A Bear Walks into a Press Conference Wearing a Fedora…
Good morning folks. Last week I went 3-1 in my NFL Picks and 2-2 against the spread. So I’m feeling a little confident, I know that my first year doing this for the headrush, I went 0-4. How embarrassing! Speaking of embarrassing, Big Ben’s hat. What the heck was he thinking? And how come no teammate came up to him and said “Hey, Ben, I know that you REALLY want to wear that hat, but it kinda makes you look like A.) A villain in Robocop 2 B.) A backup dancer for Chris Brown C.) A Grizzly bear wearing a fedora playing jazz cornet in a smokey night club D.) All of the above.
1.) Last week’s game between the Broncos and Steelers sucked to watch because I didn’t want either team to win. How do you watch football like that? This week will be the same, though I think I’ll probably be pulling for the….gah, I can’t pick. I hate both the Pats (TUCK RULE!) and the Broncos (TEBOW!) By the way, I went and saw Sinbad last night with Stef and man did he clown Tebow. “Angels have never been more tired than after a Broncos game.”
Two things I learned at a Sinbad show: 1.) You will laugh very hard for two hours straight as he picks on the audience and just makes crazy faces and observations about the world. 2.) You will hear the phrase “He’s so crazy” about 100 times. Bottom line: Go see Sinbad if you have the chance. He is hillarious.
Stef wanted to add that he is “practical, honest and hillarious.” Well said.
2.) The Raiders fired Hue Jackson this week and I gotta say, I liked it. You know why? Cause Hue Jackson reminds me of a character straight out of “A Game of Thrones.” All he does is SCHEME! He is like a Lannister only not smart enough to shut his mouth. Example 1: After the Carson Palmer trade, he called it the greatest trade in NFL history and took full credit. After he got fired, he told Yahoo’s douche bag writer Michael Silver: “I didn’t MAKE the trade. The decision came from above.” Example 2: this picture. For those of you who don’t know, that’s him cozying up to last year’s coach, Tom Cable, before having him beheaded Eddard Stark style.
I wouldn’t trust that guy to be a manager and make fair trades in my fantasy football league, and new GM Reggie McKenzie certainly couldn’t trust him to be “only” a coach.
I do like the new Raiders’ GM, and I absolutely love Mark Davis’s (son of Al) haircut. That thing is downright logic defying. Also logic defying? During the presss conference at the FIRST mention of Al Davis, the lights flickered and the projection screen started coming down from the ceiling. That is CRAZY (like Sinbad).
3.) I love the fact that the Sixers played the Knicks so close after a back to back. They played three straight games and still hung tough with the Knicks. That makes me feel even better than them destroying the Wizards by 25 points or whatever it was last night. NBA, seriously, watch out for the Sixers. I see them making it to round two and putting up a good fight before ultimately falling to the Bulls or the Heat.
4.) I’m reading a book right now called “Fur, Fortune and Empire” that I borrowed from my Uncle Jeff, and man oh man is it awesome! One fact that I found to be really crazy is the fact that a Beaver’s teeth never stop growing. That’s how they can gnaw on wood so good, cause the teeth get worn down but then they just regenerate. BUT if a Beaver somehow chips his tooth or it gets moved out of place, or they simply stop chewing daily on wood, their teeth still won’t stop growing and sometimes a Beaver dies because the tooth turns back on itself and grows THROUGH ITS BRAIN!
How nuts is that? I can think of A TON of terrible ways to die, but your own tooth through the brain has to be in the top ten.
On that uplifting note, lets get to the picks, which are the teams in bold.
San Fran +3.5 over New Orleans. I love San Fran’s defense and i gotta say, if the Lions defense could catch the ball and that one Bree’s fumble counted (still not sure why it didn’t), the Saints would’ve lost last week’s game. That’s why I am going with the boys from the bay.
Denver +13.5 over the Patriots. Now, even with Sinbad claiming that God picked the suckiest player to keep winning to prove that he exists, I’m going to say that the Patriots win, but the Broncos cover.
Houston +7.5 over Baltimore. Joe Flacco seems really insecure. I mean REALLY insecure. If I had to equate him to a cartoon character, it would be Eeyore from Winnie the Poo. “If we win, I won’t get any of the credit….(SIGH)….but if we lose, it will be all my fault….(SIGH).” Just shut up and play, Flacco. And can you please shave? You have the “Big Ben’s fedora” of facial hair. It needs to go. And if it already is gone, then I apologize and say, well done sir.
NY Giants +7.5 at Green Bay. I like the Packers in this one. But I think it’ll be close.
On that note, enjoy the games everybody!
This post was written by Adam Thomas