’s Plaza, I think we payed about 17 bucks for tickets, which is ridiculous. And that was for the matinee!  Crazy.  Also, Newark’s theatre has those old-as-dirt worn in seats that let you LEAN BACK as far as possible.  Very comfortable.  And seeing the movie at 5:40 meant that there were only about 15 people in the theatre.  Which is awesome.  Nothing worse than being crammed in next to some strangers and having that awkward moment when you do your “dolphin inhaling water” laugh at a part of the movie nobody else found funny. But enough about my insecurities, let’s get to the Avengers, shall we?

I want to rank all of the Avengers in order of their toughness and importance to the team, at least according to the movie.

1.) The Incredible Hulk. Hulk is, without a doubt, the toughest and most badass of the Avengers. I don’t think anyone who watches the movie can argue that point. Also, I hope they are finally done switching who gets to play the Hulk every movie.  I think Ruffalo is a good choice, he’s a little nutty and does a good job.  Of course, if it were up to me, they never would’ve gotten rid of Eric Bana, but hey, what are you gonna do?

2.) Thor.  I mean, he’s a God so it’s kind of cheating, but still, I have to put him a notch below the Hulk.

3.) Quips.  Without snarky quips, I really don’t know where this team would be. And if you don’t like your superheroes saying super cute things in the face of impending doom, than the Avengers ain’t the movie for you. Ex.) Ironman says: “I’m bringing the party to you” and then he flies in with bad guys on his tail which leads Black Widow to say, “That’s what you call a party?”  ZING!

4.) Ironman.  Tony Stark is the man, he is the standout star of the Avengers and the poster boy for functioning alcoholics everywhere.  Also, he’s got a sweet goatee and Pepper Potts back at base, not a bad combo.

5.) Captain America. Look, I hate the actor who plays Captain America. I think it’s BS that he got to play the Human Torch and Captain America.  BUT he is really good in the role.  Cause Captain America is a tool box. He also gets kinda rocked in this movie. Especially by Loki. Although, he is good at organizing the Avengers and coming up with a plan of attack, so that has to count for something.

6.) Black Widow.  I mean, both Black Widow and Hawkeye are pretty lame, but *SPOILER* if you’ve seen the movie, you kinda know why she has to get ranked ahead of Hawkeye. Also, how funny is that scene in the preview when they’re all preparing to fight the bad guys, and there’s all the badass super heroes with their weapons (Thor with his hammer, Iron Man with his suit, Captain America with his shield), and then it pans to Hawkeye loading his bow and Black Widow loading a dinky little pistol.  Weak. Sauce.

7.) Hawkeye.  I mean, they’re super powered arrows, but they’re still just arrows. Once he runs out, what good is he?

Also, one other part of the movie that is super awesome and needs to be mentioned is that the dad from Red Dawn shows up!  It’s incredible!  And he tells the Avengers–while grabbing onto a chain-link fence–“Boys…avenge me!  AVENGE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” Just kidding, he doesn’t say that, but he SHOULD’VE!  It is called the Avengers after all.

Anyway, definitely check it out if you get the chance. It’s good stuff.

• Black Widow
• Captain America
• Hawkeye
• Incredible Hulk
• Ironman
• The Avengers
• thor